I’ve been thinking about all that we are in this modern world. Then I thought to write a poem about the poisonous pot of social media, narcissism, and not being present in nature while recording myself not being present in nature for social media.

Because we are a species of contradictions.

A tangle of desires and denials

We say one thing, do another.

Preach humility, crave recognition

We ache for authenticity,

then filter ourselves into brands.

We sell self-love in neatly packaged courses

taught by those who only love their reflection.

Like the shoeless, bright-teethed white guy

with tribal tattoos, who’s all like

“I’ll help you unlock your authentic self

with this with a twelve-step module for $499”

I can mock.

But when I think of him as a boy with a dad

who yelled, “You’re a worthless s**t”

I cannot.

Narcissism—capitalism’s bottomless resource,

supplied by loneliness, demanded by egos.

They say, “Be yourself.”

But which self?

The one shaped by love? Culture? Trauma? Fear?

We are not singular,

we are multitudes, opposing forces

warring beneath our skin.

We pretend at certainty, purity

We demand an answer where none exists.

Like the woman who says, “We’ll explore the answer

with your birth chart,”

I can mock.

But when I think of the woman grasping

at her last bit of hope

I cannot.

To be human is to hold paradox

To know that the good and the bad

are woven together

That the demons can possess

But only if you can’t confess they’re there.

But what is the point in me saying all this?

We chase meaning in a world that owes us none.

We break ourselves against illusions,

then blame the glass.

We romanticize the escape.

An “of-the-grid-sustainable life”

that could never sustain all humans.

Civilization, for all its sins, is where

diversity plays.

But again, what’s the point in me saying all this

as I walk through what I should be part of.

Somewhere in that silence is all that we are.

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