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Delight Your Marriage

Delight Your Marriage

Auteur(s): Belah Rose | Christ-centered Author Coach & Marriage Intimacy Expert
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À propos de cet audio

 Husbands and wives were designed to be different. You want different things in marriage and intimacy on every level (emotional, spiritual, and physical). Whether you're a wife or a husband, whether you're suffering or pretty good... and you're looking for Bible-based insights and scriptural practical guidance on how to transform your marriage, you've found the right podcast! We have "transformation stories" that will inspire hope that putting into practice these principles, by God's grace, can truly change your intimacy completely. If you're looking to see how to transform your marriage sign up for a free Clarity Call, we can hear your story and work with you to determine if we are confident we can help you: https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc(c) Delight Your Marriage Christianisme Hygiène et mode de vie sain Pastorale et évangélisme Spiritualité
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  • 512-What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead

    512-What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead
    Dec 5 2025
    What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead Have you ever wished you could just…get inside your wife's heart for a moment? Not to manipulate, but to genuinely understand her. To love her in a way that makes her feel safe and wanted—not pressured or confused. My husband Darrow and I sat down to talk through something men rarely get honest insight about: Her biggest turn-offs. And not because we want to shame or scold—but because clarity brings freedom. When you finally understand what shuts her down, you also discover what opens her heart. So take a deep breath.You're not in trouble.You're learning—and that already makes you a good man. Let's walk through these turn-offs together, with God's kindness leading us all the way. 1. When Affection Feels Like a Transaction One of the most common complaints I hear from wives is this: "Every time he does something sweet, it feels like he's trying to get sex." A back rub, a coffee, a hand on her waist, a date night—beautiful gestures—become tainted when she senses they come with an expectation. When affection is only a bridge to the bedroom, she feels: UsedNot loved for who she isLike her worth is tied to her sexual availability God never intended marital intimacy to be a negotiation.Love her without a scoreboard. Bless her without an agenda. 2. Grabbing, Pinching, or Smacking Her Body When She's Not Comfortable Yes…wives talk about this. And I know many husbands mean it playfully.But if she doesn't feel safe—emotionally, spiritually, or physically—this kind of touch feels like entitlement, not affection. Her body is not something to be "snatched."She needs room to open, not pressure to surrender. When she feels cherished—not grabbed—she wants to share her body freely. 3. Taking "Not Now" Personally If she says she's tired, overwhelmed, stressed, or simply "not right now," it's almost never about you. But when a husband interprets it as: RejectionLack of desire"She doesn't love me" …it puts enormous emotional weight on her shoulders. Instead, respond with: "No worries, sweetheart. Another time would be wonderful." That confidence and peace will draw her toward you—not away. 4. Moping After She Says No Emotional sulking is not harmless. Moping communicates: "You disappointed me.""Now I have to punish you with sadness.""You're responsible for my emotions." This shuts her heart down.Fast. Your steadiness and joy—even when she's not available—makes her feel safe. And safety is the soil where desire grows. 5. Punishing Her for Not Wanting Sex This is one of the deepest wounds wives carry. Punishments include: Silent treatmentWithholding affectionMoving to another roomBeing cold or distantOnly being "nice" when you want intimacy These behaviors feel manipulative and honestly frightening. Your wife is not the enemy. She is the assignment God entrusted to you. Lead with love, not consequences. 6. Lack of Playfulness Playfulness is essential to intimacy. If everything feels heavy, serious, structured, pressured…then her nervous system never relaxes enough to enjoy being sensual. Silliness is holy ground for a woman's heart. Laughter lowers her guard.Playfulness creates connection. If you want her to be playful in the bedroom, she needs to experience playfulness outside the bedroom. 7. Not Feeling Emotionally Safe Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy. I'll say that one more time. Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy. When she feels emotionally unsafe, her body shuts down. Emotional Safety looks like: ListeningCompassionBeing slow to speak and quick to understandResponding gentlySupporting her heart, not "fixing" immediately When she feels heard, she opens. 8. Being a "Negative Nellie" (or Negative Ned!) Constant complaining is exhausting and not attractive. It pulls the atmosphere of the home downward and makes her feel like she has to carry your emotional weight. There is space to process hard things—but constant negativity drains the joy God wants in your marriage. Rejoice. Notice blessings. Bring hope into the home. 9. Bitterness and Resentment Long-term resentment is a marriage-killer. Bitterness communicates: "I haven't forgiven you.""You owe me.""I'm still keeping score." This is the opposite of Christlike love. Your wife cannot relax into intimacy with a man who holds her mistakes over her head. Forgiveness clears the ground for closeness to grow again. And if you need a little extra inspiration, let us turn you to Matthew 6:15 (NIV): "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." 10. Being Too Serious All the Time Intensity has a place—but not every moment. When a man is always stern, rigid, perfectionistic, spiritual-but-heavy…it makes her feel like she can never fully exhale. If she can't be herself around you, she won't be vulnerable with you. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit—not an optional extra. 11. Using ...
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    48 min
  • 511-Forty-Five Years Married and Afraid of Retirement: Patty's Story

