Why Listening?

Your child’s success depends upon their ability to listen and understand what you and others are communicating. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship while building essential listening skills in your child.

Tip: These steps are done best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication and healthy parenting relationships will support these steps.

Step 1: Get Input- Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

● “Do you feel listened to? When and by whom?”

● “How do you know that the person truly listens to you?”

● “Are there times when someone is not listening to you?”

● “How does that make you feel?”

Tip: During a family meal, explore the question: “What does it take to listen well?” Allow each family member to respond—model listening by allowing each person to complete their thoughts without interruption or judgment.

Step 2: Teach New Skills

● Model listening while interacting with your child. Notice your body language. Ask: “What is my body communicating, and how am I demonstrating that I’m listening?”

● Listen for thought and feeling. In addition to listening to what your child says, see if you can identify the unspoken thought and feeling behind the content, in other words, the context.

● Build a sacred time into your routine when you are fully present to listen to what your child has to tell you.

● Learn listening strategies together by trying them out.

○ Demonstrate poor listening and good listening. Act it out, then reflect and ask: “What did you notice about her body language?”

○ Actively listen. One person listens to fully understand what the speaker is saying and waits until the speaker is finished talking before responding.

○ Paraphrase. Echo back to the speaker a summary of what they’ve said to check how accurate your listening is and also to confirm that you have heard them (“I heard you say that…”).

○ Seek clarification. If you are listening to learn something from the speaker, it is important to seek clarification on details to make certain you understand: “What did you mean when you said you weren’t happy this morning? What happened?”

○ Practice questioning and commenting with empathy. Instead of responding to a speaker with your own experiences, focus solely on the content of what has been communicated. Your child: “Today, Mrs. Smith started a new project. We are going to be building fairy tree houses. I can’t wait.” You: “Sounds like you are excited about this project. What else besides sticks do we need to collect?”

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skill and Develop Habits

● Use “Show me…” statements like “Show me how you can listen at dinner without interrupting.”

● Recognize effort: “I noticed how you listened fully to your sister when she was upset. That’s so helpful to her.”

● Play listening games.

● Read...

Why Examine Technology Use?

Becoming intentional about your child’s daily technology use can influence how they develop a healthy relationship with technology and its role in their life. Looking for ways to experience and learn together about how to use devices wisely contributes to your child’s development.

Step 1: Get Input- Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

Writing down notes on your child’s responses to the following questions will help you develop rules or routines for device use.

● What are your hopes and goals for your time after school and on weekends?

● Do you get to do everything you want to do in your free time – or connect with the people you want to communicate with (friends, family), or are there things you miss out on?

● What roles do you want your devices to play in your life? (i.e., learning, entertainment, connection with friends)

● Do you tend to want screen time when you experience a particular emotion (e.g., sadness, frustration, anger)?

● What other things would you like to try to calm down and feel better when you have this feeling? Can we talk about it, go outside, listen to music, or draw a picture?

Trap: Be sure you talk about technology use at a calm time when you are not stressed or upset!

Step 2: Teach New Skills

Model healthy technology habits.

● Because technology plays a significant role in our family's life, modeling how you use technology teaches our children more than our words ever could. How are you disciplined about technology? Do you have rules for putting the laptop down and storing work away at the end of the day? Do you have times when you turn off or leave behind your phone? Share those practices with your child so that they understand that it’s not only children who have to manage devices and cultivate healthy technology habits.

● Notice how you cope with challenges and uncomfortable feelings. Do you tend to use technology as an “escape”? Talk with your child about how you are feeling and what you will do to calm down rather than tune out.

Research content together before viewing.

● Our children need to learn to become their very own media analysts. Download an app or visit a media review site together. Get into a habit of reading together about new video games, television programs, movies, and applications before selecting them to view. If they are not developmentally appropriate, move on to something that is.

● Research any topic you are curious about on the internet together and review the keywords to use and the quality of the sites that come up in your search. Discuss the quality and reliability of the site.

Tip: Playing story games with your child, like cooperatively making up a story, can stir imagination, creativity, and a love of stories.

Trap: Not all media is trustworthy! Fake news, images, and videos are interspersed with real media. How do you know what to believe? And how do you guide your child? Making your child aware of the fact that there are fabricated news stories is an essential part of training them to use critical judgment when viewing media.

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skill and Develop Habits

● Use “Show me…” statements with a positive tone and body language to express excitement and curiosity. When your child learns a new ability, they are eager to show

Why Transform Disrespect?

Seven-year-olds seek independence and will naturally test limits and break rules. When they feel powerless and angry, they can lash out in ways that show disrespect for others. Though this is a normal part of their development and necessary for their learning, it can anger or worry a caring parent or someone in a parenting role. You can transform these moments into vital opportunities to teach children healthy and respectful alternatives.

Step 1: Get Input- Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

● Ask yourself, “Does my child have an unmet need?” Perhaps they are hungry or tired, need attention, or need downtime.

● Check on how you are feeling. If you are angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed, you may need to take a few minutes to collect yourself before engaging your child.

● Ask your child how they are feeling. “I notice your face is red. Are you feeling frustrated?” Or “I saw your friend leave to go play with someone else. I wonder if you are feeling sad?”

● Use your best listening skills.

Trap: Be sure you talk about disrespect at a calm time when you are not stressed or upset!

Step 2: Teach New Skills

● Learn together! Transforming disrespect requires dealing with challenging feelings in healthy ways and learning constructive ways to use and share power.

● Model respectful words and actions, and your children will notice and learn!

● Work on your family feelings vocabulary.

● Create a calm-down plan.

● Practice deep breathing to calm down.

● Teach assertive communication through I-messages such as “I feel _________(insert feeling word) when you______ (name the words or actions that upset you) because__________.”

● Teach your child positive ways to seek control or power.

● Teach your child to repair harm.

● End the day with love. Often, when a child acts disrespectfully they feel bad about themselves; spend one-on-one time with your child to remind them they are loved no matter their choices.

Tip: Create a signal you can use when you, your child, or both are overwhelmed by challenging feelings. You might say, “I need a minute!” or “Code red!” Practice using it so that it becomes a habit to pause when angry or upset before responding.

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skill and Develop Habits

● Accept feelings (even ones you don’t like!): “I hear you’re upset. What can you do to help yourself feel better?”

● Use “Show me…” statements like “Show me how you can make a good choice when you talk to your sister.”

● Offer limited and authentic choices. “Do you want to do homework at the kitchen counter or the dining room table?”

● Share power through turn-taking or cooperative decision making as a family.

● Practice deep breathing. This is a simple practice your child can use to assist themselves anytime, anywhere.

● Follow through on repairing harm.

● Proactively remind: “Remember what helps you feel...