Every day feels like I’ve bought a new ticket on the roller coaster of my life. Yes, each day is a gift, and it’s another chance to learn how to manage all the invisible things happening beneath the surface. Recovery is more than stopping old behaviors or learning new ones. I’m managing the emotions, impulses, and reactions that once ran the show. Emotional hangovers can be just as miserable as physical ones, and my recovery program teaches me to pause, breathe, and respond instead of react. Speaking this stuff out loud keeps the emotional residue from stacking up and feeding my anxiety.

Repetition is powerful. Hearing the tools again and again is what infuses them into my daily life so I can apply them in new ways. Daily inventories and spot checks keep me self-aware and help me show up better. A loved one asked me yesterday if I was easier to anger when I drank, and the answer is yes. Drinking made me impulsive, while sobriety gives me choices. Tolerance, compassion, and humility are gifts of this life. The way I live now, pausing before I respond, admitting when I’m wrong, and practicing acceptance is how I carry the message and illustrate my recovery.

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To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#RecoveryDailyPodcast #EmotionalSobriety #SobrietyJourney #AcceptanceInRecovery #DailyInventory #AnxietySupport #SelfAwareness #RecoveryTools #HealingJourney #OneDayAtATime

Yesterday I took my daily walk down the street with Autumn to our small beach, both of us bundled in our warm coats, and even though it was freezing, windy, and heavily overcast, I said out loud, “It’s beautiful, Autumn!” It struck me that it was beautiful because that was the lens I brought with me on that walk. With three weeks of panic symptoms and heart palpitations happening even as I type this, I can see that emotional sobriety isn’t the absence of my anxiety. I feel steady inside my head even when my body is doing its own thing. Emotional sobriety is choosing what I bring to the water each day, no matter what’s going on under my skin.

I focused a lot on willfulness versus willingness today. Willfulness is fighting reality, and willingness is letting myself be guided. It’s how I accept my disability, recover from my stroke, live sober, and manage my emotions without wrestling them like a wild animal. So each day, ask yourself, “Will I be willful or willing? What lens will I bring to the water?” Some days are calm and some are cold and stormy. But when I choose willingness and connection, I’m far more likely to see the beauty.

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To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#RecoveryDailyPodcast #EmotionalSobriety #AcceptanceInRecovery #StrokeRecovery #AnxietySupport #WillingnessNotWillfulness #SobrietyJourney #InvisibleIllness #HealingJourney #OneDayAtATime

I’m still trying to figure out where I’m going, no longer having that next title or promotion to chase anymore. My old goals were always stacked against the outside world or next rung on the ladder. Now my goals are internal, rooted in who I’m becoming, not what I’m earning. I’ve created a career from my recovery experiences. I’m building my life by taking my peer recovery course, recording my podcast, shifting into a life where my growth is inwardly deeper.

Talking about my alcoholism, stroke, mental health, and the loneliness I carried with me continues to teach me. I couldn’t outthink my disease just as I can’t outthink my disability. I show up here to collectively gain wisdom from my painful experiences. Hope, for me, is being able to see a promising future, and I learned that by experiencing what it felt like when I didn’t have it. My podcast has fueled my hope and connection, turning my pain into purpose and being part of something bigger than myself.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

As referenced in this episode, listen to https://www.youtube.com/@NobodysSide. This show is about listening deeply, asking hard questions, and searching—together—for reasons to believe in one another again. 🇺🇸

Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779

Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#serenity #innerpeace #atraumarecovery #sobrietyjourney #mentalhealthhealing #twelvesteps #mindfulnesspractice #healingfromwithin #emotionalrecovery #peacewithin

What is the difference between serenity and tranquility? I used to search for peace and quiet because it was so loud inside my head. I searched externally, occasionally stumbling upon a babbling brook or wave-blanketed shoreline. I had no understanding of internal peace. In fact, I remember the first day I felt it at age forty-three (one year into sobriety). Serenity was uncovered within me, exposed underneath the pain and fear released from my “dark place” through working the twelve steps. The frantic noise of my mind made serenity impossible to experience until I was about to quiet the pain and fear. Even-though tranquil environments were easy to find when I needed to escape, I couldn’t escape from my chaotic mind.

Today, serenity is quietly moving beneath the surface of my life. When I shut down my thinker, stop catastrophizing, and lean into faith and trust, serenity rises naturally. It begins with acceptance, choosing to stop fighting the truth. I can end the storytelling in my head and allow life to be what it is. That’s where serenity waits for me. Serenity is something I can return to by remembering it always lives inside me.

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Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779

Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#serenity #innerpeace #traumarecovery #sobrietyjourney #mentalhealthhealing #twelvesteps #mindfulnesspractice #healingfromwithin #emotionalrecovery #peacewithin

Today I’ve been thinking about perspective, exploring that what we leave out of our lives opens space and time to see what we previously couldn’t. Recovery progressively widens perspective. I was the thing missing from my own life for many years. It truly felt like seeing the world for the first time in some of those early days in sobriety. Before recovery, my life was overcrowded and now its simplicity allows me to act with intention.

