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  • 492-Forgiveness is Key to Better Relationships: Interview with Brian & Heather Mayer

    492-Forgiveness is Key to Better Relationships: Interview with Brian & Heather Mayer
    Jul 18 2025
    Forgiveness is Key to Better Relationships: Interview With Brian & Heather Mayer Forgiveness can feel like the most unfair, unnatural thing in the world. When someone has wounded you—especially someone who was supposed to love you—choosing to forgive may feel like letting them off the hook. But Brian and Heather Mayer’s story reminds us: forgiveness isn’t about the other person’s worthiness—it’s about God’s mercy. And it's the path to freedom, not just for them… but for you. Why Christian Marriages Struggle With Forgiveness Heather didn’t realize how deeply unforgiveness had taken root. Even after their marriage began to turn a corner, her heart stayed guarded. She found herself stuck emotionally. The walls she had put up to protect herself were still up. And though they gave the illusion of strength, what they actually offered was isolation. She said, “I didn’t feel like forgiving. I didn’t want to say the words. But I knew the Bible said I had to. So I chose to obey—even without the feelings.” This is what many Christian spouses experience. You know the right thing to do, but your emotions don’t follow. And it’s tempting to wait until you “feel ready.” But true biblical forgiveness isn’t based on emotion—it’s a decision of the will rooted in trust that God can heal what you cannot. How Unforgiveness Destroys Connection in Marriage Brian admitted he had been prideful and blind to Heather’s needs. But what changed him wasn’t just guilt—it was God’s grace. He realized that he needed to ask for forgiveness, not just from Heather, but from their children, too. “I had to go back and apologize, not just for being short or irritable—but for the way my behavior affected my family.” He humbled himself, opened his heart, and began walking out a different kind of love—one marked by patience, listening, and repentance. That humility created space for healing. Unforgiveness doesn’t just affect the person who hurt you—it poisons your heart, your communication, your marriage bed, and even your parenting. Because where pride builds walls of resentment to isolate, humility builds bridges and invites healing. What the Bible Says About Forgiveness in Marriage God never promised forgiveness would be easy—but He did say it’s essential. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Jesus modeled radical forgiveness on the cross. And He calls His followers to extend that same grace in our closest relationships—even in marriage. Brian and Heather didn’t wait until things “felt better.” They took action. They forgave before the emotions lined up. And that obedience opened the door for healing. Choosing to Forgive Even When You’ve Been Deeply Hurt Forgiveness does not mean: Forgetting what happened Pretending it didn’t hurt Ignoring necessary boundaries But it does mean surrendering the right to punish. It means releasing bitterness so you can receive peace. It means trusting God with your pain instead of letting it define your future. Healing Starts With Forgiveness Bitterness promises protection—but delivers bondage. Forgiveness opens the floodgates of grace—not just for your spouse, but for you. For your kids. For your home. For your legacy. You don’t have to live angry. You don’t have to stay stuck. There is freedom on the other side of obedience. There is peace that replaces pain. There is joy waiting where there used to be fear. And best of all? You don't walk this alone. The God who forgave you will empower you to forgive—again and again. Final Encouragement: Forgiveness Is the Gateway to Freedom Brian and Heather’s story is living proof that no marriage is too far gone. That even the most painful seasons can become a testimony of God’s redemption. Maybe your spouse has wounded you deeply. Or maybe you’re the one who’s caused the pain. Either way, Jesus stands ready to walk you both into something new. Today, start with one brave act of obedience: “I choose to forgive.” Even if your hands tremble. Even if your heart still aches. God will meet you there. And the freedom you long for is closer than you think. Love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Check out Brian & Heather's amazing Forgiveness Course at www.lovehowdeep.com/forgiveness [Use code DYM59 to receive the Course at the special price of $59, regularly priced at $297!] PPS - If you're ready to bring even more healing and freedom into your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our Men or Women's Program is right for you. Prices are going up after July 18th, so make the call soon! PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I struggled with unforgiveness and bitterness, lack of joy in motherhood, emotional lability, and frequent mental trips to the past… [Now,] I am able to self-regulate my emotions better. I have gained the ability to ...
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    1 h et 5 min
  • Announcing Extension! Save $500 Until THIS Friday 7/18/25

    Announcing Extension! Save $500 Until THIS Friday 7/18/25
    Jul 15 2025

    Exciting news!

