Have you ever felt like you were following invisible rules you didn’t agree to? Do you catch yourself playing small, staying “good,” or holding back while others take up space? And what if those subconscious beliefs—about power, success, and even desire—aren’t actually yours?

In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Scott Lyons sits down with Elise Loehnen, a writer, editor, and cultural critic known for her sharp insights on power, patriarchy, and personal growth. As the former Chief Content Officer at Goop, Elise helped shape the modern wellness landscape before turning her focus to deconstructing the subconscious rules that shape our lives. She is also the New York Times bestselling author of On Our Best Behavior, which explores how deeply ingrained cultural norms—particularly the Seven Deadly Sins—still dictate women’s behavior today.

Together, Scott and Elise dive into the hidden forces that govern us, how to unlearn restrictive narratives, and why recognizing our own internalized biases is the key to true liberation. If you've ever felt stuck in a system that doesn’t quite serve you, this episode will give you the perspective shift you need.

• The Cultural Programming We Can’t See – How we internalize and reinforce social norms without even realizing it.
• The Patriarchy Isn’t Just ‘Men’ – Understanding how women also uphold and police patriarchal structures.
• Envy as a Compass – Why the things (and people) that trigger us the most might be showing us what we truly want.
• How We Keep Ourselves Small – The self-imposed rules that hold us back, and how to rewrite them.
• Moving from ‘Against’ to ‘For’ – Shifting from resistance to creation, and learning how to build the world we actually want.

Tune in for an honest, mind-expanding conversation that just might change the way you see yourself—and the world around you.

Do you ever feel like you’re chasing success, but once you get “there,” the finish line moves again?

If you’re nodding along, then this episode is for you.

This week, we’re getting deep, real, and hilarious with bestselling author and keynote speaker Laura Gassner Otting (LGO)—a woman who has done it all, from working in the White House to writing books that change lives. But here’s the twist: even she has struggled with self-worth, impostor syndrome, and figuring out what success actually means.

What if success isn’t about more money, more titles, or even more standing ovations?

What if success is about feeling aligned with your values and choices—no matter what anyone else thinks?

That’s the conversation we’re diving into today. It’s a mix of wisdom, humor, and real talk (plus a detour into drag queens, rage rooms, and why Malala might just be the best at avoiding awkward small talk).

• Success: Who Defines It? – Laura turns the traditional definition of success on its head. Spoiler alert: It’s not about a corner office, a million-dollar paycheck, or someone else’s approval.
• Why We Suck at Receiving Compliments – Laura’s personal struggle with praise, her therapist’s game-changing advice, and how you can actually accept a compliment without feeling weird.
• The Different Versions of Ourselves – Ever feel like you have a work-self, a home-self, and a totally different karaoke-self? Laura shares how she balances “LGO the speaker” with just being Laura, the introvert who loves bad reality TV.
• Success Does Not Equal Happiness – If money and power automatically made people happy, billionaires wouldn’t get divorced and celebrities wouldn’t have meltdowns. We get real about why external success is often a trap.
• The Everest Analogy – What climbing a mountain taught Laura about life, ambition, and why getting to the top isn’t actually the goal.

What are trauma tingles, you ask? Oh, you know them. They're those wild, exciting, tantalizing, and misdirecting feelings that magnetize you into the same shitty relational dynamics you've been dealing with your whole life.

Oof, It's wild out there in the complex realm of relationships. Sometimes we find ourselves more interested in the chase than the embrace or confusing intensity for intimacy- all the while declaring that we want and need love. If red flags feel like home and you find yourself or people you know in the merry-go-round of relationship pains, welcome to the world of trauma tingles... Let's talk about it.

In this episode, Dr. Scott Lyons chats with Kai Cheng Thom and Nkem Ndefo about red flags in dating and why trauma tingles feel irresistible. If an ordinary life feels risky and red flags cause a buzz of excitement, don't worry—this is a normal part of being human and an adaptive response to trauma. Through witnessing patterns unfolding and learning how to form safer boundaries for ourselves and others, we can heal to the point that those trauma tingles become boring and unsexy- red flag couture no more!

Topics we break down:

• How trauma tingles relate to your attachment style.
• Why dating apps can be dehumanizing.
• Communicating your needs.
• Reconfiguring relationships.
• Maintaining boundaries.
• Choosing yourself.

Kai Cheng's work focuses on the intersection of social justice, pleasure activism, and transformative approaches to healing conflict.

Connect with Kai Cheng

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Nkem is the founder of Lumos Transforms and the creator of the Resilience Toolkit.

Connect with Nkem

Website | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter

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Connect with Dr. Scott

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