Showing results by narrator "Jon Culshaw" in All Categories

The City Watch needs men! But what it's got includes Corporal Carrot (technically a dwarf), Lance-Constable Cuddy (really a dwarf), Lance-Constable Detritus (a troll), Lance-Constable Angua (a woman...most of the time) and Corporal Nobbs (disqualified from the human race for shoving). And they need all the help they can get, because someone in Ankh-Morpork has been getting dangerous ideas - about crowns and legendary swords and destiny.

Koom Valley, the ancient battle where the trolls ambushed the dwarfs, or the dwarfs ambushed the trolls, was a long time ago. But if he doesn't solve the murder of just one dwarf, Commander Sam Vimes of Ankh-Morpork City Watch is going to see it fought again, right outside his office. With his beloved Watch crumbling around him and war-drums sounding, he must unravel every clue, outwit every assassin and brave any darkness to find the solution. And darkness is following him.

They say that diplomacy is a gentle art. That mastering it is a lifetime's work. But you do need a certain inclination in that direction. It's not something you can just pick up on the job. A few days ago Sam Vimes was a copper - an important copper, true - chief of police - but still, at his core, a policeman. But today he is an ambassador - to the mysterious, fat-rich country of Uberwald. Today, Sam Vimes is also a man on the run. At some point during his ambassadorship, things went very wrong. It's snowing. It's freezing.

When the neighbours in question are the proud empires of Klatch and Ankh-Morpork, those are going to be some pretty large garden tools indeed. Of course, no-one would dream of starting a war without a perfectly good reason...such as a 'strategic' piece of old rock in the middle of nowhere. It is after all every citizen's right to bear arms to defend their own. Even if it isn't technically their own. And even if they don't have much in the way of actual weaponry.

Are you ready to meet the World’s Worst Children? Five beastly boys and five gruesome girls! Like Sofia Sofa – a TV super-fan so stuck to the sofa that she’s turning into one! Or Dribbling Drew – a boy whose drool gets him into trouble on a school trip! And not forgetting Blubbering Bertha – a girl who bawls and tells terrible tales! Ready for more? The beastly boys and gruesome girls in this book are even ruder, even more disgusting and WORSE than you could ever imagine! Just when you thought it was safe to go back to your bookshelf, 10 more horrendously hilarious stories!

Insurrection is in the air in the city of Ankh-Morpork. The Haves and Have-Nots are about to fall out all over again. Captain Sam Vimes of the city's ramshackle Night Watch is used to this. It's enough to drive a man to drink. Well, to drink more. But this time, something is different - the Have-Nots have found the key to a dormant, lethal weapon that even they don't fully understand and they're about to unleash a campaign of terror on the city. Time for Captain Vimes to sober up.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a policeman taking a holiday would barely have had time to open his suitcase before he finds his first corpse. Commander Sam Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch is on holiday in the pleasant and innocent countryside, but not for him a mere body in the wardrobe. There are many, many bodies - and an ancient crime more terrible than murder. He is out of his jurisdiction, out of his depth, out of bacon sandwiches; and out of his mind. But never out of guile. Where there is a crime there must be a punishment.

From the phenomenal number-one best seller David Walliams comes another collection of more hilariously horrible children! Just when you thought it was safe to go back to your bookshelf, 10 more horrendously hilarious stories about the absolute worst children ever! From 10-year-old Hank and his endless pranks on his poor, long-suffering family to Tandy and her titanic tantrums, this brand-new collection is the perfect companion to World's Worst Children books 1 and 2 and an ideal gift for the worst children in your life!

For Commander Vimes, Head of Ankh-Morpork City Watch, life consists of troubling times, linked together by...well, more troubling times. Right now, it's the latter. There's a werewolf with pre-lunar tension in the city and a dwarf with attitude and a golem who's begun to think for itself, but that's just ordinary trouble. The real problem is more puzzling - people are being murdered, but there's no trace of anything alive having been at the crime scene.

For a policeman, there can be few things worse than a serial killer loose in your city. Except, perhaps, a serial killer who targets coppers, and a city on the brink of bloody revolution. For Commander Sam Vimes, it all feels horribly familiar. Caught on the roof of a very magical building during a storm, he's found himself back in his own rough, tough past without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck. Living in the past is hard, especially when your time travel companion is a serial killer who knows where you live.