    We're extending a $500 savings on our coaching programs until this Friday.

    Due to the wonderful services and support our coaching clients receive and the fact that we have maintained our coaching programs for 4 years though our services, technology, and results have improved, we are having to increase our coaching prices.

    But before we do, we'd like to give you a chance to get in at the lowest opportunity it'll ever!

    This is your chance to transform your marriage with our proven system before prices increase.

    Sign up for a clarity call at delightym.com/cc and be part of the next transformation story.

    Don't miss out on this opportunity to invest in your relationship and witness the miracles happening every day. Act now and take the first step towards a thriving marriage!

    Until THIS Friday 7/14/25 sign up at: delightym.com/cc
    (Or if you know someone who needs this, send it to them!)
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    1 min
  • 491-A Fine Marriage, Now an Extraordinary Marriage: Bart's Story

    491-A Fine Marriage, Now an Extraordinary Marriage: Bart's Story
    Jul 10 2025
    A Fine Marriage, Now an Extraordinary Marriage: Bart's Story

    Bart is a Christian leader. He’s the head of a childcare agency working with traumatized children and teens. He’s been married for nearly 20 years and has four beautiful kids.

    And by his own admission?

    He was tired. Burned out. Irritable.
    Or, in his words—“crusty.”

    He wasn’t in crisis. His marriage wasn’t “on the rocks.”
    But it wasn’t thriving either.

    And Bart knew something had to change.

    Christian Leaders Get Tired, Too—But That Doesn’t Mean You Stay There

    One Saturday morning, Bart’s wife tried to be playful with him—and he snapped.

    He didn’t mean to. He was just worn out, juggling too many roles, feeling the pressure of leadership, family, and ministry. But his wife’s gentle confrontation was a turning point.

    She didn’t yell. She didn’t threaten.
    She just called it what it was.

    And Bart—rather than shutting down—responded with humility and self-reflection.
    Not because he had to…
    But because he wanted to grow.

    Why “Good Enough” Marriage Isn’t the Goal—Even for Ministry Leaders

    Bart described his marriage as “a 9 on a bad day.”
    No major fights. No betrayals. No one was threatening to leave.

    But deep down, he knew something wasn’t right.
    The joy was fading.
    The connection was inconsistent.
    And his presence at home was… thin.

    Too many leaders settle for “fine” because there isn’t obvious brokenness. But lack of crisis doesn’t mean abundance of health.

    How One Christian Husband Reconnected With His Wife (and Kids)

    Bart didn’t just learn new tools—he let God change his posture.

    He took a long, hard look at his own heart.
    He asked his wife, with full honesty, "Have I made intimacy feel transactional to you?"

    She said no. But Bart still made changes.
    He apologized for things from 20 years ago.
    He went to his kids, one by one, and asked for forgiveness for being emotionally absent.

    And the impact?
    Laughter returned.
    Confidence rose.
    Connection was rebuilt—at home, where it matters most.

    When You Lead at Work But Struggle at Home

    Bart’s job requires emotional intelligence, patience, and deep listening.
    He gives that to kids, to employees, to families in crisis.

    But when he got home?

    He was depleted.
    He admits, “I was giving my best to strangers—not to the people who mattered most.”

    The CIRQUE listening framework helped him shift.
    Not just in knowledge—but in behavior.
    He started seeing his wife again. Not as someone who was “doing fine,” but as someone he was called to serve and cherish.

    Intention Without Action Won’t Heal a Struggling Marriage

    One of the most striking moments in Bart’s story?
    The first time he walked around the car to open the door for his wife in years.

    She paused.
    Surprised.

    It had been that long.

    But it wasn’t about the door.
    It was about intentionality.
    About pursuit.
    About loving her like the daughter of the King she is.

    Christian Leaders: Your Marriage Doesn’t Have to Be Broken to Be Better

    Friend, maybe your marriage isn’t “bad.”
    Maybe no one knows how empty or tired you feel.
    Maybe your congregation thinks everything’s fine.

    But you know.

    You know you’re not showing up the way you want to.
    You know she deserves more.
    You know God is calling you deeper.

    Don’t wait for a crisis to choose transformation.
    Don’t wait for regret to become your motivation.

