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  • Unlocking Success with the Power of Law of Requisite Variety in NLP
    Jun 22 2017
    In this post we will explore the NLP Presupposition of "The Law of Requisite Variety" and its application in life and during therapies. This picture quote by Thomas Edison—the inventor of the light bulb—is much more than just a daily motivation shot. We’ve always been taught to see Dr Edison as an example of never-ending determination and perspiration. Often when we refer to the word ‘determination’, we formulate an image of pursuing our goals with a horse-eyed vision. We often assign working hard as being the strict and only way to success, overlooking the need to work smart. Thus, we end up falling into a pattern of consistent behaviours that unknowingly keep us away from achieving our complete potential. Don’t you ever wonder: Why you weren’t able to score well in that particular subject in school? Why that girl never accepted your proposal? Why you couldn’t persuade your boss to give you that promotion? Why you haven’t accomplished all of those things in spite of doing all that you had? The answer to each of the above questions and many more lies in the simple fact that our minds have come to associate determination with a static identity that doesn’t allow us to change our way of doing things but instead lets us settle with whatever result that we get. In short:We become rigid with our behaviours & flexible about our outcomes or results. Thus, the aim is to consciously shift the flexibility that we assign to our outcomes, to our path of achieving it i.e. our behaviours. Side Note: The same quote can also be used to explain another presupposition "There is no failure, only feedback". What is the NLP law of requisite variety? The law of requisite variety suggests that, the most flexible element in the system generally controls the system. Rigidity in behaviour may make us lose control over the outcomes we receive. What good will shooting an email, asking for a raise, to your boss every month does if it hasn’t worked for an entire year? However, instead, if you purposefully choose to try something new — say increase the business you get to your firm each month — to show your boss that you deserve the raise you’ve been asking for, then there is an increased possibility for you to reach your desired outcome. If this doesn’t do the trick, you may come up with another way to impress your boss — say, take up a task your boss has been asking you to do but you’ve been reluctant in doing or maybe just changing the format, that you were using in the email, requesting for a raise. In a nutshell, what is being implied is that if you exhibit flexibility in your ways of acquiring your goals, then you increase the probability of achieving success in comparison to you sticking with the same old ways that are clearly not yielding any results. Therapists Niche Law of Requisite variety is an NLP Presupposition that therapists can immensely benefit from. It is important for therapists to avoid being too rigid about techniques they use with their clients. At times therapists likes a particular approach and they kind of get married to it. The approach they want to follow becomes more important than the outcome that the client wants to achieve. No matter who the client is and what problem the client has, they are just interested in following that one approach irrespective of whether a client gets the result or not. A good example of this is past life regression. I know of therapists who only use this process for all the clients. It is important to remember that a particular approach will work for some clients, but no particular approach really works with all clients. The therapist needs to be flexible to choose different approaches and processes depending upon the client and the problem. Thus the rigidity should be about helping the client achieve the chosen outcome and flexibility about the therapist’s behaviour in terms of what approach and process is follow...
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  • Unlocking Success: Essential Steps in Counselling Explained | ICHARS
    May 18 2017
    Many counsellors and therapists that we mentor, frequently ask us about the steps in counselling or therapy that we follow with our clients. Most of these practitioners are looking for a framework that can provide them with a structure or step-by-step process that they can follow with their clients. So in this post, I am sharing the steps that we follow and recommend in counselling sessions. Since we follow an eclectic approach, these steps are also very useful for those exploring eclectic therapy. It is important to remember, therapy/counselling is very contextual and not everything mentioned can be applied as it is. Kindly use the steps suggested as a framework and make the necessary changes based on the requirements of the case. Comprehensive framework for counselling and therapy The key to having a good framework is that it needs to give us a sense of direction and yet be flexible to accommodate the uniqueness of clients experiences. It needs to be eclectic and should include solutions to possible hurdles that a counsellor or a therapist may face while working with a client. Recommended Steps in Counselling Building Rapport: The basics: Dressing, Clinic Space, Cleanliness... Initial chit chat Getting and maintaining the state of Empathy (good to have this state anchored) Pacing & Leading (body language, tonality and choice of words) Client information sheet Defining the problemS from SOFT SEA - Coaching Model* Behaviour Emotions Triggers In case the client is not able to define the problem clearly, one of the steps in counselling will be to use meta model questions or abstract metaphors to assist the client. Reframing Problem:Use Content or context reframing - (NLP Meta Model) Identifying the Outcome & Defining Future:O & F from SOFT SEA - Coaching Model Sensory specific Behaviours Emotions or State Required Skills If the client is not able to describe the outcome, use transformational metaphor process to assist the client. Task list or Plan of Action:T from SOFT SEA - Coaching Model.If the client is not able to describe any conscious steps, use the revelation, introspection or transformational metaphor process to assist the client. Finding the motivation which will drive the client towards the solution:(NLP Core State can be used) Getting a deeper understanding of the problem Undesired emotion attached to the problem (Interview) Any thought pattern or image (strategy) that is stuck in the clients mind. (T.O.T.E, Submodalities) Identify the root cause if required (Corrective