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  • 519-Have Compassion on Your Husband's God-Given Desire

    519-Have Compassion on Your Husband's God-Given Desire
    Jan 30 2026
    Have Compassion on Your Husband's Desire This is a tender topic. And for some of you, even reading this headline might make your chest tighten. Because desire can feel complicated. Painful. Loaded. Or honestly… just exhausting. And yet, this conversation matters—not to shame you, not to pressure you, but to invite you into compassion. Not obligation. Not fear. Not duty-driven compliance. Compassion rooted in God's design for marriage. The Enemy Thrives on Distraction One of the enemy's most effective strategies in marriage is not always obvious sin. It's distraction. Distance. Avoidance. Silence. When sexual intimacy is broken in a marriage—when it's infrequent, half-hearted, or consistently avoided—it quietly becomes a distraction for both spouses. Especially your husband. Not because he's weak. Not because he's demanding. But because sexual intimacy is not a small issue in his life—it is deeply connected to how God designed him. When that connection is missing, it costs him far more than you may realize. Your Husband's Desire Is Not Separate From Who He Is Your husband's sexual desire is not something he can simply turn off. It is woven into his physical design, his emotional wiring, and his sense of being wanted and chosen. When that desire is consistently rejected, it creates real pain—often silent pain. Pain that takes up mental space, affects focus, and drains confidence and steadiness. Just as hunger dominates attention when the body is not nourished, deprivation in intimacy dominates attention when a husband does not know if—or when—connection will happen again. God Did Not Design Sex to Be Optional in Marriage Scripture is clear. "Do not deprive each other." (1 Corinthians 7:5) This is not a suggestion. It is not conditional on feelings. It is not shaped by cultural norms. God designed sexual intimacy to be part of the covenant of marriage—for unity, protection, and connection. This does not mean ignoring trauma. This does not mean tolerating coercion or manipulation. This does not mean silencing wisdom or boundaries. But it does mean that long-term deprivation is outside God's design—and He does not give commands without also offering grace and a path toward healing. If Intimacy Feels Difficult, There Is a Reason If moving toward intimacy feels heavy, forced, or emotionally overwhelming, there is almost always something beneath the surface. Shame about your body. Fear of being used. Past sexual pain or trauma. Resentment that has not healed. Pressure that replaced joy. Messages that taught you sex was dangerous, dirty, or merely a duty. These blocks are real and they deserve attention. But they do not get the final word. God is not asking you to ignore your story—He is inviting you to bring it into the light where healing is possible. Intimacy Was Designed to Be Good God designed marital intimacy to be: Naked and unashamed Enjoyed, not endured Protective, not destructive A celebration of union Scripture celebrates this openly, without embarrassment. Your husband was designed to enjoy the female form, and God gave him exactly one holy place to do that: within marriage. When that place becomes closed off, the cost is deeper than most couples realize. Start Before You Feel Ready Waiting until everything feels healed often means waiting indefinitely. Freedom usually follows obedience—not the other way around. Consistency matters more than perfection. Even choosing regular, predictable intimacy—without everything feeling "fixed"—can begin to rebuild safety, quiet anxiety, and soften resistance. When intimacy is rare, it becomes a mountain. When it is steady, it becomes normal. When it is generous, it becomes life-giving. Your Marriage Was Meant to Be Missional Marriage was never designed to exist only for comfort. It was designed to strengthen both spouses for the work God has called them to do. Healthy intimacy does not distract from God's purposes—it supports them. But when intimacy is withheld, it often becomes the very distraction Scripture warns against. Your compassion has power. It can steady your husband. It can protect your marriage. It can remove a burden he may be carrying quietly. Final Encouragement If this stirred something in you—conviction, grief, resistance, or even hope—don't rush past it. That stirring matters. God does not expose something in your heart to shame you. He does it to heal you. You are not being asked to become someone else overnight. You are being invited to take one faithful step—today—toward compassion, obedience, and freedom. There is grace for the journey. There is wisdom for the next step. And there is hope—more than you may be able to see right now. You are not alone. And God is not finished here. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want help walking through this with wisdom and care, we would love to come alongside you. Book a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. PPS - Here is a ...
