This morning, I was introduced to the idea that love and fear can’t coexist. As is always my reaction, I responded with, “that’s not true.” I have a tendency to disprove ideas rather than digest them. Recognizing this character defect, I applied this idea to my recovery. I realized quickly that as self-love pushed in to my life in sobriety, fear was pushed out. But there’s more to it.

This process didn’t happen without faith and willingness. Willing to listen to others’ experiences, I heard my drunkalogue coming out of their mouths. My fears were their fears. And through that shared experience, strength, and hope I gained faith in my fellowship. That faith deconstructed my fears and enabled me to love myself, just as I am.

My story includes two years of addiction therapy, where she asked me, “what are you afraid of?” The more I said it out loud, the less isolated I became. Love is connection and fear is isolation. As I made micro-decisions to let go of fears, I became able to freely give and receive love—including self-love.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

#LoveOverFear, #FaithInRecovery, #SelfLoveJourney, #OvercomingFear, #SobrietyStories, #HealingThroughFaith, #RecoveryCommunity, #MentalHealthMatters, #AddictionRecovery, #PersonalGrowth.

My catastrophic thinking worsens when I don’t feel good. Last night when I got in bed I started obsessing about the drone sightings over New Jersey, then it rippled out into morbid stories I was telling myself which included my family members. After several minutes of self-induced panic, I recognized the downward spiral of my ‘thinker’ and made an immediate and conscious decision to stop and turn off my thinker.

Having experienced many sober 24 hours, I’ve learned that I have a toolbox full of strategies to handle my ‘catastrophic thinking’ when it arises.

How do I do this? We already established that I am crazy, so there’s no risk in sharing my thought process with you.

Toward the end of my drinking career, I remember heading to work but deciding I couldn’t face it—I needed a drink. I stopped at a gas station, bought a bottle of wine at 7:30 am, and parked in a nearby neighborhood. One swig brought an audible sigh of relief as my brain flooded with dopamine. It wasn’t the effect of alcohol, because I’d only taken one gulp. Instead, it was the gratification of my obsession that muted my mind.

Months later, once I was sober, I recalled that moment—the feeling of hitting the mute switch. Today, I’ve learned to recreate that relief, on command without alcohol. I take a deep breath, and with the exhale, I let go. I imagine my mind quieting, going mute, the chaos dissolving into space, and I feel that same sense of release—no alcohol required.

After eight years of practice, I’m getting better at it. Most people call it meditation, and for me, it’s a choice to shut down the crazy. I can make that decision at any time without relying on anything but myself.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

#CatastrophicThinking #MentalHealthMatters #RecoveryJourney #MeditationPractice #QuietTheMind #SobrietyTools #OvercomingAnxiety #MindfulLiving #SelfAwareness #BreakingTheCycle

Before my episode today, I listened to “Never Say Never” by The Fray. I listen to song lyrics and let the music guide their meaning for me. I can listen to the same song on five different occasions and feel something different each time. Today the song gave me compassion for how there are some things we don’t talk about, and we are supposed to just take it and smile, even though I have the same damn problem every day. It made me feel gratitude that I have been courageous enough to talk and nobody is telling me to shut up about it. I feel myself falling apart and being put back together time and time again. The song helped me choose to feel today, and not ignore the emotional pain that goes with the constant physical pain.

It's taken a lot of practice, but thanks to my sobriety program I am finally living one day at a time, although I don’t do it perfectly. I thought I’d mastered it, until I had my stroke. I again began to future trip, thinking, “how am I going to live the rest of my life this way?” Instead of getting upset about how to do the rest of my life, I focus on how I’m going to do today.

I am learning how to stay away from phrases that include the words ‘never’ and ‘always’. Today I made a decision when I woke up to choose recovery. I gave up control—I never had it anyway.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

#NeverSayNever #OneDayAtATime #SobrietyJourney #ChooseRecovery #EmotionalHealing #GratitudePractice #LivingInTheMoment #StrokeSurvivor #CourageToHeal #RecoveryIsPossible