Épisodes

  • Emails

    Emails
    Feb 14 2025

    We read and respond to listener emails.

    You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE. We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, a lego group, movie groups, and social events. Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us!

    To submit an email to the podcast: podcast@systemspeak.com


    Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services.

    ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
    Voir plus Voir moins
    45 min
  • Guest: Valerie Sinason

    Guest: Valerie Sinason
    Feb 12 2025
    We talk with ISSTD clinician Valerie Sinason (UK) about "infantacidal attachment".The "still face experiment" video on YouTube is HERE.The poem we referenced, which we wrote in 2020:In the last week,I watched my 5 year-old daughter's butterflies be born.They came home with usfor quarantine,a gift of hope and peacewhile she herself is dying,while my children miss their friendsand watch their sister fade away.The caterpillars crawledin the grimeas they learned to spin,then hung themselvesfrom the top of the cup.I know the feeling.The metaphor did not escape me,this therapeutic processof freezewhere transformation is required -quarantinedin a glass househanging by a threadnothing the same as it was.Before the chrysalisthere was a shedding of skinI recognized as a shedding of me.For all I have learned the last four yearsabout integration,I thought the debate was betweenbrowniesand fruit salad,as if I would get to choose my last meal.But all of it was grime.So I pretended to grow wingswhile you locked me away.I wrapped myself in dissociationlike a cocoon of worlds inside.I never invited you in here.No one warned me how sticky it was.I watched their backbone start to formlike scalesthat fell awaylike therapytalking away.Therapy was taking away my dissociationwhile I fought to lock myself in it.If you have any heart at all,you want to reach outto reach into touchto help them free the hardened shell.But you cannot.Because that wriggling workis what makes them strongis what sets them freeis what makes meMe.And I knowhow cold and lonely it is in there,in here,where I am,where no one goesno one seesno one knows.You promise wings.You promise freedom.You promise flying free.But all I rememberis the grime.And all I knowis the crawling through filth.And all I seeis that I have hung myself herevulnerablyto be stared atand gawked atand not touchedwhile I am frozenand coldand hanging herenot who I wasand not yet free.You say no parts left behindor lostor abandoned.But I see my shell laying therewhere I once crawled.And these wingsstill stickydon't feel like mine.And I can't yet fly.You flick at my netto show me that I canlike a bird pushing its baby out of the nestand it hurts mebetrays mestings mescares me.Except you don't push too hardand I feel you waitwhile I don't want to leave.I would rather hang myselftherewhere being frozenhas always kept me safe.I am uncomfortablewith so many changesand didn't knowI would come outlooking so differentthan how I crawled in.I cling to the netbecause you taught me how to be grounded.And I have always knownhow to shelter-in-place.I can see the outside worldwhere everyone else lives,but I don't at all likeyou sending me awayto go live there.Because I do not know how to live.I know how to crawl.I know how to hang.It makes me angry at you(even though I am not)when you try to send me awayfrom the place where I hungaway from where my shadow still staysaway from where my shell lies.I don't know if you understandthat still feels like meand the cocoon still feels saferand the sun is still too bright for my eyes.I am drying out my wingsand saying goodbyewhile you unzip my worldto shoo me outso I can flybecause you sayI was meant for the sky.But all I rememberis the grimeand how to crawl.And I don't understandwhy you don't understandthat I don't actually know how to fly.But what I do knowmore than you know I knowis that there is no going backand that I am relievedto have the sticky washed off of me.(I know, I know.You never said I had to leave.But I can't stay herelooking at the shell of me.)Emma Sunshaw, May 2020You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE. We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, a lego group, movie groups, and social events. Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us! To submit an email to the podcast: podcast@systemspeak.comContent Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
    Voir plus Voir moins
    57 min
  • Infanticidal Attachment (7 of 7)

    Infanticidal Attachment (7 of 7)
    Feb 10 2025

    We discuss “infanticidal attachment” with Jules.

    The referenced article is HERE.

    You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE. We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, a lego group, movie groups, and social events. Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us!

    To submit an email to the podcast: podcast@systemspeak.com


    Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services.

    ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
    Voir plus Voir moins
    41 min
  • Infanticidal Attachment (6 of 7)

    Infanticidal Attachment (6 of 7)
    Feb 6 2025

    We discuss “infanticidal attachment” with Jules.

    The “weeping camel” video is HERE.

    The referenced article is HERE.

    You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE. We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, a lego group, movie groups, and social events. Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us!

    To submit an email to the podcast: podcast@systemspeak.com


    Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services.

    ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
    Voir plus Voir moins
    27 min
  • Infanticidal Attachment (5 of 7)

    Infanticidal Attachment (5 of 7)
    Feb 3 2025

    We discuss “infanticidal attachment” with Jules.

    The referenced article is HERE.

    You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE. We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, a lego group, movie groups, and social events. Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us!

    To submit an email to the podcast: podcast@systemspeak.com


    Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services.

    ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
    Voir plus Voir moins
    28 min
  • Infanticidal Attachment (4 of 7)

    Infanticidal Attachment (4 of 7)
    Jan 30 2025

    We discuss “infanticidal attachment” with Jules.

    The referenced article is HERE.

    You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE. We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, a lego group, movie groups, and social events. Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us!

    To submit an email to the podcast: podcast@systemspeak.com


    Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services.

    ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
    Voir plus Voir moins
    37 min
  • Infanticidal Attachment (3 of 7)

    Infanticidal Attachment (3 of 7)
    Jan 27 2025

    We discuss “infanticidal attachment” with Jules.

    The referenced article is HERE.

    You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE. We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, a lego group, movie groups, and social events. Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us!

    To submit an email to the podcast: podcast@systemspeak.com


    Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services.

    ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
    Voir plus Voir moins
    38 min
  • Infanticidal Attachment (2 of 7)

    Infanticidal Attachment (2 of 7)
    Jan 23 2025

    We discuss “infanticidal attachment” with Jules.

    The referenced article is HERE.

    Social Media referenced (shared with consent):

    Kit - @squidont on TikTok

    You can JOIN THE COMMUNITY HERE. We have peer support check-in groups, an art group, a lego group, movie groups, and social events. Additional zoom groups are optional, but only available by joining the groups. Join us!

    To submit an email to the podcast: podcast@systemspeak.com


    Content Note: Content on this website and in the podcasts is assumed to be trauma and/or dissociative related due to the nature of what is being shared here in general. Content descriptors are generally given in each episode. Specific trigger warnings are not given due to research reporting this makes triggers worse. Please use appropriate self-care and your own safety plan while exploring this website and during your listening experience. Natural pauses due to dissociation have not been edited out of the podcast, and have been left for authenticity. While some professional material may be referenced for educational purposes, Emma and her system are not your therapist nor offering professional advice. Any informational material shared or referenced is simply part of our own learning process, and not guaranteed to be the latest research or best method for you. Please contact your therapist or nearest emergency room in case of any emergency. This website does not provide any medical, mental health, or social support services.

    ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
    Voir plus Voir moins
    38 min