The idea for the Art of Manliness came to me 17 years ago as I was standing in the magazine section of a Borders bookstore. As inspiration struck, I took my Moleskine out of my pocket and jotted down some notes, like potential names — I considered things like “The Manly Arts” before settling on “The Art of Manliness” — categories of content, and initial article ideas. Almost two decades later, the fruits of those notebook jottings are still bearing out.

That’s the power of a pocket pad’s possibilities, something Roland Allen explores in The Notebook: A History of Thinking on Paper. Today on the show, Roland traces the fascinating history of notebooks and how they went from a business technology for accounting to a creative technology for artists. We talk about how famous figures from Leonardo da Vinci to Theodore Roosevelt used notebooks, the different forms notebooks have taken from the Italian zibaldone to the friendship book to the modern bullet journal, and why keeping a personal diary has fallen out of favor. Along the way, we discuss ways you can fruitfully use notebooks today, and why, even in our digital age, they remain an irreplaceable tool for thinking and creativity.

• AoM Article: 100 Ways to Use Your Pocket Notebook
• AoM Article: The Manly Tradition of the Pocket Notebook
• AoM Article: The Pocket Notebooks of 20 Famous Men
• AoM Podcast #194: The Field Notes of Theodore Roosevelt
• AoM Article: The Right and Wrong Way to Journal
• AoM Article: Finally Understand How to Keep a Bullet Journal
• Leonardo da Vinci’s notebooks
• Charles Darwin’s notebooks
• John Locke’s Method for Commonplace Books

• Roland’s website

A lot of people go into marriage with a 50/50 mindset. Everything in the relationship — from tangible things like childcare and chores to intangible things like the effort and energy needed to keep the partnership going — is supposed to be divided equally.

The 50/50 approach to relationships is all about fairness. And that seems sensible and rational.

But, my guest says, it actually sabotages relational happiness.

Nate Klemp is a former philosophy professor and the co-author, along with his wife, of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship. Today on the show, Nate shares how cognitive biases skew our perception of our contributions to a relationship, what happens when couples get stuck in the 50/50 mindset of domestic scorekeeping, and how shifting to an 80/80 model of “radical generosity” can create an upward spiral of connection and appreciation. And we discuss practical ways to divide household responsibilities, decide how much time to spend with each spouse’s respective parents, and establish values that will guide your partnership as you navigate life changes and work towards a spirit of shared success.

• AoM article and podcast on how to hold a weekly marriage meeting
• AoM Article: Towards a Philosophy of Household Management
• AoM Article: Beware the Tit for Tat Trap

• 80/80 Marriage website
• Nate’s website
• Nate on LinkedIn
• Nate on IG

For several decades, people's reported sleep quality has declined. This, despite the fact that specially optimized sheets, mattresses, and sleep trackers have emerged during that time, and despite the fact that the amount of time people are sleeping hasn't decreased for over fifty years.

In other words, people aren't sleeping less than they used to, but are less happy about their sleep than ever before.

My guest would say that to improve our experience of sleep, we'd be better off looking past the reams of modern advice out there and back in time — way, way back in time.

Today on the show, Dr. Merijn van de Laar, a recovering insomniac, sleep therapist, and the author of How toSleep Like a Caveman: Ancient Wisdom for a Better Night's Rest, will tell us how learning about our prehistoric ancestors' sleep can help us relax about our own. He explains that the behaviors we think of as sleep problems are actually normal, natural, and even adaptive. We talk about why hunter-gatherers actually sleep less than we think we need to, how their natural wake periods during the night might explain our own sleep patterns, the methods they use to get better sleep, and why our modern efforts to optimize sleep could be making it worse. Merijn shares when it's okay to use a smartphone before bed, the myth that you have to get eight hours of sleep a night, how to intentionally use sleep deprivation to improve your sleep, and more.

• AoM Article: 22 Ways to Get a Better Night’s Sleep
• AoM Article: What Every Man Should Know About Sleep
• AoM Article: What to Do When You Can’t Sleep
• AoM Article: The Importance of Building Your Daily Sleep Pressure
• AoM Podcast #661: Get Better Sleep by Stressing About It Less
• AoM Podcast #736: Could Sleeping in Separate Beds Improve Your Relationship?
• Study: Hadza sleep biology — Evidence for flexible sleep-wake patterns in hunter-gatherers

• Merijn's website

There has been a lot of cultural discussion of the way digital technologies and social media contribute to things like political polarization and adolescent depression.

But as I'll explore with Nicholas Carr, the author of Superbloom, our digital tools are also changing our ability to connect with others and our sense of self in less appreciated ways.

Today on the show, Nicholas unpacks why the optimistic idea that more communication is always better hasn't panned out and how the speed and volume of modern communication is overwhelming our human capacity to process information and maintain meaningful relationships. We discuss why the "messiness" of pre-digital communication might have actually been better for us, how email has evolved from thoughtful letters to rushed messages, and why seeing more of people online often makes us like them less. Nicholas also explains why having different versions of ourselves for different contexts was actually healthy and the simple rubric for better managing our relationship with digital communication tools.

