As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an important role in your teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-teen relationship. Teaching your teen to repair harm is an excellent opportunity.

Your support in growing the skill of repairing harm can help your teen develop social awareness -- “the ability to understand the perspectives of and empathize with others, including those from diverse backgrounds, cultures, and contexts.”^1 They’ll develop relationship skills as they learn how to mend hurt feelings in friendships or with coaches, teachers, or mentors. They’ll also exercise responsible decision making, or “the ability to make caring and constructive choices about personal behavior and social interactions across diverse situations,” learning that their choices cause a reaction or outcome, which can harm others or themselves.” ^1 These skills grow your teen’s sense of responsibility, while improving your relationship.

Some parents and those in a parenting role feel that if they do not impose punishments, their teens will not understand that their behavior is inappropriate. When a teen is punished, they often feel angry or hurt. They also may feel that your intervention is unfair or unjust as they exert more independence. This impacts their relationship with you while failing to teach them the appropriate constructive behavior and build a skill. Your teen is likely to miss the lesson you want to emphasize. An even greater risk is that the injustice they feel can lead them to hide or not share challenging circumstances in their lives that you want to be aware of.

Punishment often leads to more poor choices. A vicious cycle begins in which a teen feels bad about themselves and repeats the behaviors expected of a “bad teen.” To interrupt this cycle, parents and those in a parenting role need to learn to actively support them in repairing harm.

You can expect that teens ages 15-19 will make mistakes, test limits, and break rules. And when they do, they only consider their impulses and desires and not how they might impact you or others. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision making and reasoning, fully develops once your teen is in their mid-twenties, so it is natural for teens to forget to pause before acting. Teens require support and follow-through from parents and those in a parenting role to understand the impact and how to improve things. They need to understand that they always have another chance to repair harm. This skill is developed over time and requires a lot of practice.

Research confirms that teens are developing higher-order thinking skills, such as consequential thinking and linking cause to effect.^2 This directly impacts their school, including college success, their ability to sustain healthy relationships, and their ability to take responsibility for their actions as they grow. Teens need the guidance and support of caring adults to learn these skills.

Guidance on repairing harm can be challenging for many parents and those in a parenting role.^3 Instead of a quick, reflexive response like yelling, scolding, or punishing, repairing harm takes time, follow-through, and thoughtful consideration. Yet, it can become your teen's most powerful teaching opportunity as they learn to take responsibility for their actions and begin to understand how their choices impact others. As you utilize these teachable moments, your relationship with them will be enriched. The steps below include specific, practical strategies along with effective conversation starters.

When your fifteen-year-old hides a failed test, your sixteen-year-old lies about going to a friend’s house where there’s alcohol available, or your nineteen-year-old verbally fights with a neighbor, these situations are

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-teen relationship while building essential listening skills in your teen.

Your teen’s success depends on their ability to listen and understand what you and others communicate. Listening skills can support your teen’s ability to engage in healthy relationships, focus, and learn. For example, teens must listen to their teacher if they follow directions and successfully navigate expectations at school. Not surprisingly, better listening skills are associated with school success.

Teens and emerging young adults ages 15-19 are transitioning between childhood and adulthood, learning about who they will become as independent people, their strengths and limitations, why they feel the way they do, and how they relate to others. This is also known as their self-awareness. They come to better understand themselves through interactions with you, their teachers, and their peers. This is a critical time to teach and practice listening skills.

However, everyone encounters difficulties in listening. With screens, such as mobile devices, captivating teens for hours each day, it's easy to overlook chances to engage with your teen and practice listening skills. Effective listening involves utilizing crucial skills such as impulse control, focused attention, empathy, and nonverbal and verbal communication.

For parents or those in a parenting role, the key to many challenges, like building essential listening skills, is finding ways to communicate to meet your and your teen’s needs. The steps below include specific and practical strategies to prepare you for growing this vital skill.

Whether it’s your fifteen-year-old walking away frustrated while you are talking or your nineteen-year-old daydreaming during their teacher’s instructions and not understanding how to do their research paper, establishing regular ways of practicing listening skills can prepare your teen for family, school, and life success.