therapy, EET, SVIT™, Void...) Is there something that the client can learn from the problem (Regression, Meta Model, Perceptual Position, Levels of transformation, Paris Window, Revelation Metaphor….) Identifying Positive intention or Secondary gain (Unconscious Talk, Meta Model) Past experiences leading to patterns (Interview, Meta Model, Regression) Creating Change / Resolving Problem Inducing a trance Helping clients let go of –ve emotions (hypnodrama, balloon, regression therapy, EET, metaphor…..) Alternate behaviours to fulfil positive intention or secondary gain (N-step reframing, parts integration, Cognitive interview, levels of transformation) Changing unresourceful strategies or patterns (Chain anchors, Fast phobia, submodalities…….) Developing required skills (Anchoring, Future pacing & real life practice) Application of skills towards desired behaviour / (s) to apply the learning’s or to achieve secondary gain contextually (Anchoring, Future pacing & real life practice) Review & Follow upSteps in counselling will be incomplete without review and followup. Review and follow up happens at the start of each session. At the end of each session the client is also given some homework which may include: Maintaining thought dairy Certain behavioural experiments Self Suggestions Listening to Recording
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  • NLP Perceptual Positions: Gain Insights and Resolve Conflicts Effectively
    May 17 2017
    In this article we look at the NLP technique of Perceptual Position and how it can help us resolve conflicts and negotiate more effectively by understanding other people and situations better. In one of our previous articles, we have discussed how People function as per their Maps. Since different people can have different maps, the problem arises when people do not understand other's maps. When an event takes place and is of a very high intensity; it gets etched in our memories. If the event is positive, having a strong recall of the same feels good. But, when it is not a pleasant one, it can create some complications and disturbances. What makes it worse is that we don't understand the reasons behind the behaviours of others in that particular situation. We are not able to see / understand the situation from their point of view. This is exactly where NLP process - Perceptual Positions becomes handy. What is Perceptual Position in NLP? The NLP Perceptual Position is a simple technique that enables you to see the other person’s point of view; to gain greater understanding of the other person’s perspective of a certain situation. Understanding the situation from the point of view of other's not only helps in letting go of the negative emotions associated with the situation but also has a potential to provide powerful insights in terms of strategies to handle similar situations in the future more effectively. Using & Mastering the NLP perceptual positions process: Improves your understanding of other people. Enables you to think more flexibly and creatively. Provides an opportunity to stand back and consider issues dispassionately Helps you appreciate the influence of your verbal and non-verbal behaviour on others, and the influence of their behaviour on you. Exploring your performance Planning Dealing with conflict Creating empathy Stepping back from challenging situations Being your own coach Learning new things NLP Perceptual Position Process: Pick an event or episode or conversation that went wrong or different from what you would have liked Close you eyes, observe your breath and allow yourself to relax or center yourself Recollect that event or episode or conversation Step into your body and go through the entire episode. (First Position): seeing, hearing and feeling the situation through your own eyes, ears and feelings. Replicate the exact episode as far as possible. Step out of your body and step into the 2nd person’s body. (Second Position): stepping into the shoes of the other person and experiencing (seeing, hearing and feeling) the situation as if you were them. You think in terms of how this  would appear or be interpreted by the other person. Float out of your body and observe the conversation standing back from a situation and experiencing it as if you were a detached observer. (Third Position): In your mind, you are able to see and hear yourself and the other person, as if you were a third person. Get an objective understanding of the situation and also the knowledge of how you could have acted differently. (since you cannot change the other persons behaviour) Float back into your body and make the necessary changes and then perform again Float out, see it from an outsiders perspective again (repeat previous step till you get the desired outcome). Note: It is important to carry these steps of NLP Perceptual Positions under a trained professional if you are new to the process. This is to ensure that you get desirable results. If you are a coach or a trainer and would like to learn to use perceptual positions and other techniques from Hypnosis, NLP and Mindfulness more effective, you would love the Cognitive Hypnotic Coaching™ Program. On the other hand if you are a psychologist who would like to develop advanced therapeutic skills with the help of these modalities and even more,
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  • Happy Relationships: Essential Tips for Thriving Partnerships – Complete Guide
    May 17 2017
    Falling in love is the easy part. Sustaining, nurturing, creating and maintaining a relationship in which love cannot just survive but thrive; that's what creating extraordinary relationships is all about. The first step towards creating happy relationships is to re-look at our understanding of what is relationship. Relationships are like business transactions, wherein giving and receiving needs to be balanced to sustain harmony. The moment it goes off balance; issues surface. Honestly, it is impossible to maintain a steady count on your relationship balance 24x7. There will be times where knowingly unknowingly, problems will arise. For a couple to not have any issues in their relationship is a concept which does not exist; not in the long term at least. After all they are two different individuals with different likes, dislikes, strengths, weakness among other things. So, it is fair to say that even the most successful and happy relationships go through stormy circumstances and their shares of ups and downs, isn't it? A simple and short answer to this is. YES! However, they are still called happy relationships because the partners put efforts, engage in team work, agree to disagree respectfully (when required) which