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    53 min
  • 518-Husbands, Draw Her Back: Order of Operations

    518-Husbands, Draw Her Back: Order of Operations
    Jan 23 2026
    Husbands, Draw Her Back: Order of Operations Gentlemen, you have likely heard that you are meant to be the leader of your home. You've likely heard it from the pulpit, maybe from your own family. We know there's been some confusion around that in culture, asking men to take a back seat or not be as assertive and lead–even though it is their God-given design. But we fully believe that it is the biblical design for men and that it is good for men to take up their role. And you likely have a deep sense that this is how it's meant to be as well. But what happens when the people you are meant to lead... aren't following? Your family. Particularly, your wife. What if you are doing all the right things–trying to make good decisions for your family, trying to make sure they are safe, healthy, and provided for, trying to think of the future and what is going to be needed...and your wife is just disregarding it all. In fact, she's trying to take the reins and lead herself. Maybe it even feels like she's trying to make you obsolete. In this episode, we are diving into why women often feel the need to control and how you as a husband can help shift the culture of your home, draw her back, and have the marriage you've always wanted–with a wife that trusts you, supports you, and is cheering you on. A Tale of Two Marriages If you have been around Delight Your Marriage a while, you might know part of the back story–married very young, determined to be a submissive wife, did everything a good Christian woman is supposed to do. And yet there was discord. There was quarreling. There was strife. There was even competition. There was a feeling of never being good enough, let alone cherished. There ended up being a filing for divorce (something to plead the blood of Jesus over) and walking away from God for a period of time. The hurt was severe. Everything had been done right, how did it go so wrong? Then came meeting Darrow. Even in dating, it was so different than anything before. After years of feeling uneasy, uncared for, and on edge– there was finally safety. Yes, physical safety, but also emotional safety. Safe to share and not be ridiculed. Safe to express emotion and it be received with steadiness, patience, and kindness. Safe to be fully open and not be mocked or shamed. That tenderness and kindness brought safety. And that safety led to trust. How to Lead a Leader As marriage went on, certain things arose. He wasn't taking as much initiative as before. He wouldn't get things done that needed to get done. He wasn't leading. But this time it was different. There was a realization: He actually didn't have permission to lead. It had not fully been given to him. There was still control, and that made him feel angry and apathetic, like "Why even try?" So, the response changed. No more steering the ship. No more hands on the reins. He is the leader. And now, there is so much more happiness and rest. But it was only because he had shown his character–that he is a trustworthy person, that he is safe–that there was even confidence to be able to allow him to lead. That confidence was not there in the first marriage. There was no safety. There was fear and unrest, and so control was the answer. Think of an animal that feels scared–is the best way to get them to follow you to continue being tough and assertive? Or is it to show that you are gentle and they will be safe with you? So, What Needs To Happen First To Draw Your Wife Back? So then, what draws your wife back? It looks something like this: Establish Safety She must be emotionally, spiritually, and physically safe. She is safe to open up. She is safe to express. She knows she is going to be accepted fully as she is. What if you can't accept her fully as she is? What if you are waiting for her to change and then, you can fully love her? If that is where you're at, consider what Christ did for you. "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:6-8 (NIV) Christ did not wait for us to be perfect in order to love us. And if you, men, are called to love your wives as Christ loved the church, it means loving her always, no matter the circumstance. Love her regardless and establish that safety. Grow in your relationship with Christ. Truly exemplify the fruit of the Spirit (remember patience :)). Slowly Reestablish Jesus-Like Leadership In all things, lead from love. If you have great leadership, but have not love, it is "but a clanging cymbal" (1 Cor. 13:1) For more insight on drawing your wife back, take a listen to today's podcast. A Final Encouragement Dear men, we want you to take up the mantle of leadership. In your workplaces, in your churches, in your families. But your wife needs ...