Today, in the short term, teaching skills to listen effectively and reflectively can create

● greater opportunities for connection, cooperation, and enjoyment

● trust in each other that you have the competence to manage your relationships and responsibilities

● a sense of well-being and motivation to engage

● language and literacy fluency

Tomorrow, in the long term, working on effective listening skills with your teen

● develops a sense of safety, security, and a belief in self

● builds skills in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making

● deepens family trust and intimacy

This five-step process helps you and your teen cultivate effective listening skills, a critical life skill. The same process can also address other parenting issues (learn more about it)[1] .

Tip: These steps are done best when you and your teen are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication[2] and healthy parenting relationships[3] will support these steps.

You can get your teen thinking about listening skills...

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-teen relationship and ensure they develop a healthy relationship with technology.

Technology use has become essential to your teen’s life and learning in school. It has the potential to play a role in:

● social and emotional development[1]

● language development

● connection to friends, family, and others

● academic learning

● empathy and understanding of others

● imagination

● ability to choose healthy behaviors (preventing high-risk behaviors and unhealthy choices)

Teens ages 15-19 range from the middle of adolescence to their emerging adult years beginning at ages 18-19, where they will cultivate their independent identity. Additionally, they’ll experiment with and learn social skills through forging and prioritizing friendships and peer opinions. They will create more independent relationships with teachers, coaches, and you while demonstrating competence or mastery in extracurricular activities like sports, music, or other areas.

Yet, technology can pose challenges. Nationally, the majority of parents say that parenting is harder than it was twenty years ago, and most point to technology as the primary reason.^1 Let’s take a deeper look at the screen time habits of this age group: ^2

- 15-18-year-olds are on screens an average of 8-9 hours per day, with boys an average of one hour longer than girls. Most of this screen time is spent watching online videos.

- The second most utilized technology is video gaming, with 39% of teens reporting they enjoy gaming “a lot” and an average usage of nearly two hours daily.

Screen time can take away time from family being together and growing intimate connections. Indeed, addiction can become a real threat as those jolts of happy hormones (dopamine) are fueled; infinite scrolling is the norm on social media, and games are programmed to keep them perpetually engaged. Daily device use can take time away from other critical pursuits for their physical, social, emotional, and cognitive development, such as reading, playing outdoors, unstructured creative time, friend time, homework, and more. The kinds of content that a teen can view or stumble into online can range from mildly irritating to disturbing and dangerous, whether it involves repeated consumer messages, cartoon violence, graphic violence, fake news, or even pornography. Additionally, teens can encounter social aggression and bullying online and through social media, which can hurt uniquely since they can be more publicly exposed than most in-person incidents.

We know that growing a healthy relationship with technology requires regular conversations and a commitment from the whole family to become intentional about their use of technology, including appropriate boundaries and safety practices. Approach this topic with empathy and recognize that the devices and apps are designed to make the user stay engaged and want more. Acknowledge with your teen that adults have difficulty setting boundaries with technology use. While it may take more time, planning, and encouragement with your teen to develop a healthy relationship with technology, its role can become a joyful experience, enrich your family life, and promote valuable skills for school and life success. It can also prepare your teen for a lifetime of wise habits...

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your teen’s success. There are intentional ways to teach your teen to communicate well; working with them to transform disrespect is a perfect opportunity.

You can be purposeful and deliberate about responding when you feel your teen has shown disrespect through words or actions. This can occur because they feel angry or hurt toward a parent, teacher, or family member. They may lash out with words when they feel powerless in an attempt to gain power. You must offer ways for your teen to gain power while expressing hurt or angry feelings in ways that demonstrate respect. Learning to respond to anger constructively requires all five social and emotional skills[1] : self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making. Your reaction to your teen can help teach them constructive, healthy ways to be understood, seek and gain power, and respond to others respectfully when angry or upset.

Seeking power is a typical human need. Everyone desires control over their lives. Yet, teens may often feel they lack control over their circumstances, leading to frustration. One essential role parents or those in a parenting role can play is to educate their teens on positive ways to seek and use power. Yet, when they are disrespectful, it can offend or hurt personally. Parents often need to deal with their upset feelings, calming down before responding so that they react in ways that take advantage of the teachable opportunity.