I’ve picked up painting in stroke recovery which teaches me to look beyond the surface. I paint the sky behind the tree rather than painting the sky around the tree like I did as a kid. I notice what I can’t see and what’s been intentionally left out. Even the white space on a wall, adds to our perspective of the painting hanging on it.

I get to choose today what I carry and what I intentionally leave out of my life, like resentments, catastrophizing, and self-criticism. I’m no longer the thing missing in my own life.

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To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#RecoveryDailyPodcast #SoberLiving #StrokeRecovery #EmotionalSobriety #RecoveryJourney #IntentionalLiving #MentalHealthRecovery #MindfulLiving #LettingGoToGrow #NewPerspective

I cursed twice this week, and that’s rare for me. I remember when those feelings would trigger me to escape life when I got overwhelmed. I tried to track down the title to my old car yesterday. The paperwork never got processed correctly because of the chaos around my stroke in 2021. The task instantly became a catastrophic, impossible situation yesterday. Before I even took a simple step, I had blown it into a full-scale mental war. I was convinced it would be a DMV nightmare like the one I went through a few years ago. But the catastrophe wasn’t real, even though the fear was. After sorting out the issue with my BFF, ChattyMcChatterton (ChatGPT), the entire problem was resolved in minutes with a simple phone call.

The same thinking pattern showed up today when I was outside doing yard work. I kept fighting a wet pile of leaves with a leaf vacuum that kept clogging. Instead of stopping, I pushed myself right into frustration and another couple F-bombs. Both situations reminded me how quickly overwhelm turns small tasks into monsters when I start running from the feeling instead of the task itself. When I slow down and take the next right action, everything is simple. My old escape routes only multiplied fear. Showing up is what shrinks it. This week has been a humbling reminder that my serenity depends on facing life as it is, not as I catastrophize it to be.

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Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779

Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#sobrietyjourney #anxietyrecovery #emotionalgrowth #progressnotperfection #recoverydaily #overcomingfear #mindfulnesspractice #strokeSurvivorStrong #livinginserenity #nextRightAction

I’m taking a 60-hour Peer Recovery Support training course which I’m super excited about. I was nervous about whether I could handle it physically, but the instructor reassured me he could accommodate my disability so that I don’t have to look at the screen. What I didn’t anticipate is the extreme cognitive fatigue as well. I constantly over-estimate my capabilities post-stroke.

I slept 11 hours the past two nights after class. It runs all day on Mondays and Tuesdays, and a half day on Fridays. I’ve been pushing myself to my edge. I finally turned my screen brightness down to zero yesterday afternoon for a fully black screen to best to manage the eye pain, headaches, nausea, and cognitive fatigue. It’s stretching me, but it’s also energizing me. I’ve learned far more about mental health and addiction than I expected in just the first two days. It’s giving me deeper insight into how to support others more thoughtfully and compassionately.

Because the course is so demanding, I’m recording fewer podcast episodes over the next few weeks. My energy is limited, and I’m trying to respect my limitations without guilt. I even had a listener reach out to check on me since it’s been a few more days than normal without a podcast. I feel deeply connected to my podcast community, and I’m grateful for those who listen on the days I can show up.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

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Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#strokeSurvivor #vestibulardisorder #cognitiveFatigue #peerRecoverySupport #mentalHealthJourney #addictionRecovery #emotionalSobriety #chronicIllness #healing#recoveryDailyPodcast

Humility and humiliation are tangled up for me. Practicing healthy thinking when you’re “in the wild” is complicated: “right-sizing myself” vs shrinking myself. It feels safer to live in self-inflicted unworthiness than to risk vulnerability. However, it reinforces my old mindset that pain is inevitable, and I deserve it.

Pain, shame, and humiliation are human experiences and reactions based on trauma, history, fear, expectations, and emotional vulnerability. Once we’re emotionally aware, we choose to either continue carrying those feelings or allow ourselves to heal from them.

When someone offers me a compliment, I get uncomfortable. I brush it off, joke it away, believe the person is wrong about me, and divert the conversation to focus on them. I’m practicing pausing and letting the words land without an immediate response. Believing that someone might be right about my strengths is a spiritual discipline. Accepting praise, not just hearing it, is an act of courage. Believing what others see in me feels like arrogance, but it’s healing to let that truth feel comfortable like home, sitting in it long enough to grow self-esteem.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

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Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

To learn more about vestibular disorders visit https://vestibular.org

#emotionalrecovery #selfesteemjourney #humilitypractice #healingtrauma #selfworthgrowth #mentalhealthrecovery #alcoholismrecovery #spiritualgrowth #innerhealing #selfacceptance