    Start now.
    Invest now.
    Lead your home like Jesus—by going first.

    With love,

    The Delight Your Marriage Team

    PS - Are you ready to take the leap? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors at delightym.com/cc

    PPS - Our prices are going up after July 15th! Schedule a free Clarity Call before then to save $500+ on your Coaching program.

    PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
    Being in ministry together and having raised 5 children under the pressure-cooker stress of the mission field, much of our life and conversation related only to family, ministry or solving "issues”…[Now,] there have been so many [celebrations] it's hard to list the biggest! I celebrate the peace in my heart that has allowed me to be non-reactive and non-explosive in some very difficult and high-tension situations…I celebrate the new playful way that we are connecting in the bedroom…I celebrate that my wife is now telling my children that "Dad is different!"
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    29 min
  • 490-Putting God First Will Change Your Marriage

    490-Putting God First Will Change Your Marriage
    Jul 4 2025
    Putting God First Will Change Your Marriage If you're anything like me, you’ve found yourself caught in the swirl of responsibilities, relationships, expectations... and distractions. It’s so easy to let the noise of life drown out the voice of God. Even in marriage—especially in marriage—it’s easy to start placing our hope in the wrong thing. And when we do that, even the good things, like marriage, can become shaky ground. But what if the real anchor isn’t your spouse, or your role, or your routine—but your relationship with God? Why Putting God First Can Transform Your Marriage We live in a world of constant input. Notifications, streaming, social media, endless to-dos. And if we’re not intentional, those distractions steal our attention—and with it, our peace, our purpose, and our priorities. I've found that when I step away from it all—when I intentionally remove the distractions—I can finally hear God clearly again. Whether it's walking in nature without my phone or sitting in a quiet space with my journal, those moments of silence are sacred. They realign me. Because when God is clear, everything else becomes clear, too. “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” —Matthew 6:33 How Husbands Can Become Spiritual Leaders in the Home Husbands, you are called to lead your home—not because you have all the answers, but because God entrusted you with that role. Leadership doesn’t mean control. It means surrender. It means taking responsibility, laying down pride, and anchoring your identity in Christ—not in your wife’s response. If your stability is based on her reactions, your leadership will always be shaky. But when your eyes are on Jesus, you can lead with strength, consistency, and peace—even if the journey is slow. “The wise man built his house on the rock… and it did not fall.” —Matthew 7:24-25 (paraphrased) What Biblical Respect Looks Like for Christian Wives Wives, I get it. Maybe you feel like you’ve had to take the reins because your husband hasn’t. Maybe you feel stronger spiritually. Maybe you’re just more organized. But leadership is about role—not ability. And when we as wives step out of our God-given role, we accidentally make it harder for our husbands to rise into theirs. Respect doesn’t mean silence or enabling. It means honoring the role God has given him, even when it’s hard. And when you do? It makes your husband feel safe, trusted, and invited to lead. Should I Still Respect My Husband If I Don’t Trust Him? If your husband has let you down—or worse, betrayed your trust—you might wonder: “How do I respect a man who hasn’t earned it?” That’s real. But our motivation as believers isn’t based on someone else’s worthiness. It’s based on God’s worthiness. You can walk in wisdom, set boundaries, and still respect the role. Because when you show honor, you’re honoring God first. (Need more on this? Search our site for our podcast: “Respect an Untrustworthy Man”) Why Most Marriages Struggle Without Spiritual Rhythms If you’ve been running on empty, it may be time to return to spiritual rhythms. Daily time with God. Weekly check-ins with your heart. Monthly reflection. These aren’t just good habits—they’re lifelines. They give you clarity, patience, and power to live out your role with joy. Even if your personality makes this hard (mine does too!), it’s worth fighting for. Your family’s health depends on your spiritual nourishment. What “Helper” Really Means (And It’s Not What You Think) In Genesis 2, God calls Eve a “helper”—and the original Hebrew word ezer is used most often to describe God Himself as our rescuer, protector, and strength. Wives, this means your role is powerful, not passive. You have the God-given ability to uplift, empower, and even save your husband in ways no one else can. Not through control, but through encouragement, respect, and faith-filled love. When Leadership in Marriage Gets Out of Order The fall of man in Genesis didn’t start with an affair or abuse. It started with misplaced leadership. Adam was present. He knew the truth. But instead of leading, he followed. Instead of obeying God, he obeyed his wife. Men, this is your reminder: you are responsible. And women, if you want your husband to lead, you have to let go of the wheel. Restoring biblical order doesn’t mean a power struggle—it means peace, protection, and purpose. What to Do When You Feel Hopeless in Your Marriage You might be reading this with tears in your eyes. Maybe your marriage is hanging by a thread. Maybe you've tried everything, and nothing has worked. Maybe you’re ready to give up. Don’t. God sees you. He hasn’t forgotten you. And no matter how far things have gone, there is still hope. Even if your spouse doesn’t change right away. Even if it’s just you taking the first step. Seek God first. Love your ...
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    49 min
  • 489-Harshness to Beautiful Kindness: Marriage Encouragement with Rhonda Stoppe

