10 Ways We Unintentionally Make Singles Feel Invisible in the ChurchBy Brenda Rogers, ibelieve.comI dreaded Sunday; it was my least favorite day of the week. I went to church, but not Bible study because there wasn't a class for me. I sat on the pew alone watching married couples in front of me holding hands. Then I quietly slipped out. After all, I was single.I was most aware of my singleness when I went to church on Sunday mornings. It was like a sign hung from my neck, tagging me as someone to treat with kid-gloves or to not engage at all.That was about 10 years ago, and since then, there has been more conversation about singleness in the church. This is good. However, we need to keep this topic in the front of our minds or else we'll miss an entire group of people who need discipling and shepherding just as much as anyone else.Here are 10 ways we unintentionally make singles feel invisible in the church:1. Believe They Have Ulterior MotivesAfter a training session on serving in the children's ministry, I went up to the male speaker to ask a question about what he was teaching us. He was fidgety and short with his answers – obviously uncomfortable. After that awkward interaction, I thought more about it, wondering why he acted that way. Then it hit me – I was a single woman talking to a married man. The room was filled with people, and my question was about the training he presented, but he may have seen me as someone with ulterior motives.There's no doubt that Christian men and women, single and married, need to be vigilant of snares from the enemy. He is prowling around like a lion waiting to kill, steal, and destroy our families, ministries, and callings. It is prudent and wise to treat interactions with the opposite sex, married or single, differently so that Satan does not get a foothold. However, we cannot operate under the fear that single people always have an ulterior motive when talking to someone of the opposite sex. Single people are not out to find a spouse or steal a spouse no matter the cost. We shouldn't treat them as if they are.2. Don't Include Them in Sermon ExamplesI've sat in church listening to sermons and thought, "What about the people who are single?" I used to be one of those people, and it was disheartening to hear a sermon where the emphasis of all life's struggles centered around being a spouse and parent. When we ignore an entire group of people in our congregations, it shows that we do not see them or understand them.Pastors and other church leaders, along with the congregation, should make understanding the needs of singles a priority so that they can address their needs in sermons and in other places within the church. This is how we love them. The opportunity is before us to disciple people before they are married so that, by God's grace, they make wise and healthy decisions and build strong marriages and families in the future. To ignore this group of people is a missed opportunity.Plus, single people can teach married people so much about modern culture that they may not realize in the context of marriage and family. I have found for myself that family life creates a sort of bubble where I become sheltered from issues in the world. Singles can help pop that bubble.3. Don't Talk to Them Like AdultsOnce at a social event, I was the only single woman. As I stood with a group of the women, one of them declared, "We really shouldn't be talking about this with Brenda here." Humiliation covered my face. She put me in a different category and made me feel like a child. The best way to understand singles is to befriend them not out of pity or even mentorship, but out of genuine desire for their friendship. Just treat them like you would any other adult and treat their friendship like any other friendship.4. Convey the Message that Singleness is a SinThe message that singleness is a sin is subtle, but it's there. I believe culture has a lot to do with this. The truth is people are waiting longer to get married for self-focused reasons - to travel, get advanced degrees, move up in a career, accumulate wealth, and enjoy the freedom of singleness. However, rushing into marriage or marrying an unequally yoked person can be an act of disobedience just as much as staying single for selfish reasons. Remember, the Bible tells us that people should not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).The decision to marry or stay single is a matter of the heart. I don't mean the romantic heart, but your heart relationship with Jesus. It's an act of obedience. An act of worship. An act of service. A person's decision to marry is uniquely personal. It will look different as God leads people differently.The state of singleness itself is not sinful. It does not inherently mean that a person is selfish or wants to date around or sow their oats. After all, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:38 that a person who stays single does even better than a person who marries. 5. Believe They are Doing ...
