My catastrophic thinking worsens when I don’t feel good. Last night when I got in bed I started obsessing about the drone sightings over New Jersey, then it rippled out into morbid stories I was telling myself which included my family members. After several minutes of self-induced panic, I recognized the downward spiral of my ‘thinker’ and made an immediate and conscious decision to stop and turn off my thinker.

Having experienced many sober 24 hours, I’ve learned that I have a toolbox full of strategies to handle my ‘catastrophic thinking’ when it arises.

How do I do this? We already established that I am crazy, so there’s no risk in sharing my thought process with you.

Toward the end of my drinking career, I remember heading to work but deciding I couldn’t face it—I needed a drink. I stopped at a gas station, bought a bottle of wine at 7:30 am, and parked in a nearby neighborhood. One swig brought an audible sigh of relief as my brain flooded with dopamine. It wasn’t the effect of alcohol, because I’d only taken one gulp. Instead, it was the gratification of my obsession that muted my mind.

Months later, once I was sober, I recalled that moment—the feeling of hitting the mute switch. Today, I’ve learned to recreate that relief, on command without alcohol. I take a deep breath, and with the exhale, I let go. I imagine my mind quieting, going mute, the chaos dissolving into space, and I feel that same sense of release—no alcohol required.

After eight years of practice, I’m getting better at it. Most people call it meditation, and for me, it’s a choice to shut down the crazy. I can make that decision at any time without relying on anything but myself.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Visit me at ⁠⁠⁠recoverydailypodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ or email me at ⁠rachel@recoverydailypodcast.com⁠.

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