Last night, tears welled up in my eyes whileI brushed my teeth reflecting on my quality of life. I was thinking about allthe things I can’t do anymore that I used to love. Between my sobriety, stroke,and vestibular disorder, my world looks completely different than it did lessthan a decade ago. Last night, my world seemed much slower and smaller.

I thought getting sober in 2016 meant I’dnever have fun again and wouldn’t be any fun to be around. Now, on top of that,my disability limits where I can go and what I can tolerate visually andphysically. It’s so easy to slip into self-pity, stacking up all the thingsI’ve lost. But this morning, I remembered that similar feeling in earlysobriety and that my life only got better after that. I still have control overhow I shape my joy just as I did when I got sober.

The real question I’ve been asking myselftoday is, “am I seeking joy, or am I seeking validation?” When I write, recordmy podcast, and share ways that folks in recovery can still enjoy life, am Idoing the same for myself? My focus in stroke recovery shifted from chasingexternal markers of success to simply showing up for myself and others.Recovery requires me to be honest about what I’ve lost but also what I’vegained. When joy feels like it no longer fits, mold it, like playdough, intosomething that contours to where you are today.

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Visit my Etsy shop, Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ oremail me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

For more information about vestibulardisorders, visit https://vestibular.org.

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