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    37 min
  • 517-From "You Were Never There for Me, Dad" to "I Want to Marry a Man Like You"

    517-From "You Were Never There for Me, Dad" to "I Want to Marry a Man Like You"
    Jan 17 2026
    It is our honor and privilege to have Charles on the podcast with us today. Many of you have maybe already spoken to Charles. He serves as one of our Clarity Advisors here at Delight Your Marriage and has done an incredible job of listening to your stories and giving you next steps, but most importantly, giving you hope. What you might not know about Charles is that he spent many years as a very successful businessman. I mean, he was (and is!) a force! And that's what people saw on the outside: 40 years in business, two homes, active in ministry, a wife of 3o years, two grown children. Everything looked perfect. But it wasn't the full picture. "On Paper, We Had Everything… But We Were Just Roommates" The full picture was that Charles was in pain. His marriage was suffering. He felt like they had become roommates and the intimacy and connection wasn't there. His daughter, after watching her parents fight yet again, brought up to him that "all you and mom do is fight". She didn't feel safe and their relationship was strained, so much so that she even mentioned she would prefer he not be the one to solely walk her down the aisle when the day came. There was pain, true pain. That moment with his daughter became a turning point. He cried out to God. And God answered. Finding the Delight Your Marriage Podcast Charles found the Delight Your Marriage podcast—and after only two episodes, he booked a Clarity Call and jumped in. What followed wasn't easy. It required humility. Repentance. Unlearning cultural "norms" that were never biblical to begin with. But what he discovered was sobering and freeing all at once: Being a provider is not the same as being present Strength without gentleness hardens the heart Leadership without humility blocks intimacy—with your spouse and with God And slowly—steadily—everything began to change. When a Daughter Finally Feels Safe One of the most profound transformations wasn't just in Charles' marriage—it was in his relationship with his daughter. Years earlier, she had told him, "Why can't you be like my friend's dad?" Instead of defending himself, Charles did something radically different. He listened. He apologized and owned the pain he had caused. And he stayed emotionally present instead of shutting down, like he had done in the past. That conversation marked the beginning of healing. Fast forward to this past Christmas, two years after starting this program, his daughter handed him a card. Inside, she wrote: "Every day you bless me so abundantly with peace and security of knowing you have me… I hope my future husband is even half of what you are to me." That card became the most valuable gift Charles has ever received, and he saw, even more, how the changes he had made changed the trajectory of his family. A Marriage Built on The Rock Charles often says something that shocks people: "I would give it all away for a shack on a rock if it meant having what we have now." Why? Because before, his marriage was built on cardboard and duct tape, as he says. Cultural assumptions, pride, and survival mode. Now, it's built on the Rock. Biblical wisdom. Daily repentance. Practical tools. Accountability. Peace. Life Now as a Clarity Advisor Charles' story doesn't end with his own marriage. Today, he serves as a Clarity Advisor, walking alongside other men and women who feel stuck, hopeless, or unsure where to begin. He's seen: Wives move back into homes after separation Pornography addictions broken Years-long intimacy restored Homes transformed by peace And now, pastors are bringing Delight Your Marriage Academy into their churches—because the need is everywhere, including globally. Final Encouragement Now, two years later, Charles' marriage is completely transformed, his relationship with his daughter is completely transformed, and he, himself, is completely transformed. God has truly turned mourning into dancing. This is not a one-off event. This is the God we serve–who heals marriages and changes lives, who heals hearts and minds, who redeems families and generations. He cares. He cares deeply about Charles and answered his cry. And He cares about you. If you are waiting for an answer from God, maybe this is the answer. Maybe calling and taking that next step is the answer. We are rooting for you and we love you. God bless you! Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want to take the next step and chat with our incredible Clarity Advisors, like Charles, schedule a free Clarity Call here. We would love to talk with you. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent DYM Academy graduate: "I thought this was well presented and very comprehensive. The clarity of what women need to be safe, known and wholeheartedly cherished was spot on. I understood the basics but seeing it formalized was really beneficial to me. The listening skills and the way they were presented cannot be overstated."
