Today we're focused on depression. And I ask the question: "Is depression normal or is it an illness?

When Brian Miller was on SelfWork a few weeks ago, he talked about the fact that we’re in a trust desert right now. Those weren’t his words. But are what I came away with. We find it hard to trust so-called experts or people that have the credentials after their name but instead, we’re drawn to people who are charismatic – and tend to believe them instead.

When he said it, I immediately thought of all of you who listen to SelfWork.

I don’t think because I have a PhD, I should automatically have your trust. My belief has always been that it’s my job to earn the trust of others. And that’s not simply with the people who come into therapy with me. It’s here as well. It’s here on SelfWork.

Today on SelfWork, I’m going to focus on a comment made on my TEDx, not anonymously, but I’m not going to reveal any info about the commenter. I’ve left it in its original form, although a bit of it is hard to understand. At first, I thought this person was disagreeing with the concept of perfectly hidden depression. But I think now that they’re simply making a great point – that much about depression can be a normal response to the things that have happened.

Dr. Margaret focuses today on feelings of remorse and regret that parents carry over either their actions or their lack of action with the children they were meant to love and protect.

Sexual abuse, incest, and alcoholism are also discussed, so please listen carefully.

Today’s episode is focused on two very distinct listener appeals. One is a letter from an inmate within the Arkansas penal system who raped his oldest daughter. The second is a voicemail from a woman who was or is an alcoholic; that’s a little unclear. She was an irresponsible mother, and her oldest daughter became an alcoholic herself and died from that problem or the consequences of her addiction.

They both express intense remorse over their actions or their lack of action. They are asking what they can do now. How do they live with themselves? How do they cope with the consequences of their action or inaction?

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Finding your purpose. Is that easy? Hard? With the help of the highly-respected Dr. Terrence Roberts, Dr. Margaret repeats his question, "Why are you?"

I was lucky enough to have a very special experience this past week. I heard Dr. Terrence Roberts, who was one of the Little Rock Nine, nine African-American students who had the courage to enter an all-white segregated school - Central High School - in Little Rock, Arkansas in 1957. They had police escorts, and I'm sure it took immense courage, resolve, and resilience. He spoke at the fall convention of the Arkansas Psychological Association.

I expected him to talk about that experience. But that wasn't the message he wanted to convey. Instead, he asked us all this question: "Why are you?" How would you answer that question?

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

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Today, Dr. Margaret focuses on what "asking for help" in the context of mental health... actually means.

So many will tell you that asking for help reflects weakeness.

I’d like to challenge that thought. And I’ve got great help from the little book The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy.

Here’s the quote itself:

• The Boy asks: “What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said?”
• The Horse answers: “Help.”
• The Horse adds: “Asking for help isn’t giving up. It’s refusing to give up.”
• 
  

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Today’s episode of SelfWork was suggested by the last episode of Ted Lasso, in which Rebecca talked about grief and the messy feelings it can bring with it.

Rebecca tells Ted, "We laugh, we hurt, we fall, we get back up. We're a mess. And that is… fantastic. Because being messy just means being alive. And we could all do with being a bit more alive."

Or… not. Some people fear this messiness – they much prefer staying in control. And I understand and respect that.

And yet… if you’re one of those people, if you’ve never allowed yourself to feel all of what you can feel, I’d like to propose the idea that if fear is keeping you away those emotions, then that can become its own trap.

Dr. Margaret and her TEDx speech coach, Brian Miller, talk about challenging the fear of public speaking and the importance of human connection.

"Go out and make a dent in the universe." These are the words I heard from Brian Miller, three years ago, weeks before I was to give my TEDxBocaRaton talk on perfectly hidden depression.

But why did I ask Brian to be on SelfWork? Probably not many of you give actual speeches, although some of you might. You may make presentations at work. You may be helping your child with a project they're doing. You may be on a committee where you're leading people.

Or you may avoid those things like the plague.

One reason is that the fear of public speaking is the most common anxiety or fear that any of us can have. It beats out a fear of spiders or heights - or even death itself. It belongs in a similar realm as social anxiety, which is its close cousin.

But I think Brian's message is much more than about making speeches. It's about human connection. It's about getting out of your own need to be successful at whatever you're doing and to care instead about how to serve and connect with others.

It's about accepting the challenge - that you can be the person who makes that dent - however you want to do it.

Today we're talking with two experts on tuning into your own intuition.

Sarah Gregg is a psychologist and a published author with over 90,000 copies of her books sold. And Jill Ritchie is a highly sought after intuitive coach who's worked with Olympians, celebrities, and high achieving entrepreneurs to help them really begin learn how to trust their intuition and step into their best selves, their highest selves.

And when these two women got together, what a powerful combo they made.

I know that my own intuition has been a part of my life as a therapist. So, I was eager to hear how these two women came to believe and create The Intuitive Psychology Association.

There’s a word for intense fear of change. Metathesiophobia.

That’s when your fear of change is so strong and affects your life so intensely that you’ve developed an actual phobia around change. If that has become the case, then you’d avoid any change in your life as much as possible and stay in a constant state of agitation or vigilance about potential change.

But change is inevitable. Time brings change. People change. Children change. Circumstances change. Cultures change. Even beliefs can change.

Yet you could live a life denying change. You could keep treating your kids like kids, instead of seeing them grow into their own beings. You could fight your body changing and aging with all sorts of anti-aging products. You could see cultural change and fear it so much that you become paranoid about its impact and fight against it, surrounding yourself with people who share your beliefs. And share your fear.

In this episode of SelfWork, we’ll tackle this very important distinction: how you’re fearing something because of the limited information you have about it, not realizing how your own assumptions about it are keeping you afraid.

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Click here to find out more about Dr. Margaret's PESI course on perfectionism and depression on November 2, 2026! It's virtual!