Why Chores?

Chores allow your child to contribute to maintaining and caring for your family’s household. Daily chores allow your child to learn and practice valuable skills like timeliness, work ethic, and responsibility.

Tip: These steps are done best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication and a healthy parenting relationship support these steps.

Step 1: Get Input- Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

Consider what chores need to be done. You might start by thinking through the rooms in the house, beginning with your child’s room.

● “What must we do in your bedroom to keep it clean and ready to use?”

● “How should we deal with dirty clothes and prepare clean clothes for school?”

● “When and how do we prepare and eat family dinner together?”

● “When we are finished playing, how do we leave our play areas?”

Tip: For 5-7-year-olds, Get paper and markers and have your child write down their ideas in response to the above questions. Consult the developmentally appropriate list of chores (see full tool) for ideas. For 8-10-year-olds, Create a checklist together of your household responsibility plan on a whiteboard or chalkboard.

Trap: Be sure to create your plan at a calm time. Don’t create your plan when you are in the routine, hungry or tired, or under time pressure.

Step 2: Teach New Skills

● Say what you will model and why. Model it. “Watch how I play, waiter. You can try it after me!”

● Ask your child what they noticed: “What did you notice when I acted like a waiter?”

● Invite your child to model: “Okay, it's your turn to pretend to be the waiter.”

● Ask what they noticed with their modeling: “What did you notice when you did it?”

● Practice together: “Let’s both be waiters. I’ll set the napkins down, and you place the silverware.”

● Provide specific feedback starting with strengths using “I notice…” statements like, “I noticed you handled the silverware carefully -- terrific! When you put the napkins down, count so that each person gets one.”

Tip: Be certain and pick a time to do this when you do not have time pressures.

Tip: Remember that children learn through play. Play act like you would a game.

Trap: Requiring a child to do a household task before teaching first is bound to create problems. Your child may not feel competent enough to do the job without teaching. Take the time to teach the new job before incorporating it into their routine!

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skill and Develop Habits

● Use “Show me…” statements like, “Show me how you make your bed.”

● Proactively remind: “Remember our next step? What is it?”

Step 4: Support Your Child's Development and Success

● Ask key questions: “How are you feeling when it’s time to clean up? Do you know where everything goes?”

● Recognize effort by using “I notice” statements like, “I...

Why Examine Technology Use?

Becoming intentional about your child’s daily technology use can influence how they develop a healthy relationship with technology and its role in their life. Looking for ways to experience and learn together about how to use devices wisely contributes to your child’s development.

Step 1: Get Input- Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

Writing down notes on your child’s responses to the following questions will help you develop rules or routines for device use.

● What are your hopes and goals for your time after school and on weekends?

● Do you get to do everything you want to do in your free time – or connect with the people you want to communicate with (friends, family), or are there things you miss out on?

● What roles do you want your devices to play in your life? (i.e., learning, entertainment, connection with friends)

● Do you tend to want screen time when you experience a particular emotion (e.g., sadness, frustration, anger)?

● What other things would you like to try to calm down and feel better when you have this feeling? Can we talk about it, go outside, listen to music, or draw a picture?

Trap: Be sure you talk about technology use at a calm time when you are not stressed or upset!

Step 2: Teach New Skills

Model healthy technology habits.

● Because technology plays a significant role in our family's life, modeling how you use technology teaches our children more than our words ever could. How are you disciplined about technology? Do you have rules for putting the laptop down and storing work away at the end of the day? Do you have times when you turn off or leave behind your phone? Share those practices with your child so that they understand that it’s not only children who have to manage devices and cultivate healthy technology habits.

● Notice how you cope with challenges and uncomfortable feelings. Do you tend to use technology as an “escape”? Talk with your child about how you are feeling and what you will do to calm down rather than tune out.

Research content together before viewing.

● Our children need to learn to become their very own media analysts. Download an app or visit a media review site together. Get into a habit of reading together about new video games, television programs, movies, and applications before selecting them to view. If they are not developmentally appropriate, move on to something that is.

● Research any topic you are curious about on the internet together and review the keywords to use and the quality of the sites that come up in your search. Discuss the quality and reliability of the site.

Tip: Playing story games with your child, like cooperatively making up a story, can stir imagination, creativity, and a love of stories.

Trap: Not all media is trustworthy! Fake news, images, and videos are interspersed with real media. How do you know what to believe? And how do you guide your child? Making your child aware of the fact that there are fabricated news stories is an essential part of training them to use critical judgment when viewing media.

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skill and Develop Habits

● Use “Show me…” statements with a positive tone and body language to express excitement and curiosity. When your child learns a new ability, they are eager to show it...

Six-year-olds are working on understanding and applying rules in various situations. They are seeking independence and will naturally test limits and break rules. When they do, they require guidance on how to repair harm caused to a relationship or item. This is a normal part of their development and necessary for their learning. Research confirms that children are in the process of developing higher-order thinking skills, such as consequential thinking and linking cause to effect. This directly impacts their school success and ability to take responsibility for their actions as they grow. Children need the guidance and support of caring adults to learn these skills.

Step 1: Get Input- Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

● You can ask them about how they are feeling.

○ “I noticed your face got red. So, when you said unkind things to your sister, were you frustrated?”

○ “I saw your friend leave you to play with someone else at the playground. I wonder if you are feeling sad?”

● You can also ask them about how they think others might be feeling.

○ “Your sister cried when you said those unkind words to her. How might she be feeling?”

○ “When your friend didn’t get to take their turn, how do you think they were feeling?”

○ “When you said that to me, how do you think that made me feel?”

Trap: Avoid letting the question turn into an accusation. Remember to stay calm and that the goal of the question is to help your child uncover feelings.

Step 2: Teach New Skills

● Understanding your own feelings and behaviors when your child misbehaves is a great way to start. It will help you know what your child is learning to do.

● Model behaviors (and your children will notice and learn!).

● Teach positive behaviors. Children need to learn the positive behavior that can replace inappropriate behavior.

● Create a calm-down plan. “What helps you feel better when you're sad, mad, or hurt?”

● Practice deep breathing to calm down.

● Brainstorm coping strategies and make a list together, such as hugging a pillow, reading a favorite book, walking outside, getting a glass of water, or listening to music.

● Work on your family feelings vocabulary. Use specific feelings words to describe your state of mind and help your child describe theirs.

● Teach assertive communication through I-messages such as “I feel _________(insert feeling word) when you______ (name the words or actions that upset you) because__________.” “I feel sad when you say hurtful things to your brother because it hurts his feelings.”

Tip: Deep breathing removes the chemical that has flowed over your brain, allowing you to regain access to your creativity, language, and logic rather than staying stuck in your primal brain. Practicing deep breathing with your child can offer them a powerful tool anytime, anywhere, when they feel overwhelmed with heated emotions.

Tip: Play feelings-guessing games with the family. At a meal, share facial expressions showing a range of emotions and guess which they...