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    47 min
  • 516-A Pastor with a "Prostitute" Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry's Story

    516-A Pastor with a "Prostitute" Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry's Story
    Jan 10 2026
    516-A Pastor with a "Prostitute" Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry's Story There's a quiet frustration many good men carry. You've tried to talk. You've tried to suggest counseling, books, podcasts—something. You've even tried explaining your heart. And still… she doesn't seem to listen. Doesn't engage. Doesn't change. If that's you, let me say this gently but clearly: God may be asking you to go first. And yes—that can feel unfair. But it is also where real transformation begins. When You Find Yourself Becoming Someone You Didn't Want to Be One husband recently shared that after nearly three decades of marriage and years of faithful ministry, he found himself in a place he never expected. Not because his marriage had been bad. But because it was changing—and he wasn't prepared. His wife's body was changing. Their season of life was shifting. Transitions piled up. And slowly, something in him hardened. He was becoming "grouchy" and "crusty". He said it plainly: "I just didn't like how I was becoming… and I didn't like how I was treating my wife." That awareness matters. Because most men don't wake up one day intending to pressure, resent, or withdraw. It happens subtly—when expectations go unmet and entitlement slowly but surely begins to creep in. A Marriage That Became Transactional Instead of Sacrifical Many men come to this work believing, "If my wife would just listen… if she would just change… then we'd be okay." But here's the truth that was exposed in this man's life: he was living transactionally. "I didn't realize I was living in a transactional relationship until those transactions weren't happening." In other words: I give love → I expect intimacy. I serve → I expect responsiveness. This man had never thought of himself as transactional—until intimacy slowed and frustration surged. That's when God began to do the deeper work. Take the Focus Off Intimacy to Heal Intimacy One of the most countercultural invitations men hear in this process is simple—and deeply uncomfortable: Take your foot off the gas. Not forever. But for now. Because a woman cannot open her body when her heart doesn't feel safe. She needs to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished—especially in seasons of vulnerability like menopause, grief, exhaustion, or long-term transition. This husband learned that before asking anything of his wife, God was asking him to rebuild safety. And that required humility. The "Prostitute" Mindset Going through the Masculinity Reclaimed process, this man shared something that he learned that changed everything for him: "[Belah said] you guys are treating your wives like prostitutes. And the fact that you are not making them feel safe. You are not making them feel fully known...and you are not wholeheartedly cherishing your wives. Yet, you know, you flip the switch at...10 o'clock, 11 o'clock at night, and you want intimacy, and you're getting grouchy or whatever when that doesn't happen." He had never seen it this way before, and it changed everything for him. It was painful to hear. And necessary. Because intimacy without safety and care doesn't feel like love to a woman—it feels like obligation. Doing the Work Made a Change in Their Marriage This man didn't tell his wife he was doing the work at first. But she noticed anyway. She noticed the listening. The gentleness. The apologies for things that happened years ago. And eventually, she asked. Change preached is often resisted. Change embodied is felt. Yes, intimacy improved. But that's not what this husband points to as the greatest win. He says the real transformation was internal: Healthier expectations A reordered life A clearer understanding of his responsibility as a man Final Encouragement If you're waiting for your wife to change before you soften… If you're tempted to push, convince, or withdraw… If you're tired of feeling unseen… Hear this: God honors the man who goes first. Not the man who wins the argument. You are not alone. And this is not the end of your story. It may be the beginning of the truest work God has ever done in you. You can do this, sir. God bless you! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS – Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It's time to take the leap. PPS – Wondering just exactly how healthy your own marriage is? Are you also surviving instead of thriving? Take our free Marital Health Assessment and see what your marital score is–and how we can help. PPPS – Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "We argued a lot. Said hurtful things to each other. Raised voices in front of the kids. Less emotional connection generally. Sex felt merely physical and not emotionally connected...not fulfilling. Usually felt like duty. And I have always ...