allows them to not only sail through the tough tides relatively comfortably but also create a melodious harmony in relationships which can only happen when the cords are attuned to play in sync. In order to understand how one can create this harmony, let us take a look at the key ingredients of a happy relationships. Key ingredients / Tips for Happy Relationships Goals: For a relationship to succeed it is essential that both the partners understand that they may have different goals. As far as possible they can work with their personal goals in collaboration with one another. If partners live in completely different worlds (which we do most of the times) and refuse to see or understand the other persons world; we are digging our own grave. Communication: This is to an extent an extension of the previous ingredient. Communicating (actually effectively communicating) our goals, likes, dislikes…serves the purpose of a primary building block to our castle called relationship.To make communication easy, understanding concepts like Suggestibility, Sexuality and 5 Love Languages can be extremely useful. These concepts bring a lot of insight and add to our understanding of ourselves as well as our partners. They act as helpful guidelines  enabling us to enhance the quality of our relationship. Suggestibility is how one receives and interprets information. This concept helps us understand factors that influence our understanding of a message and how can we deal with it. Sexuality is our output. All of us behave differently and have varied preferences. Multiple reasons behind certain traits and questions about relationships get answered here. 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is an incredible contribution to the understanding of relationships! This is a must read for anyone who is interested to get a hang on ways of expressing love and how people generally misunderstand each other. This book talks about how we fail to grasp that the other partner is actually expressing love because they are expressing love using a love language that is different from ours. Representation system: Visual (V), Auditory (A), Kinaesthetic (K), gustatory (G) and Olfactory (O) are the five primary sensory modalities that we use to experience the world around us. These modalities are also known as representational systems (rep systems) as they are the primary ways we represent, code, store and give meaning or language (linguistic) to our experiences. Most of us prefer receiving information more through some senses as compared to other.Differences in the way we use these representation system during a conversation with our partner can influence the (lack of) effectiveness of communication.
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  • People Respond as per their maps? – NLP Presupposition
    May 17 2017
    In one of the previous posts we discussed how map is not equal to territory. In this post we would explore how people respond as per their maps and not as per the reality. Let us begin this post with some imagination. It is okay if you find it difficult to do so, but give it a shot and think about it. Scene 1: Person A and Person B meet each other for the first time in a class and end up having a huge fight. People had to literally pull them apart to prevent them from doing bodily harm to each other. For the next few months they have not seen each other after the class. But then one day they happen to bump into each other after 2-3 months while crossing road. What do you think the reactions would be like? Even if there is no external reaction, wouldn’t there be an internal sense of discomfort which will unconsciously be reflected in the body language, expressions…. At least for most of us? Scene 2: Person A and Person B meet each other for the first time in a class and end up becoming very good friends. But due to busy schedules are not able to catch up with each other for a couple of months. Then one day while walking on a road, they bump in to each other. What do you think their reactions would be? It would probably be something like, Hi! How have you been? There would be a sense of excitement, happiness and comfort. They would try to catch up with what each of us have been doing in the last few months, wouldn’t they? Scene 3: Person A and Person B have never met before. They have just crossed each other's path on the road. How would they react this time? Neutral? No reaction per se; or maybe a courteous smile? Right? Now in which of the scenario was the response while crossing each other on the road only based on the present? Only scene 3 where Person A and B did not know each other. In the first & the second scenario, their responses were based on the past experience that they had with each other. The reactions were not based on what was happening in the present. People respond as per their Maps The way our mind works is, when we come across something or someone, the mind checks the existing map (information) for past experiences. If there is a past experience it gets triggered. Many a times, the trigger may not be directly in sync with that particular person or situation. For example, you may hear a person's voice for the first time and feel irritated. Now, you do not know why this is happening. This may not necessarily be because of what that person is saying but because that individual's voice may have reminded you of someone else whom you probably don’t like. Thus, this current person's voice becomes a trigger for your irritation. This is completely unconscious, which is why many a times people have no apparent reasons for liking or disliking someone. Once the past experience is triggered it influences our emotional and physical state, which in turn influences our response i.e. our behaviour. In short we respond as per our map (perception) and not as per the reality! Self Fulfilling Prophecy Taking it a step forward, our final results are a result of the behaviours that we engage in consistently over a period of time. In most cases our results will either be in sync with our generalizations (beliefs) or we will distort them to bring them in sync with our generalizations. This is what is called a self-fulfilling prophecy Different People Different Maps Different Responses Since people respond in accordance to the map of the world they have in their minds and different people have different maps of the same world, we at times find it difficult to understand a person’s behaviour in a particular situation. For example, this was at a friend's birthday party where another friend goes and tells the host (the birthday girl) 'you are so boring; you have called people at 7 pm! Adults start parties post 9 pm'.