    489-Harshness to Beautiful Kindness: Marriage Encouragement with Rhonda Stoppe
    Jun 27 2025
    Marriage is one of the greatest blessings — and one of the greatest refining processes — we can experience. But if we're honest, many of us carry regrets when it comes to how we've treated our spouse, how we've handled conflict, or the words we've spoken in frustration. We don't always recognize how often harshness sneaks into our marriage, chipping away at intimacy, connection, and joy. But here's the good news: God's love can heal, restore, and transform even the most regret-filled moments in your relationship. In a recent conversation with author and speaker Rhonda Stoppe, we unpacked the profound truth of living with "no regrets" in marriage — and the practical steps to get there. You Can Break Free From the Regrets Holding You Back Let’s be honest — we’ve all made mistakes in marriage, in parenting, in life. Those regrets? They can paralyze us. Rhonda reminded us that regret is often a weapon the enemy uses to keep us from becoming the women God designed us to be. But here’s the truth — God’s love washes those regrets away. Philippians tells us to “forget what lies behind and strain toward what lies ahead.” Even Paul had to lay his past down — his role in Stephen's death, his persecution of believers — yet God still used him powerfully. The same is true for you. Whether your regrets stem from the way you've treated your spouse, parenting mistakes, or deep wounds from your own upbringing, you are not disqualified from God's call on your life. The Destructive Power of Harshness in Marriage Rhonda unpacked something so practical yet so convicting: how often our inner thoughts turn harsh long before words ever leave our mouth. Ever had the entire argument with your husband in your head before he even walked through the door? I’ve been there! You play out the "you always" or "you never" narrative and boom — your harsh words fly the second he steps inside. But as Rhonda beautifully reminded us, love "believes all things" (1 Corinthians 13). That means believing the best about our spouse — assuming good intentions — not assigning negative motives. Harshness can destroy intimacy faster than almost anything else. It pushes our husband away emotionally. It makes our home a place he — and even our children — dread coming back to. The Courage to Repent: Humility Over Pride This hit me hard. Rhonda shared how pride keeps so many people from growth. It’s painful to look back and realize we’ve done things wrong for so long. But friend, God already knows it all — and still loves you. When we confess, repent, and humble ourselves before Him, He transforms us from the inside out. David's story is such an example. After his sin with Bathsheba, he didn’t make excuses. He repented with a broken, contrite heart — and God restored him. If harshness, selfishness, or regret has gripped your heart, your story isn’t over. God offers freedom, but it starts with humility. Are You a Harsh Spouse? How to Recognize & Change Harshness is sneaky. Many of us don't even recognize when it's become part of our communication. Rhonda described it as trying to control or hurt with your words to get your way — whether out of fear, frustration, or habit. Here are some signs of harshness in marriage: You regularly raise your voice or speak with a biting tone. Your family feels like they have to walk on eggshells around you. You replay your spouse's flaws in your mind more than their strengths. You assume negative motives for your spouse's actions. If that’s you — take heart! You can change. It starts with repentance, inviting God's Spirit to wash over you, and intentionally building new habits. Building a No-Regrets Marriage: Practical Next Steps Rhonda didn’t just leave us with conviction — she gave such hopeful steps forward: Get in the Word Daily God's Word renews your mind. Listen to scripture, write it out, feast on His promises like daily bread. Find Godly Community You need women around you who love Jesus and will speak truth in love — especially older, wise women. (#OldLadiesKnowStuff — I love that!) Choose to Believe the Best Make it a practice to assume good about your spouse. Remember how you did that when you were dating? Let’s bring that mindset back! Apologize & Repair If your harshness has caused damage — humbly ask for forgiveness. Your vulnerability can open doors for healing, even if it takes time. Cling to God's Love First Your happiness isn’t dependent on your husband's actions — it's rooted in how deeply you believe God's love for you. The Legacy You Build Starts Today I adored Rhonda's reminder that the home we build today — with love, forgiveness, humility — shapes our children's future marriages and their walk with God. You don’t want to look back with regret because of harshness or pride. But even if that's part of your story, God's grace offers a reset, starting today. We are rooting for you! May God's kind heart move your own ...
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    1 h et 2 min
  • 488-Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!)