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    47 min
  • 515-New Years Resolutions with Hope

    515-New Years Resolutions with Hope
    Jan 2 2026
    515-New Years Resolutions with Hope Happy New Year! If you're reading this a couple days into 2026—welcome. And if you're reading this in the middle of 2037, it still applies. Because God is still on the throne. He is still a good Father. And He is still interested in crafting and molding your heart—especially in the middle of real life… including the hard parts. Put Your Growth Mindset On (Yes, Literally) If you've been in our Delight Your Marriage sphere for any length of time, you know I'm a little obsessed with growth. So, the New Year is one of the things I look forward to the most. I want to share something that we do in coaching calls. It can honestly look silly… but it works. We put our hands over our heads like a hat and we say: "Put your growth mindset on." Why? Because the posture matters. A growth mindset says: "God can change me." "I'm not finished yet." "This isn't the end of my story." "My marriage isn't stuck forever." A fixed mindset says: "This is just how I am." "Take it or leave it." "This is all there is." For us as believers, a growth mindset is a reflection of our faith. Our hope is rooted in a God who raises the dead (Romans 8:11), who changes hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26), and who redeems the years the locusts have stolen (Joel 2:25). Having a growth mindset is a reflection of the hope we have in Jesus. A New Year Reflection That Actually Changes You Here's what I like to do around the New Year (and yes, if you haven't done it yet, you still have time). I go month by month through the previous year and write down what I remember—hard things, good things, major moments, heartache, breakthroughs. Then, I pray: "God, what do You want me to learn from this year?" Because honestly… if He doesn't bring it to mind, maybe it isn't the thing He wants me to carry forward. Then after I list the moments, I write two categories: Wins Learnings Not because I'm trying to build a scrapbook of accomplishments or places I fell short, but because I'm trying to build wisdom. When You've Been Crushed… God Is Doing Something There's a passage in 2 Corinthians 1 where Paul describes being: utterly weighed down crushed despairing of life itself And then he says this: 7 And our hope for you [our confident expectation of good for you] is firmly grounded [assured and unshaken], since we know that just as you share as partners in our sufferings, so also you share as partners in our comfort. 8 For we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about our trouble in [the west coast province of] Asia, how we were utterly burdened beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life [itself]. 9 Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the sentence of death and were convinced that we would die, but this happened so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead. 10 He has rescued us from so great a danger of death, and will rescue us; on Him we have set our hope [and confident expectation] that He will continue to rescue us. -2 Corinthians 1:7–10 (AMP) That suffering was to keep them from trusting in themselves… and to depend on God who raises the dead. Friend… what if that pain you walked through wasn't proof God forgot you? What if it was proof He was calling you deeper? Not into self-reliance. Not into "I'll just manage." But into dependence. And yes, dependence feels vulnerable. But it's also where hope is born. And we have a God that we CAN depend on. So wherever you relied on yourself this past year… know you can rely on God. The Subtle Trap: Distracting Yourself Instead of Depending on God Sometimes sneaks in during suffering: Distraction. When we hurt, we're tempted to numb. A screen. A scroll. A snack. A show. A YouTube rabbit hole. A constant something to get us away from feelings that are uncomfortable. And the question becomes: What am I trusting to comfort me? Is it God? Or is it a coping mechanism—even a "normal" one—that quietly replaces Him? If we want to be dependent on God, it must be for our comfort too. You Can Do "Christian Things" and Still Miss Love In thinking of resolutions for the new year, we need to also think about the heart behind it. I want you to take into consideration 1 Corinthians 13. It is not just a wedding reading. It's a mirror. You can do all sorts of impressive things: serve teach sacrifice prophesy lead build give generously …and Scripture says: if it isn't done in love, it amounts to nothing. So here's a New Year question that matters more than "Did I hit my goals?" Did I love? Conviction Is Kindness (And Shame Is Not From God) In thinking about growth for the new year, consider Hebrews 12. It says 'God disciplines those He loves.' So, conviction is not God crushing you. Conviction is God reminding you of truth. The world doesn't know what to do with guilt and shame—so they do mental gymnastics, or distract, or blame, or numb. But we ...