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  • Understanding the Defense Mechanism of Intellectualization in Psychology
    Mar 14 2017
    Intellectualization is a defense mechanism that many individuals employ to cope with challenging situations. In this article, we will delve into the concept of intellectualization, its purpose, potential problems associated with over-reliance on this defense mechanism, and how therapists can effectively guide clients through it. We will also explore a real-life case study to illustrate the impact of the defense mechanism of intellectualization on emotional expression. Intellectualization: Case Study Doctor: I’m sorry to inform you that you’ve got lung cancer. Patient: Okay. So what kinds of medications in this case are likely to increase the survival rates? Doctor: There are a few pills I’ll be putting you on. I understand if this has come to you as a shock and you’re upset… Patient: Thank you! I would like to know if I will be put on chemotherapy. What are the side effects of this treatment? Doctor: No, we can’t say if chemotherapy will be required as of yet. However, it does bring about a few physiological changes. If you would like to inform your family and friends… Patient: Sure. What is the general trend of expenditure in the course of this treatment? It would be only appropriate to have a word with my insurance company. Do you notice something out of ordinary here? Isn't this reaction unexpected? Wouldn't you expect some element of shock or sadness instead of the patient’s apparent poker face expression to the news of his cancer? Is it possible that the patient is using 'thinking to avoid feeling? ' In psychology, this behaviour pattern is referred to as intellectualization. What is the defense mechanism of intellectualization? Intellectualization, as per Freudian psychology, involves immersing oneself deeply in the rational aspects of a situation while consciously disregarding the emotional dimension. It acts as a shield against overwhelming emotions, allowing individuals to analyze distressing events with a clinical detachment. Another example would be that of a college going student who loses her father but is extensively involved in the funerary procedures without shedding a drop of tear. Instead of being shattered by imagining a life without her Daddy, the 17 year-old worries about getting the right venue for her father’s post-funeral gathering. How Defense mechanism of intellectualization helps? The conscious analysis of a devastating event helps people to emotionally distance themselves from the anxiety-provoking stimuli. Coming back to the above story, notice the words being used by the patient... Survival rates, Chemotherapy, Side effects, Expenditure, Insurance. These individuals deliberately select such intricate words as a strategic choice. The complexity in language serves to advance their objective of adopting a detached and clinical demeanor, effectively mitigating the accumulating stress they might be experiencing. Rationalization & Intellectualization People at times incorrectly use the words rationalization and intellectualization interchangeably. Rationalization is unconscious justification of unrealistic thoughts and consequent actions. While during intellectualization, the person is consciously aware of the situation but simply become "emotionally away", unconsciously keeping their feelings at bay. They neither live in denial nor do they try and justify that whatever has happened to them makes sense at some level. It’s like cutting a piece of cake and saving it separately. At most times the person is not even aware of this chunk lying in the fridge as he / she is focused on the distribution of the rest. It is however important for one to eat his/her cake in time or else it might rot. In other words, it is imperative to deal with the suppressed emotions before they can become too dangerous, interfere with our well-being and cause a breakdown.
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  • What is Catharsis and Why Catharsis Is Not Enough?
