Why is it so hard for some people to stand up for themselves?

In this episode I discuss three primary reasons why as well as some solutions that you could implement to overcome them.

1: Low self-worth - if you don’t believe you deserve to be treated well/get what you need from life, then you will fail to act.

2: Unclear goal or direction in life - if you don’t know where you are heading/what you value, you won’t know what to push for and what to avoid.

3: Unable to hold space for their response - standing up for yourself will put people out, if you cannot sit with the negative feelings, moods, emotions, or responses that arise you will continue to give ground in every interaction until you discover that your life is not at all the way you want or need it to be.

I offer guidance for each issue as well as way to practice meditation that combines the felt sense of self with positive visualization, inner work, and mindfulness that will help you stand up for yourself.

Links mentioned:
- Shadow Work Journal PDF (free)
- How To Get Your Shit Together - Book (free)
- Internal Family Systems Books
- My website

If this episode has resonated with you, I would love your support.

Click here to find out more about my 1:1 coaching & counselling sessions.

Who are you beyond the consequences of your past? Trauma and self identity are inextricably interconnected - you became what you needed to become to survive.

These defense mechanisms saved you, but now you are left wondering who you are outside of them. Your interests, beliefs, desires, and goals are shaped by how you managed the past. Thus you may begin to wonder who you are.

This lack of knowing can be crippling and it is the topic of this episode.

Links mentioned:
- Internal Family Systems Books
- Dear Little Part Of Me - Poem

If this episode has resonated with you, I would love your support.

Click here to find out more about my 1:1 coaching & counselling sessions.

Here is what to do when someone is being triggered and opening up about their trauma - or at least what works for me:

1: Make Sure They Are Safe - out of danger to and from themself and to and from others/the environment.

2: Make Sure You Are Safe - physically, emotionally and spiritually available, capable and able to helping the person without being overwhelmed or triggered, or at least only to an acceptable level.

3: Ground Them In The Present Moment - this will help stop them from being triggered, get them to focus on what they can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. Help them to slow down the breathing and heart rate and get them what they need: food, water, clothing, comfort items, medication, shelter etc.

4: Practice Unconditional Positive Regard - Hold space for their truth, even if it doesn’t makes sense to you, or seems objectively ‘incorrect’, in that moment, it is their truth. Be a loving and accepting mirror. Their feelings are their feelings in that moment. And realise that if they’re triggered, they are quite literally biochemically structurally back in that past trauma.

5: Listen & Offer
- Hear them out and if appropriate and only if you are willing, offer what you can do to help.

6: End With A Promise
- have them promise that they will reach out to you (or someone specific) if they are at risk or if the triggers and flashbacks return.

7: Follow Up
- Tell them that you are going to follow up and do so. This shows you care and are extending the care into the future, reinforcing their promise.

8: Self Care
- Practice self care and ensure your own ongoing physical, psychological, and spiritual safety and wellbeing.

- Blackness - Chapter from Under The Influence
- Guard Your Mental State At All Costs - Blog
- Create A Crisis Plan - It May Save Your Life
- Poetry From A Dark Night Of The Soul - Book

If this episode has resonated with you, I would love your support.

Click here to find out more about my 1:1 coaching & counselling sessions.