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    57 min
  • 514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story)

    514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story)
    Dec 20 2025
    514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story) There is a kind of marriage pain that does not look dramatic.It's not an outward struggle.Just a quiet ache.A marriage that functions but does not feel alive. Laura lived in that space for decades. From the outside, her life looked good. Forty years of marriage. Seven children. A faithful husband. A stable home. A shared faith. Everything a good Christian marriage is supposed to be. And yet, beneath the surface, something was missing. Emotional Safety.Real connection.Being fully seen. For a long time, she told herself she had nothing to complain about. Her husband was faithful. He wasn't an alcoholic. He never abused her. He provided well for his family. But inside, Laura carried a question she barely allowed herself to ask: "Is this really all there is?" The Hidden Cycle That Brought Broken Trust Even with her husband's steadiness and Laura's determination to be grateful, there was a painful habit that entered their marriage early on that would consistently rear its ugly head. Her husband was addicted to porn. This was their cycle for many years:-Her husband would confess porn use.-There would be repentance and renewed effort.-Then, pressure would follow. Laura would put the blame on herself, thinking, "If I did better, this would not happen." She read tons and tons of books, trying to better herself.She kept respect for her husband.She pursued intimacy, knowing it was important to him. And still, the cycle kept returning. So, she did what many wives do–she minimized her pain.She told herself others had it worse. After all, he worked hard. He stayed. He was a good man. Why complain? But the heart does not heal simply because we silence it. And this belief that Laura had that it was on her was not only a lie… but it was heavy and destructive. Decades of "Just Okay" Laura kept carrying the weight of keeping the peace and enduring that vicious cycle of porn use. So, she poured herself lovingly into family life. She homeschooled their children.She kept their home while he went to work, the way they were taught to do. And yet, beneath the surface, she felt emotionally disconnected. Alongside that, she felt there was no safe place to process her pain.No one equipped to walk with her.Even when reaching out to a Christian counselor, it wasn't quite enough. So, she pushed her own pain down...for decades. But pain does not disappear because it is ignored.It simply goes underground.And it shows up as numbness, distance, or quiet resignation. Eventually, Laura realized something had to change. She could not continue living like this. She told her husband he needed help for his porn addiction and that if he did not, they may need to consider divorce. Her husband obliged, and they tried counseling together, which helped some. But it wasn't until he entered the work privately through the Coaching program that something different happened. When Safety Was Introduced Into Her Marriage Though Laura didn't know he was taking a marriage course (He shared he was taking an online class), she started to notice a difference in the way he showed up to their marriage. He did not try to fix her or pressure her.He did not demand that she change. He began bringing home flowers, letting her know she was beautiful just the way she was, planning dates.He became emotionally present.Humble.Gentle.Safe. He changed. For the first time in their marriage, Laura began to feel celebrated for who she already was instead of feeling like he wished she were different. She no longer felt like she had to earn love. She felt cherished, emotionally safe, and truly loved–just the way she was. And it changed everything. From Feeling Skeptical to Feeling Hopeful After having heard a DYM podcast episode several years before these changes, Laura had closed herself off to the thought of DYM. But then, upon hearing an episode that we created for wives, she began to see the full picture more clearly and open herself up to the program. She decided to try it herself, even though she was still a bit skeptical. She realized that what made the difference was not only the content, but the context.She was no longer alone.She had community.She had a specific place to ask her specific questions about her marriage. For the first time, Laura had a safe place to speak honestly and to process pain without being blamed. She learned she could have a voice in her marriage. She could ask for help.She learned intimacy did not have to be driven by pressure.She learned she could say no to certain requests without any fear. Most importantly, she learned she mattered. 40 Years of Marriage–And Hoping For Many More "In short, it's better than it has ever been." Our hearts filled up when she shared this with us. Her husband is more in tune to what she needs and will go out of his way to bring in "delights"–if it's planning something special, bringing her flowers, or going along ...