Some parents or those in a parenting role feel that if they do not impose punishments, their teens will not understand that their behavior is inappropriate. When a teen is punished, they often feel scared, humiliated, and hurt. This overwhelming sense of fear or hurt impacts their relationship with you while also failing to teach them the appropriate behavior. Your teen’s sense of injustice and anger may increase. Most importantly, your teen will likely miss the lesson you want to emphasize and feel unsafe.

Research confirms that when teens learn to identify, understand, and experience big emotions without feeling overcome, they can better manage their behavior, problem-solve, and focus their attention.^1 Teens need the guidance and support of caring adults to learn these skills.

Many parents or those in a parenting role find respect challenging. Approaching power-seeking words and actions as teachable moments that grow your teen’s skills can transform your relationship.

When your fifteen-year-old yells that she hates you when frustrated with your “No” response or your eighteen-year-old intentionally skips a family gathering when angry, these situations are opportunities to transform disrespect.

Today, in the short term, transforming disrespect into learning how to use power and channel anger in healthy ways can create

● a sense of confidence that you can help your teen regain calm and focus

● a greater understanding in you of the connection between your teen’s feelings and their behaviors

● trust in each other that you have the competence to manage your intense feelings

● a growing understanding of rules and expectations

Tomorrow, in the long term, transforming disrespect helps your teen

● build skills in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationships, and responsible decision making

● learn independence and...

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-teen relationship, and involving them in daily chores provides a perfect opportunity.

Chores allow your teen to play a role in contributing to the maintenance and care of your family’s household. Teens and emerging young adults ages 15-19 are learning and establishing lifestyle habits that will extend throughout their lifetime, whether making their beds in the morning, doing their dirty dishes, or cleaning up their games and supplies. Teens who do chores learn that part of being in a family contributes to the work and responsibilities of family life. When they pitch in, it creates a sense of autonomy, belonging, and competence.

Research has found that the best predictor of success in young adulthood can be directly traced back to whether a child began doing chores at an early age, as young as three or four.^1 But it’s never too late to begin! Another study linked children doing chores to positive mental health in their early adulthood.^2 The skills and habits your teen develops in caring for your family home will serve them well as they make their own independent home in the not-too-distant future. And, for today, doing chores teaches a work ethic essential in helping teens persist toward any type of goal.

Yet, there are challenges. Teen’s schedules are busy. After school, your teen may have soccer practice, several hours of homework, and a desire to socialize with friends. “Why do I have to bring in the garbage cans? My friends don’t,” you may hear from your fifteen-year-old. Whether cleaning up their room or setting the table for dinner, your teen may express resistance when they have other goals in mind, like, “How can I socialize or game longer?”

The key to many parenting challenges, like chores, is finding ways to communicate to meet your and your teen’s needs. Daily chores are also a way for your teen to learn valuable skills like timeliness and responsibility. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to prepare you.

Whether asking your fifteen-year-old to make their bed and turn off their lights each day or reminding your eighteen-year-old to rinse their dishes and put them in the dishwasher after dinner, these can become your daily challenges if you don’t create regular routines with input from your teen.

Today, in the short term, chores can create

● greater cooperation and motivation as you go about your daily tasks

● greater opportunities for connection and enjoyment as you each implement your respective roles and feel set up for success

● trust that your teen has the competence to complete responsibilities with practice and care, and

● added daily peace of mind.

Tomorrow, in the long term, your teen

● builds skills in collaboration and cooperative goal-setting

● builds skills in responsible decision-making, hard work, and persistence; and

● gains independence, life skills competence, and self-sufficiency

This five-step process helps you and your teen establish routines and builds important skills in your teen. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process)[1] .

Tip: These steps are done best when you and your teen are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional...

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-teen relationship, and developing your teen’s skills to communicate respectfully provides a perfect opportunity.

Conflict happens in families -- between spouses, among siblings, and between parents and teens. Arguing in family life is typical. “Back talk” can be defined as “argumentative replies.”^1 Teens can respond in anger, hurt, and frustration, using hurtful tones or words. But back talk also represents a power imbalance teens are trying to rectify. Power, after all, is a basic human need. Teens and young adults ages 15-19 are growing their listening, empathy, assertive communication, and problem-solving skills. Growing your teen’s skills to respond assertively but non-aggressively is essential to their success.