    511-Forty-Five Years Married and Afraid of Retirement: Patty's Story
    Nov 28 2025
    Forty-Five Years Married and Afraid of Retirement: Patty's Story Patty had a life most people would admire. Forty-five years of marriage. Four children. Seven grandkids. Retirement. A kind, steady husband. From the outside, it looked like she had it all. But inside? Patty was scared. Not because she didn't love her husband. They laughed together, they got along. But underneath the "good," there was a quiet ache. A deep disconnection she didn't know how to fix. And as retirement began and the rest of life slowed down, and the thought of spending more time with her husband began to feel like a weight in her chest, she realized... she couldn't keep going like this. Love Your Husband, Even When You Don't Like Him Every few months, things would blow up. Patty and Greg would hit a wall and neither one really understood why. To make it worse, Patty carried deep embarrassment that she hadn't "figured out" marriage after four and a half decades. She'd tried to talk to friends. They were in same boat as her. She'd tried Christian counseling and received such troubling advice that Patty believes it would've led to separation—maybe even divorce—if she had followed it. Nothing was working. And it brought even more discouragement and hardness around her heart. So when Greg sent her a few Delight Your Marriage podcast episodes, suffice it to say, she felt "prickly" about it (her words!) They rubbed her the wrong way and she wasn't ready to hear it. But God was pursuing her heart. A Compassionate Clarity Call Felt Like a Breath of Fresh Air Three months later, in one of those hard "every-few-months" moments, Patty found herself on the Delight Your Marriage website. She clicked on the button for a Clarity Call—not quite knowing why. What she found on the call wasn't pressure or judgment. It was peace and grace. Someone gently saying, You're not alone. No guilt. No shame. Just a safe space to say: "I love my husband… but I don't always like him. And I don't want to keep living this way." Letting God Change Your Heart Patty shared with us that she had spent years thinking, "If he would just change, if he would be more tender… then things would change." But in the program, a shift started happening. Through practical tools, biblical truth, and the ability to ask anonymous questions, God helped Patty see that healing didn't start with changing Greg. It started with a softening in her own heart. And as she changed? Greg did, too. He noticed her gentleness. He felt her respect. And without her asking, he responded differently. Patty happily shared with us, "I'm pleasantly surprised. I can feel the way I did when we were first married." (What a celebration!) Letting Him Take the Lead Not long ago, Patty and Greg needed to have a hard conversation with their daughter and son-in-law. The old Patty would have jumped in. She would've taken over and shut down her husband to avoid conflict with the kids. But this time, she stepped back. She prayed, she supported him, and she let him lead. And the result? Peace and connection. For everyone involved. A moment of unity they never could've created in their old patterns. "I see how God is using even this to change our family legacy," she shared through tears. Love in Retirement At first, Patty wasn't sure if she belonged in the program. 1) She was older than many of the other wives in her group. 2) She'd never been in a sexless marriage—but she hadn't fully enjoyed intimacy in a long time either. But as the program went on, she found something unexpected: Healing, joy, and even desire. She found herself no longer choosing girls' shopping trips over time with Greg. She wants to be with him instead. (Yes, really!) Now, she looks forward to intimacy. And most importantly? She's renewed her intimacy with God. Because now she sees it clearly: the closeness God wants in marriage is a picture of the closeness God wants with her. Final Thoughts: It's Never Too Late for a Change of Heart Patty says she was afraid to go into retirement with things as they were. But now? She and Greg are about to take a long-awaited trip to Hawaii. And it's not just a vacation—it's a celebration. A celebration of tenderness restored. A celebration of intimacy rediscovered. A celebration of God's faithfulness to give beauty for ashes—even after 45 years. So if you feel like it's too late, rest assured, it is never too late. No matter how long it's been— God can still give you a new heart. And He delights to do it. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It's time to take the leap. PPS - Already familiar with our coaching programs and wish you could bring them to your church? You can! We are launching our In-Person Training program in churches around the ...
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    52 min
  • 510-Is it Possible to Have Joy in Lovemaking?