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    1 h et 3 min
  • 513-The Christmas Reset: Peace Over Perfection (Interview With My Sons)

    513-The Christmas Reset: Peace Over Perfection (Interview With My Sons)
    Dec 12 2025
    Christmas can feel magical.It can also feel exhausting. If you're a parent who secretly feels pressure rising as the holidays approach—the expectations, the mess, the emotions, the memories—you're not alone. And sometimes, the clearest wisdom doesn't come from another parenting book or productivity hack. Sometimes it comes from children. I sat down with my two sons for a conversation about Christmas. I expected sweetness and laughter (and we definitely had that). But what I didn't expect was how profoundly wise their reflections would be—for moms and dads who want to keep Christ and joy at the center, even when emotions run high. May this conversation be a gentle reminder for all of us about what truly matters this season. The Most Important Thing During the Holiday Season When I asked my boys what makes Christmas special, their answers were simple: Being with familyGiving and receiving giftsAnd most importantly—Jesus Isn't it interesting how easy it is for adults to know that truth, but still lose sight of it when stress enters the room? Kids seem to understand something we forget:Christmas isn't about perfection.It's about presence. Not perfect decorations.Not perfect meals.Not perfect behavior. But hearts that are oriented toward love. How Christmas Gets Derailed (And What Actually Matters) One of the most insightful moments came when we talked about what can ruin Christmas. Their answer? A negative, ungrateful attitude. And then they surprised me again by pointing out something many parents don't want to hear: "Adults need to remember this too." Children feel the atmosphere of a home.Even when no words are spoken. Tension.Unresolved anger.Stress that leaks out sideways. Kids may not understand the details—but they absolutely feel the weight. And when parents are overwhelmed or snapping at each other, it impacts everything. When You're Tempted to Snap at Your Spouse So, what do you do when you're tempted to snap at your spouse? Here's where the conversation turned especially tender. We talked about parents getting stressed—especially moms who want everything to be "just right" before guests arrive. And my sons said something profound: Take ownership of your emotionsDon't take stress out on your spouseWalk away if you need toCalm your body before speaking They emphasized taking ownership of the way you choose to respond. We discussed Matthew 12:36 that says, "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak," The win isn't never feeling frustrated.The win is choosing restraint, humility, and love in the moment of temptation. The Gift of Calming Yourself Before You Speak How do you calm yourself before you lose your temper? They offered practical ideas—simple, doable, grace-filled: Take a walkDrink cold waterTake deep breathsStep outside or into another roomTake a long shower with space to think Not to avoid responsibility—but to prevent harm. Because once harsh words are spoken, they linger.And children remember not just what we say—but how it felt to be in our presence. If You've Messed Up Before… There Is Grace What if Christmas in the past was painful?What if words were spoken—or wounds created—that still ache? Their advice? PrayGo to the person you hurtSay "I'm sorry" sincerelyAsk if there's anything you can do to repair And then—trust God with what you cannot undo. You are not disqualified from joy because of past mistakes. Keeping Christ at the Center (Without Adding Pressure) When I asked how families can keep Jesus at the center of Christmas, their answers weren't complicated: A nativity sceneA meaningful star on the treePraying before mealsSimply thinking about Jesus Not performance. Not religious pressure. Just intentional reminders. Sometimes the most Christ-centered thing you can do is slow down enough to remember why you're celebrating. Final Thoughts: What Happens After Christmas The final question: When January comes, how do you want to remember this Christmas? My boys said: Happy, Safe, Grateful, Hopeful. Not impressed.Not exhausted.Not relieved it's over. But filled. That kind of Christmas doesn't come from doing more. It comes from being more present. If the holidays feel intimidating this year, hear this:You don't have to create a perfect Christmas.You are invited to cultivate a peaceful one. One where Christ is honored. Where your marriage is protected. Where your children feel safe. Where grace is louder than stress. And if you feel overwhelmed already—pause. Jesus came for this kind of moment. May your home be filled with warmth, peace, and joy this season. And may Christ—not pressure—be at the center. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - We are hosting our In-Person Training Celebration Call THIS Sunday at 6:30p. ALL are invited to hear the incredible stories of transformation and learn more about what's next for IPT in 2026. Click here to RSVP. PPS - If you're ready for more ...
