What do you do when your wife or husband tells you they want a divorce? 

Given that divorce rates in the US are still between 40-50 % for first marriages, and higher still for  second and third ones, If we get married at any point in our lives, there’s pretty much a 50-50 chance we’ll hear those words from our spouse. 

Perhaps you’ve seen it coming.

Perhaps you’ve seen and experienced the telltale signs of a marriage breaking down for years, such as arguing, criticism, contempt, silent treatment, lack of intimacy, declining frequency of sex, or the feeling of being room mates who go about your day-to-day business efficiently but without the depth and romance of lovers. 

On the other hand, you might not have seen it coming at all, and when your wife or husband told you they want a divorce, it hit you like a knife in the heart and you could scarcely believe your own ears. 

Either way, it’s a painful place to be and what you and your partner choose to do with that situation will have long-lasting consequences that will impact both of you and any children you have. 

In this episode, we’re not trying to cover every aspect of impending divorce. It’s a process that requires careful attention and competent guidance. We do want to share some useful insight and tips that will hopefully help you as you move forward. 

When your spouse says the D-word, you can’t yet know where the process is going to end. It’s natural that you’ll be very eager, even desperate, to answer all the associated questions such as, are we going to divorce or make it; how are we going to tell the kids; where are the kids going to live and go to school; who gets the house; how am I going to deal with finances; what about the retirement accounts, and many more. 

If you were surprised by your wife or husband  declaring they want a divorce, remember that they have a long time to think and process before saying something to you. It’s as if they have a month or year-long head start over you in the process. So it’s natural and totally understandable if you too are going to need some time to process the news. 

Listen to she 7-minute episode for the rest of the tips (or watch the video version here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZO4VuhREvc

One of the central tips in this video is to offer/share apologies with your wife or partner. Saying "I'm sorry" is never sufficient, sometimes even worse than nothing. 

To learn a complete 6-step apology, visit our virtual mini-workshop for couples, How To Make An Apology That Works, here: https://loveworkssolution.com/how-to-make-an-apology-that-works