Anyone may face challenges with back talk. “You can’t tell me what to do!” your teen may exclaim in anger and frustration when you say “No” to an unsupervised party where peers may be drinking. Your teen’s responses can make you angry and upset. As your teen develops, they must test their limits and rules to internalize them. This can lead to arguments between you and your teen. They will also have evolving emotional needs and may lack the communication skills necessary to ask for what they need. Using the steps below can help navigate this challenge with skill. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to prepare you.

Whether it’s your fifteen-year-old screaming, “I hate you!” in a fight, your junior in high school shouting, “No, I won’t stop!” when screen time is over, or your nineteen-year-old crying, “It’s all your fault,” when they get rejected by their college of choice, establishing healthy ways of responding to life’s most challenging moments is a vital skill your teen needs to thrive.

Today, in the short term, teaching skills to respond to disagreements in healthy ways can create

● greater opportunities for connection, cooperation, and enjoyment

● trust in each other, and

● a sense of well-being and motivation

Tomorrow, in the long term, teaching your teen effective ways to communicate their feelings and needs

● develops a sense of safety, security, and self-belief

● grows skills in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision-making, and

● deepens family trust and intimacy

This five-step process helps you and your teen communicate during your toughest, most emotional moments in ways that do not harm. It also grows essential critical life skills. The same process can also address other parenting issues (learn more about the process[1] ).

Tip: These steps are done best when you and your teen are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication[2] and healthy parenting relationships[3] will support these steps.

You can get your teen thinking about healthy ways to communicate by asking them open-ended questions. You’ll help prompt your teen’s thinking. You’ll also better understand their thoughts, feelings, and challenges related to how they feel when confronting them so that...

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-teen relationship. Growing your teen’s skills to manage anger provides a perfect opportunity.

Teens and emerging adults ages 15-19 still learn about their strong and changing feelings. They may not fully understand the physical and mental takeover that can occur when angry. While striving for more independence, the sense of a lack of control that anger can produce can frighten them, adding to the length and intensity of their upset. It might also humiliate them if they are mad in front of respected others like teachers, siblings, friends, or relatives. Teens may feel social pains more acutely because of the increasing importance of the roles of peers in their lives. Learning how to deal with anger without suppressing it, beating it down, or expressing it by hurting others and themselves is critical. Your support and guidance matter greatly.

Research confirms that when teens learn to manage their feelings, their executive functions are simultaneously strengthened. ^1 They can better use self-control, problem-solve, and focus their attention, directly impacting their school success. However, the opposite is also true. Teens who do not learn to manage their feelings through the guidance and support of caring adults may have attention issues and difficulty solving problems.

Anger is not bad or negative. You should not avoid or shut down the experience of it. There’s a good reason for it. Everyone has experienced someone who has lost control and acted in ways that harmed themselves or others when angry. However, every feeling, including anger, serves a critical purpose. Anger provides essential information about who a person is, what emotional or physical needs are not getting met, and where their boundaries lie. Understanding this often misunderstood feeling is key to helping your teens better understand themselves and learn healthy ways to manage their intense feelings.^1

Everyone can face challenges in feeling overcome by anger. Your teen may slam the bedroom door as they refuse to tell you what is happening and why they are so upset. Anger may cover hurt, humiliation, fear, and stress. It may also mask guilt, shame, grief, or envy.

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an important role in helping your teen better understand their experience as they learn to identify their feelings and needs better.

Whether your fifteen-year-old melts down in frustration over trying to get math homework accomplished or your nineteen-year-old yells after not being allowed to attend an unsupervised party, anger, and its many accompanying feelings can become a regular challenge if you don’t help your teen create plans and strategies for coping with and making space to express anger.

Today, in the short term, learning to manage anger can create

● a sense of confidence in your teen that they can regain calm and focus

● trust in each other that you and your teen have the competence to make space for a range of feelings in healthy ways and

● added daily peace of mind

Tomorrow, in the long term, your teen

● builds skills in self-awareness

● builds skills in self-control and managing feelings, and

● build assertive communication to communicate critical needs and boundaries to keep them healthy and safe

This five-step process helps you and your teen manage anger and builds essential skills in your teen. The same process can also address...

As a parent or those in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your teen’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-teen relationship while growing a sense of confidence in your teen that they can work toward their goals and succeed in school and life.