• Nicholas' previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
  • Episode #276: Utopia is Creepy
  • Episode #632: How the Internet Makes Our Minds Shallow
• Charles Horton Cooley
• AoM Article: More Than Ever, the Medium Is the Message

• Nicholas' website
• Nicholas' Substack, New Cartographies

When people get stuck in their job or personal life, the common response is to either work harder or shrug and accept that "that's just the way things are."

My guest today has a much better solution to getting moving and making progress again.

Dan Heath is a bestselling author whose latest book is Reset: How to Change What's Not Working. Today on the show, Dan shares how to escape from ineffective systems and the inertia of continuing to do things the way they've always been done by pressing on leverage points — places where a little bit of effort yields disproportionate returns. Dan explains why you need "to go and see the work," why meaningful change requires "restacking resources," how short, focused "bursts" of effort often accomplish more than prolonged campaigns, how sometimes being inefficient can actually make us more effective, and more. Along the way, Dan shares plenty of stories and examples that illustrate how to implement these principles into your work, relationships, and family.

• Dan's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #591 — Solve Problems Before They Become Problems
• AoM Article: You Need a Reset Day
• AoM Podcast #896: The Art and Science of Getting Unstuck
• YouTube video: Spotify Engineering Culture

• Dan's website

Think about a time you've had to speak in front of others — maybe during a work presentation, a wedding toast, or even on a first date. Did you struggle with using too many filler words, such as "um" and "like," talk too fast, or awkwardly ramble?

Most of us try to fix these saboteurs of speech by giving ourselves mental mantras: "Slow down"; "Think about what you want to say."

But my guest would say that becoming a more engaging and effective speaker comes down to realizing that it's a very physical act that requires getting out of your head and into your body.

Michael Chad Hoeppner, a communication coach who has worked with everyone from presidential candidates to business executives, is the author of Don't Say Um: How to Communicate Effectively to Live a Better Life. Today on the show, Michael explains why you need to treat speaking as a sport and shares embodied drills and exercises — from playing with Legos to talking with a wine cork in your mouth to throwing a ball against a wall — that will fix common delivery problems, including eliminating ums, enhancing vocal variety, and managing your gestures.

• AoM Article: Becoming Well-Spoken — How to Minimize Your Uhs and Ums
• AoM Podcast #698: The Secrets of Public Speaking From History’s Greatest Orators
• AoM Podcast #732: Tips From a Top TED Talker on How to Be Heard

• GK Training
• Don't Say Um website
• Michael on LinkedIn
• Michael on X

I first read Man's Search for Meaning by the neurologist, psychologist, and philosopher Viktor Frankl in high school, and I have re-read it several times since. It's one of the books that's had the biggest impact on my life, so it was a real treat to speak with Alexander Vesely, Frankl's grandson, about his grandfather's ideas and legacy.

Today on the show, I talk to Alexander, who is a documentarian, and like his grandfather, a psychotherapist, about Frankl's life, his development of logotherapy, a type of meaning-centered therapy, and how that approach to the psyche was tested during Frankl's time in the concentration camps. We discuss why Frankl said that "everyone has their own Auschwitz," how a lack of existential meaning can create depression, the three ways to actualize meaning in your life, whether meaning is something that is objective or subjective, the freedom we have to choose our attitude in all circumstances, including suffering, and more.

• Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
• The Doctor and the Soul by Viktor Frankl
• Viktor and I: The Life and Work of Viktor Frankl — Alexander's documentary about his grandfather
• Living Logotherapy by Elisabeth Lukas and Heidi Schönfeld
•  Logotherapy Online Academy
• Viktor Frankl Institute

• Alexander at the Viktor Frankl Institute
• Alexander on LinkedIn
• Alexander on IG

Think about your habits, the things you do automatically without much thought — from brushing your teeth in the morning to scrolling social media before bed.

There’s a lot going on with these behaviors.

On one level, they’re just routines and actions wired into our brains through repetition. But there’s also more to it than that. Our habits shape who we are, influence our health and happiness, and determine much of our success in life. There’s a reason changing habits is one of the most powerful ways to transform ourselves.

Today on the show, Dr. Gina Cleo will help us understand the science of habit formation and how we can harness it to build better behaviors. Gina is a researcher with a PhD in habit change and the author of The Habit Revolution: Simple Steps to Rewire Your Brain for Powerful Habit Change. Gina and I discuss the three elements of the habit loop and how to hack them to develop good habits and break bad ones. Along the way, we talk about why micro-habits are so effective for creating lasting change, the differences between men and women when it comes to forming habits, how long it really takes for a habit to stick, and much more.

• AoM Article: Unlocking the Science of Habits — How to Hack the Habit Loop
• AoM Podcast #470: A Proven System for Building and Breaking Habits
• AoM Podcast #581: The Tiny Habits That Change Everything
• AoM Article: Disenchant Your Bad Habits
• Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

• Gina’s website