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    47 min
  • 512-What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead

    512-What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead
    Dec 5 2025
    What Turns Her Off — and What Godly Husbands Do Instead Have you ever wished you could just…get inside your wife's heart for a moment? Not to manipulate, but to genuinely understand her. To love her in a way that makes her feel safe and wanted—not pressured or confused. My husband Darrow and I sat down to talk through something men rarely get honest insight about: Her biggest turn-offs. And not because we want to shame or scold—but because clarity brings freedom. When you finally understand what shuts her down, you also discover what opens her heart. So take a deep breath.You're not in trouble.You're learning—and that already makes you a good man. Let's walk through these turn-offs together, with God's kindness leading us all the way. 1. When Affection Feels Like a Transaction One of the most common complaints I hear from wives is this: "Every time he does something sweet, it feels like he's trying to get sex." A back rub, a coffee, a hand on her waist, a date night—beautiful gestures—become tainted when she senses they come with an expectation. When affection is only a bridge to the bedroom, she feels: UsedNot loved for who she isLike her worth is tied to her sexual availability God never intended marital intimacy to be a negotiation.Love her without a scoreboard. Bless her without an agenda. 2. Grabbing, Pinching, or Smacking Her Body When She's Not Comfortable Yes…wives talk about this. And I know many husbands mean it playfully.But if she doesn't feel safe—emotionally, spiritually, or physically—this kind of touch feels like entitlement, not affection. Her body is not something to be "snatched."She needs room to open, not pressure to surrender. When she feels cherished—not grabbed—she wants to share her body freely. 3. Taking "Not Now" Personally If she says she's tired, overwhelmed, stressed, or simply "not right now," it's almost never about you. But when a husband interprets it as: RejectionLack of desire"She doesn't love me" …it puts enormous emotional weight on her shoulders. Instead, respond with: "No worries, sweetheart. Another time would be wonderful." That confidence and peace will draw her toward you—not away. 4. Moping After She Says No Emotional sulking is not harmless. Moping communicates: "You disappointed me.""Now I have to punish you with sadness.""You're responsible for my emotions." This shuts her heart down.Fast. Your steadiness and joy—even when she's not available—makes her feel safe. And safety is the soil where desire grows. 5. Punishing Her for Not Wanting Sex This is one of the deepest wounds wives carry. Punishments include: Silent treatmentWithholding affectionMoving to another roomBeing cold or distantOnly being "nice" when you want intimacy These behaviors feel manipulative and honestly frightening. Your wife is not the enemy. She is the assignment God entrusted to you. Lead with love, not consequences. 6. Lack of Playfulness Playfulness is essential to intimacy. If everything feels heavy, serious, structured, pressured…then her nervous system never relaxes enough to enjoy being sensual. Silliness is holy ground for a woman's heart. Laughter lowers her guard.Playfulness creates connection. If you want her to be playful in the bedroom, she needs to experience playfulness outside the bedroom. 7. Not Feeling Emotionally Safe Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy. I'll say that one more time. Women cannot separate emotional connection from physical intimacy. When she feels emotionally unsafe, her body shuts down. Emotional Safety looks like: ListeningCompassionBeing slow to speak and quick to understandResponding gentlySupporting her heart, not "fixing" immediately When she feels heard, she opens. 8. Being a "Negative Nellie" (or Negative Ned!) Constant complaining is exhausting and not attractive. It pulls the atmosphere of the home downward and makes her feel like she has to carry your emotional weight. There is space to process hard things—but constant negativity drains the joy God wants in your marriage. Rejoice. Notice blessings. Bring hope into the home. 9. Bitterness and Resentment Long-term resentment is a marriage-killer. Bitterness communicates: "I haven't forgiven you.""You owe me.""I'm still keeping score." This is the opposite of Christlike love. Your wife cannot relax into intimacy with a man who holds her mistakes over her head. Forgiveness clears the ground for closeness to grow again. And if you need a little extra inspiration, let us turn you to Matthew 6:15 (NIV): "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." 10. Being Too Serious All the Time Intensity has a place—but not every moment. When a man is always stern, rigid, perfectionistic, spiritual-but-heavy…it makes her feel like she can never fully exhale. If she can't be herself around you, she won't be vulnerable with you. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit—not an optional extra. 11. Using ...
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    48 min