    510-Is it Possible to Have Joy in Lovemaking?
    Nov 21 2025
    Is it Possible to Have Joy in Lovemaking? Physical intimacy can be one of the most painful topics in a woman's life. Maybe you've felt shame for years. Maybe your husband brings it up constantly, and all you want to do is shrink away. Or maybe, deep down, you wonder if something is just wrong with you. If that's where you are, I want you to know—I've been there. I've felt the fear. I've felt the pressure. I've carried the shame. And I want to walk with you through what I've learned on the other side: There is healing. There is hope. And yes, there is joy. The Pain Is Real—But So Is God's Compassion You may have asked yourself: Why did God make me this way? Why don't I want they way my husband does? Why does sex feel more like pressure than connection? God doesn't ignore your questions. He weeps with you. Just like Jesus wept for Mary and Martha, knowing full well He was about to raise Lazarus—He still entered into their grief. He enters yours too. And even if this has felt like a battleground, it doesn't have to stay that way. Healing Begins with Safety—Not Pressure Before you even think about "fixing" your physical intimacy, your heart needs a safe place to land. And for many women, that starts with unlearning the belief that you have to earn love—God's or anyone else's. You don't. God's love isn't tied to your performance, your body, your ability to "show up" intimately, or how productive you are in your day. He loves you because He made you. That's it. That's all. Your worth was settled at the cross—not in your bedroom, your to-do list, or your motherhood. When you live from that place of being already loved, you finally have space to breathe and truly begin to heal. Slowing Down Is a Spiritual Discipline One of the most overlooked steps in reclaiming intimacy is rest. Real, soul-deep rest. When your calendar is overstuffed, your stress is high, and your self-worth is tangled in busyness—you don't have the capacity for joy. You don't have the margin for laughter or connection. That's why Sabbath isn't optional. It's sacred. God designed you to stop. To remember that you are not the one holding the world together. He is. So yes—cancel some things. Say no. Choose to be "Mary," sitting at Jesus' feet, choosing the better thing. Intimacy Flourishes Where Joy Lives When life slows down and you begin to enjoy God, enjoy your family, and even laugh at yourself—you begin to unlock joy in intimacy, too. Yes, that's right! Because fun, play, and freedom matter. Physical intimacy was never meant to be a chore, a duty, or a place of dread. It's meant to be a gift. Something sacred and fun. And when your heart is in a place of peace, you stop obsessing about perfection and instead, you show up with your whole self—free to connect, to try, to be present, to even laugh when something awkward happens. That's when intimacy becomes what it was meant to be: a beautiful, joy-filled expression of love. Small Steps Towards Healing Friend, if you're carrying shame, exhaustion, or resentment around sex—it's okay to start small. You don't have to force yourself into healing overnight. Start with this: Make space to be with God, not just do things for Him. Release the belief that you have to earn His love. Say no to busy so you can say yes to rest. Look for moments of laughter and joy—and embrace them. Show up to intimacy with the goal of connection, not perfection. Your healing doesn't begin in your bedroom. It begins in your soul. And as God gently rewrites your story, intimacy will follow. Final Thoughts: You Are Loved. You Are Enough. God doesn't want you stuck in shame. He doesn't want your marriage defined by dread or even silence. He wants you whole. He wants you free. He wants you to enjoy Him—and yes, enjoy your marriage. You don't have to strive anymore. You are loved because He says you are. You are enough because He made you. And intimacy, like joy, can grow again. One day, you'll look back and say, "I never thought it could be like this… but God healed me." I believe that day is coming. You are in our prayers, dear reader and dear listener. God bless you! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Ready to take the next step and get more personalized coaching? We would love to speak with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our compassionate Clarity Advisors, who have been where you've been, and want to help you get in the right place for healing. Schedule a free Clarity Call here. PPS - Are you already familiar with our work and would love to see it at your local church? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt for more information on the In-Person Trainings coming in 2026. PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "When I came into the DYM program, I was spent emotionally, and it was difficult to carry on with my daily tasks. Even as a devoted Christian, my pain was overshadowing the joy that I have in the Lord because I was so focused on the problems....
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    57 min
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