    488-Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!)
    Jun 20 2025
    Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!) If you're a wife who feels like physical intimacy just isn’t for you... this post is for you. Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe sex feels awkward, or painful, or even meaningless. Maybe it seems like something only he wants, and you just go along with it. If any of that resonates, I want you to know: you're not broken. You're not alone. And there is hope. When Sex Feels Disappointing or Painful in Marriage When I first got married, I was so excited. I had saved myself for marriage and imagined physical intimacy would be beautiful and bonding. But what I experienced instead was disappointment. It was physically painful, emotionally awkward, and deeply confusing. I felt ashamed, fat, insecure, and unprepared. My marriage at that time eventually ended in divorce. There was no biblical reason—I just couldn’t take the strife and anxiety anymore. I was devastated. I had followed what I believed was the right path, and yet my marriage still crumbled. And then, I drifted. I walked away from God's design, from purity, and into promiscuity. But God is a Redeemer. In time, He gently brought me back. I met a kind, respectful man, and with him, God showed me what healthy, healing intimacy could look like. And it has been a journey—one filled with slow growth, freedom, and true pleasure. Understanding God’s Design for Sexual Pleasure in Marriage Let’s be honest—many wives could take or leave sex. Some even hate it. And yet, God designed physical intimacy to be good—not just for your husband, but for you. You may have grown up in purity culture, where sex was labeled “bad,” “shameful,” or “off-limits.” Then suddenly, you get married and are expected to flip a switch and enjoy it. That’s confusing, to say the least! But what if we started thinking of pleasure the way God does? What if we saw it as a gift? You enjoy a clean house, right? You feel at peace, relaxed, energized. That’s pleasure. So why is it so hard to believe that sexual pleasure could be just as valid, just as worthy, just as holy? Why Christian Wives Should Value Pleasure in Intimacy God didn’t create intimacy only for reproduction or duty. He created it for joy, connection, healing, and pleasure. Even Song of Solomon celebrates sensuality—touch, smell, taste, sight, and sound. Pleasure is part of God’s design. It doesn’t have to end in orgasm or even intercourse to be sacred. A simple act like cuddling, stripping down just to rest in your husband’s arms, or a gentle caress can be deeply meaningful. An moment where you focus on intimacy without the pressure of a “goal.” It’s healing. It’s freeing. How to Begin Enjoying Intimacy Again—Even If You Feel Broken You don’t have to leap from disinterest to passion overnight. What if you started with just an inch in the direction of intimacy? A kiss. A caress. A flirty smile. That’s it. Then maybe next time, a little more. Intimacy doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s a dance. A progression. A fluid rhythm between two people who are learning how to love and be loved. Biblical Boundaries for Sex—and the Freedom Within Them I’ve seen it time and again—wives who once hated sex now pursue it with confidence and joy. Not because they’ve become someone they’re not, but because they’ve allowed God to rewrite their story. You don’t have to live stuck in shame, apathy, or duty. You were made for more. You were made for joy. You were made to receive pleasure—and not just physical pleasure, but the peace and playfulness that come from deep connection. You can laugh, relax, and actually look forward to physical intimacy. Even if you’re post-menopausal. Even if you’ve been through trauma. Even if you feel like you’re the one who’s “just not into it.” God can change it. He’s done it in me. He’s done it in hundreds of wives I’ve coached. And He can do it in you. With love & hope, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - For more information on the Connection Sessions mentioned in the podcast, check out Delight Your Marriage: Connection Sessions. PPS - To learn more about our research on Biblical boundaries in marital intimacy, please visit Delight Your Marriage: Boundaries in Sex. PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "So much of my prayer time was trying to pray for my hubs and me and us in our marriage and lamenting over the state of our marriage...it was so hard for me to engage in intimacy with my husband...Most times I just had to turn off my heart and pray and power through, which only served to make me even more avoidant of it...[Now,] I don't feel like I need a brick wall to protect my heart from my husband...Intimacy feels like a safe place...It's not intimacy's 'for him', it's ALWAYS intimacy for 'us'."
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    28 min
  • 487-He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story