In 'Doctor Who and the Dalek Invasion of Earth' the TARDIS lands in the 21st century to find a ravaged London at the mercy of familiar foes. In 'Doctor Who: Daleks - Mission to the Unknown' and 'Doctor Who: Daleks - The Mutation of Time' conquest of the universe seems assured for Mavic Chen and his allies, the Daleks. In 'Doctor Who: Death to the Daleks' the Doctor and Sarah are drawn to the planet Exillon, shortly before the Daleks arrive.

An early warning of disaster brings International Rescue to Peru to assist in relief efforts following a series of earth tremors—and sends the Thunderbirds in search of an ancient Inca treasure trove hidden beneath a long-lost temple deep in the South American jungle! When Lady Penelope is kidnapped by sinister treasure hunters, Scott Tracy and Parker are soon hot on their trail. Along the way they'll have to solve a centuries-old mystery, brave the inhospitable wilderness of the jungle and even tangle with a lost tribe—with the evil Hood close behind them all the way.

Football has come to the ancient city of Ankh-Morpork - not the old fashioned, grubby pushing and shoving but the new, fast football with pointy hats for goalposts and balls that go gloing when you drop them. And now, the wizards of Unseen University must win a football match, without using magic, so they're in the mood for trying everything else. The prospect of the Big Match draws in a street urchin with a wonderful talent for kicking a tin can, a maker of jolly good pies, a dim but beautiful young woman who might just turn out to be the greatest fashion model there has ever been, and the mysterious Mr Nutt.

What if there's another side to Donald Trump? A sensitive, poetic side? Driven by this question, Rob Sears began combing The Donald's words for signs of poetry. What he found was a revelation. By simply taking the President's tweets and transcripts, cutting them up, and reordering them, he unearthed a trove of beautiful verse that was just waiting to be discovered.

The hugely powerful Key to Time has been split into six segments, all of which have been disguised and hidden throughout time and space. Now the even more powerful White Guardian wants the Doctor to find the pieces. With the first segment successfully retrieved, the Doctor, Romana and K9 trace the second segment of the Key to the planet Calufrax. But when they arrive at exactly the right point in space, they find themselves on exactly the wrong planet - Zanak.

Jon Culshaw reads this classic novelisation of Doctor Who's special 20th Anniversary TV adventure, featuring the Doctor in each of his first five incarnations. Each one has been removed from his time-stream and - with one unfortunate exception - brought to the Death Zone on Gallifrey. There, they - along with an array of their loyal former companions - encounter numerous deadly obstacles including Daleks, Cybermen, Yeti, the Master and a fiendish set of puzzles. Who is the ultimate enemy they must all unite to defeat?

Landing on an apparently devastated planet, the Doctor and Romana make a horrifying discovery. The planet is Skaro, home-world of the Daleks. The Daleks are excavating in order to find and revive Davros, the scientific genius who first created them. They hope that he will give them the scientific superiority to break the deadlock with their Movellan enemies. Faced once more with the deadly and seemingly indestructible Daleks, the Doctor's wits and strength are stretched to their very limits.

The place: Skaro. Time: the Birth of the Daleks. After a 1000 years of futile war against the Thals, Davros has perfected the physical form that will carry his race into eternity - the dreaded Dalek. Without feeling, conscience or pity, the Dalek is programmed to exterminate. At the command of the Time Lords, the Doctor travels back through time in an effort to totally destroy this terrible menace of the future. But even the Doctor cannot always win....

Thunderbird Five is attacked by an unknown enemy with uncanny powers. An unidentified object is tracked landing in the Gobi desert, but what’s the connection? Scott Tracy races to the scene in the incredible Thunderbird One, but he cannot begin to imagine the terrible danger he is about to encounter. Alone in the barren wilderness, he is possessed by a malevolent intelligence and assigned a fiendish mission—one which, if successful, will have the most terrifying consequences for the entire world. International Rescue are about to face their most astounding adventure yet!

The complete 21st series of the award-winning BBC Radio 4 impressions show - plus three Christmas specials. The award-winning topical satire show returns with an online audience to serve up more mimicry, mockery and mordant wit. Series 21 brings us exclusive footage from Boris and Carrie's secret wedding, the truth behind the historic summit between Presidents Joe Biden and Vladimir Putin and the real secret of Andy Murray's success.