Showing results by narrator "Jared Goldsmith" in All Categories

The New York Times best selling cartoonist behind the nationally acclaimed comic strip Pearls Before Swine, Stephan Pastis has won raves for Timmy Failure, the hilarious first book in a new series for young listeners. With the help of a polar bear named Total, Timmy Failure hopes to strike it rich by running the best detective agency around. The only problem is that our supremely confident hero is often more bumbling than brainy.

Disaster reigns when A.J. participates in the school's holiday pageant celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa.

Miss Small, the gym teacher, is teaching A.J., Andrea, and the gang to juggle scarves, balance feathers, and do the Chicken Dance! Is this any way to stay in shape? Whatever happened to good old dodgeball? In fact, all the grown-ups at A.J.'s school seem to have something wrong with them. What's going on here? What are A.J. and the kids in his class going to do? They've got to convince Miss Small to act her age before the end of the year! Never before has school been this mixed up -- or this much fun.

Something weird is going on! A.J. and his friends are afraid that Ms. Todd, their substitute teacher, has killed their regular teacher and is trying to take over her job. They’re going to have to do the detective work to get the goods on her. But it won’t be easy! Ms. Todd is the weirdest substitute teacher in the history of the world!

With over one million copies of his books in print, New York Times best-selling author Dan Gutman is a hit with young readers thanks to his energetic stories tinged with uproarious humor. Mrs. Kormel Is Not Normal! introduces Ella Mentry Elementary School's zany bus driver. Mrs. Kormel has been driving everyone crazy lately, and it's up to AJ and his buddies to figure out why.

What could be weirder than a mad science teacher who invents a car that runs on potatoes and wants to take over the world? How about a bus driver who can't even "find" the weirdest school on the planet?

His name is Failure. Timmy Failure. And his detective agency is on the verge of global domination. Global riches. Global fame. And yet the gods keep throwing him curveballs: for starters, academic probation. The coveted Miracle Report is the key to everything, including a good grade. It’s dirty business. It’s best you know nothing. But one thing is for sure: Timmy Failure will be triumphant again!

Something weird is going on! Ms. LaGrange talks funny and she's from some other country called France! She thinks the vomitorium is a fancy restaurant! She grows her own food right out of the ground! Yuck! Plus, she's writing secret messages in the mashed potatoes!

Behold! You are all about to be witnesses to greatness. In this fourth volume of Timmy Failure's memoirs, Timmy is forced to hit the road in a cross-country trip that includes Timmy's mom, Total the polar bear, Doorman Dave, and smells-like-a-tangerine criminal mastermind Molly Moskins. It's a world gone mad, where good becomes bad, and Timmy Failure is a condemned man. Someone call the authorities....

New York Times best-selling author Stephan Pastis is the creator of the award-winning comic strip Pearls Before Swine. Now Look What You' ve Done finds comically clueless kid detective Timmy Failure on the cusp of cracking the biggest case of his generation. The school globe' s been stolen and a $500 reward is up for grabs. But before claiming the prize, Timmy and his polar-bear sidekick Total will have to trip up a rascal trying to scam the system.

Something weird is going on! Miss Suki is a famous children's book author - and she's coming to A.J.'s school! She lives in the rainforest and writes about endangered animals. But when her pet raptor gets loose in the classroom, it's the kids who are going to be endangered! Yikes!

A.J. and the other students at Ella Mentry School brave trick-or-treating at the school secretary's house, even though it is supposedly haunted. Mrs. Patty, the secretary, gives out the best Halloween candy in the history of the world! But her house is haunted! People say she's a witch and her husband is a ghost. Is it worth A.J.'s risking his life for the best candy ever?

Mr. Macky dresses up as Abraham Lincoln to get the students at Ella Mentry School excited about their Presidents' Day oral reports.

Timmy is in Key West, Florida, ostensibly for the honeymoon of his mother and Doorman Dave - if they even got married, which Timmy doubts. Unfortunately for Timmy, crime doesn't take a vacation. And because Total has fled to Cuba seeking political asylum, Timmy must rely on a new partner for help: Doorman Dave's nephew Emilio. Meanwhile, a surprise newcomer shows up in Timmy's life, and, as if things couldn't get more hectic, Timmy's pants have been stolen by a six-toed cat.

It's Poetry Month and Ms. Coco, who runs the gifted and talented program, is poetry crazy! She cries when she sees a sunset! She thinks boys should have feelings! She talks in rhyme! All the time! Will A.J.'s life ever be normal again?

This book was never meant to exist. No one needs to know the details. Just know this: there's a Merry, a Larry, a missing tooth, and a teachers' strike that is crippling Timmy Failure's academic future. Worst of all, Timmy is banned from detective work. It's a conspiracy of buffoons. He recorded everything in his private notebook, but then the manuscript was stolen. If this book gets out, he will be grounded for life. Or maybe longer. And will Timmy's mom really marry Doorman Dave.

Valentines Day is just around the corner, and Mr. Louie, the hippie crossing guard, wants everyone to fall in love. So he puts a secret love potion in the water fountain. Will A.J. have to kiss Andrea?

Something weird is going on! Mrs. Yonkers, the computer teacher, is the nerdiest teacher in the history of the world. She can type with her feet! She buys foam cheeseheads off eBay! She even puts a Webcam on a turtle! Is she trying to take over the planet?

Prolific and popular author Dan Gutman launches a fun new series with this tale about second-grader A.J. and the unusual school he attends. On the first day of class, A.J. tells Miss Daisy he loves football and video games but hates school. Then Miss Daisy tells him she hates school, too, and the students think their teacher just might be an impostor.

Though I, Timmy Failure, have solved many notorious crimes and now wish to enjoy my retirement, my fans have begged me to turn my memoirs into a movie, an ode to my greatness. I am, however, beset by enemies, the worst of whom is Tom John John, the buffoonish movie director. What’s more, my father is in town, working at a bar, which is obviously just a cover for our father-son crime-fighting partnership. And my dimwitted polar bear business partner, Total, wants to be reunited with his family.