    487-He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story
    Jun 13 2025
    He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story Rebekah didn’t sign up for marriage coaching. She wasn’t looking for help. In fact, when her husband first discovered us, she politely declined any involvement. He had found the podcast and was quietly listening, learning, and applying. She wasn’t ready. But he didn’t push. He didn’t demand. He just loved her. And that—his sacrificial, consistent, Christlike love—is what eventually opened her heart. When the Husband Leads and Goes First “He died to himself,” Rebekah said, describing her husband Noah’s transformation. “He was willing to love me even if I didn’t love him back.” It didn’t happen overnight. Noah committed to the Men’s Program during Rebekah’s pregnancy, often implementing everything he learned from recordings because he was unable to attend the live Group Coaching Calls due to work. He walked out the truth. And over time, Rebekah noticed. “I felt deeply that he was doing that for me,” she shared. “And that softened my heart.” Being Intimidated by Intimacy Rebekah’s journey around intimacy was painful. It was often physically painful. She didn’t enjoy it. She felt shy around it and blushed when the topic came up. She felt disconnected—from herself, from her husband, even from her own body. She also knew what was at stake. “Intimacy was already hard… but with kids, it could disappear completely,” she said. “I didn’t want that. For me. Or for our son.” She began to see how her challenges weren’t just affecting her—it was impacting her family. And when she realized how her own view of her body and sexuality could shape her child’s experience, she knew something needed to change. God Opened the Door for A Change of Heart in Intimacy “I had already been recommending DYM to others,” she laughed. “But I hadn’t done it myself. And I realized… maybe this was my turn.” What she discovered wasn’t just practical help. It was healing. Learning to Feel Safe One of Rebekah’s breakthroughs came in understanding safety—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Through the program, she learned how to identify when her body was in fight-or-flight mode—and how to speak truth over herself: “My husband loves me. I’m safe. This is how he expresses love.” By renewing her mind with Scripture and applying our tools, she started to relax, receive, and even enjoy intimacy! And the community of women around her helped normalize what once felt foreign. Learning Healthy Boundaries—and Becoming a Daughter One coaching call stood out above the rest. The topic was boundaries—not as walls, but as the way we act like we truly are children of God. “I realized I wasn’t treating myself like I was God’s daughter,” Rebekah said, her voice trembling with tears. “And I needed to stop crossing boundaries in my own mind.” That moment launched a new season in her life—one where she no longer withheld emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Instead, she began living like someone deeply loved and worth loving. Becoming More Confident in Intimacy, Growing in Emotional Maturity, and More Here’s what she now walks in: Confidence in intimacy with her husband Emotional maturity and responsibility Joy rooted in Christ not circumstances A transformed mindset aligned with truth A deeper value for marriage than ever before She even said, “Going into this, I didn’t value marriage like I do now. But I believe God can save any marriage. He did it for mine.” Final Thoughts for If You Feel It's All Too Much... We know what it's like to feel like your marriage is hopeless. Like intimacy will never change. It will remain painful. It will remain disconnected. It will remain joyless. We also know how it feels to be unsure of a program like this. "Will it really work for me?" "Are the testimonies actually true?" "I see it worked for them, but my marriage is different. We are too far gone." Let us encourage you today: Your marriage is not too far gone. Yes, these testimonies, Rebekah's included, are true. And, by the grace of God, it does work and change marriages. Your intimacy does not have to remain joyless and painful and disconnected. It can be joyful, enjoyable, and connected. Let's end with a prayer: Heavenly Father, you know this one. You know who needed to hear this message and who needed to read these words. Father, would you bless them in their marriage. Would you bring them the healing they've been longing for. Would you give them divine patience, mercy, and grace for their spouses and divine ideas on how to love them well. Would you give them the inspiration and encouragement they need and remind them how deeply loved they are by you. In your holy name, we pray, Amen. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want to know more about the Women's Program that Rebekah mentioned, that helped her go from ...
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    42 min
  • 486-How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun

    486-How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun
    Jun 6 2025
    How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun Maybe you're a leader in your church, a high achiever at work, or a dedicated family man—but deep inside, you feel the sting of shame. Maybe it's from mistakes in your past, struggles in your present, or simply the pressure of not living up to what you think you should be. Here’s the good news: you don’t have to carry it anymore. Pastor Drew Hyun—lead pastor of Hope Church NYC and executive director of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship—shares how God’s love offers a radical solution. Not just theologically, but practically. In this powerful teaching, originally given to our men's community, Drew walks us through how to eradicate shame through our identity in Christ. These truths brought tears to the eyes of many men in our program—and it’s easy to see why. Because when you truly grasp how deeply you’re loved by God, everything changes. The Root of Shame: Why Our Identity Feels So Fragile Pastor Drew’s upbringing was marked by harsh parenting, deep wounds, and religious hypocrisy. His father—who eventually became a well-known pastor and author—was emotionally and physically abusive at home, even as he preached about how to raise a godly family. Drew grew up trying to reconcile this contradiction, and his early life was shaped by a relentless drive to succeed, perform, and hide his struggles. Whether you’ve experienced something similar or not, many of us understand that tension: performing on the outside while hiding pain on the inside. And when we can’t live up to the image we’ve created—shame creeps in. But here's the turning point: our identity doesn’t come from performance or other people's approval. It comes from Christ alone. Emotional Health Is Spiritual Maturity As Pastor Drew shared with us, "You cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” It doesn’t matter how impressive your resume is, how many sermons you’ve heard, or how many Bible verses you know—if your wife experiences you as unloving, cold, or critical, then something is broken. Spiritual growth isn’t just what you do in public. It’s who you are in private—especially with those closest to you. The call to emotional health is not just self-help. It’s a discipleship issue—and a doorway to freedom. Public Life vs. Private Life Social media, church culture, and cultural expectations often tempt us to present a polished version of ourselves. But that disconnect between our public image and private reality breeds shame. Drew shares how discovering integrity—being whole and consistent, not perfect—transformed his life. He uses this beautiful definition of humility, rooted in the Latin word humus (meaning grounded): “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.” When you’re grounded in God’s love, you no longer need to perform. You can walk in truth, freedom, and consistency—the marks of a mature man of God. Overcoming Shame Through Christ-Centered Identity Shame loses its power when you know who you are in Jesus. Culture tells you to look inside yourself or to please your family and community. But both of those paths eventually fail. Only God's love is unchanging. Here’s a mantra Pastor Drew repeats often: "In Jesus, I am fully loved, fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear." That’s your anchor when insecurity hits. That’s your firm footing when shame comes knocking. When you remember this truth, you can stop hiding and start living. What It Means to Be a Bold Yet Humble Christian Leader So what does healthy Christian leadership look like? It’s not puffed-up pride. And it’s not self-defeating shame. It’s humble boldness—a leadership style rooted in identity, not insecurity. Drew points to Jesus as our ultimate model. He is both Lion and Lamb—powerful and gentle, bold and self-sacrificing. When your worth is secure in Christ: You don’t feel inferior to anyone. You don’t feel superior to anyone. You can love boldly and lead without fear. As Drew puts it, “I don’t need to perform. I just need to show up as my honest self—and be a conduit of God’s love.” Why Your Marriage Is a Miracle in the Making Your marriage isn’t just for your happiness—it’s a sign and wonder to the world. Ephesians 5 calls marriage a “mega mystery” that reflects the love between Christ and His Church. That means your pursuit of your wife—emotionally, physically, spiritually—is a living picture of Jesus' relentless, selfless love. Even if things feel strained right now, even if your wife is distant or hurting—your love still matters. Your kindness. Your self-control. Your forgiveness. Your joyful pursuit. They point to the God who never gives up on us. Final Thoughts: You Are Deeply Loved—Right Now You might feel like you’ve failed too much or that your shame disqualifies you from being a great husband. But ...
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    51 min