    Mar 14 2017
    In this article, we'll delve into the intricate concept of catharsis, exploring why it holds significance and, more importantly, why it often falls short in addressing emotional turmoil. Many of us have experienced those challenging days when despair, depression, and helplessness seem to envelop us, leaving us yearning for an emotional release. In our quest for inner peace, we often turn to what psychologists call "catharsis." What is catharsis? Catharsis, as ancient as the Greek philosophers, finds its roots in Aristotle's time. It's a term that simply means "the process of releasing strong or repressed emotions." In layman's terms, it's the act of venting out pent-up emotions, a natural response to the accumulation of feelings such as anger, sadness, jealousy, hatred, or guilt." And how do we do that? How do we release our emotions? Natural process of venting out Emotions that accumulate within us over time, causing distress, naturally seek an outlet. When we haven't learned constructive ways to express these emotions, they may eventually find expression in the form of an "outburst" once a certain threshold is crossed. Following this emotional release, we typically experience a sense of relief and lightness. This feeling of relief and lightness is significant as it can serve as a crucial step in our personal growth and progress in life. This is why catharsis, which involves controlled emotional release in a therapeutic environment, plays a vital role in many psychotherapeutic techniques. The Problem with Catharsis While catharsis can provide temporary relief by releasing pent-up emotions, it often fails to address the root issues, making it an imperfect solution. For example, consider the act of breaking objects and shouting in frustration at a coworker. This not only leads to material loss but also hinders the potential for resolving the underlying issues with that coworker. More constructive ways of emotional release include engaging in various activities and creative arts, such as painting, sculpting, dancing, cooking, writing, exercising, or even allowing oneself to cry. While some of these forms of catharsis can be productive (history has shown that great art often arises from intense emotions), they may not offer long-term emotional health. The challenge lies in the fact that catharsis tends to address the symptom, helping individuals momentarily "free" themselves from negative emotions, without delving into the reasons behind those emotions. Consequently, the emotions continue to accumulate, and the need for catharsis resurfaces over time, potentially leading to a vicious cycle. One may become dependent on this technique as a way to feel good, albeit temporarily, ultimately creating a habit or dependency. In other words, catharsis may function like a painkiller, with its effectiveness diminishing over time or requiring increased use. This scenario is less than ideal, and it underscores the importance of seeking more comprehensive and lasting solutions for emotional well-being. If catharsis is not enough, then what is? The best way to help ourselves would then obviously require us to not only treat the symptom (to provide short term relief) but also the cause (to make this relief sustainable in the long run by reducing the chances of relapse). Catharsis, as we already know, can help with the symptom but how does one exactly identify the cause, let alone work with it? One way, that is self-reliant, of identifying cause is "introspection & giving yourself time (to know oneself, people & situations better). You can keep a journal of your emotions with details about when you felt them & what were the triggers that led to these emotions. You could also consider writing the actions that you can take to avoid the triggers or to develop the skills which will help you handle the triggers more effectively.
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  • Exploring the Power of Regression as a Defense Mechanism: A Comprehensive Guide
    Mar 14 2017
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbUyrw-hV5I Defense Mechanism of Regression: Case Study 11-years-old Raj had to relocate with his parents as his father received a job transfer. Distressed yet not in a position to oppose this happening, he dejectedly left behind his school and friends. Waking up with great reluctance on the first day of his new school, he finds himself wet in his bed. After quite a few repeated occurrences of the same incident, the parents got highly worried about their child’s well being, for they were completely unaware of the turmoil he was undergoing and in a way, so was he. Any therapist would claim that the little boy was regressing. What is the defense mechanism of Regression? Regression as a defense mechanism refers to unconsciously reverting back (in terms of thoughts, feelings, behaviours....) to an earlier stage of development. It is a defense mechanism that is used to deal with the current stressors of our lives. People usually regress when they find it difficult to address their issues in an age-appropriate manner or when they feel that they aren’t in a position to intervene at all. As in the case of Raj! Raj, a middle school-age child, started wetting his bed like an infant who hasn’t received any toilet training because he couldn’t bear the anxiety caused by relocation and separation from his peers. Another kind of regressive tendency often seen among children is thumb-sucking. Addressing the underlying unmet need in the child usually corrects the regressive behaviour. However, children aren’t the only ones susceptible to such behaviours. Regression in Adults: Case Study Raj grows up to be a typical 20-year-old who wishes to study abroad. He makes it to his desired college and begins a new life in a new apartment with new people to reside with. However, he finds it difficult to sleep at night and soon shoots off an email to his parents requesting to send his childhood Teddy. Highly amused by this request, his parents choose to comply. Raj starts sleeping well cuddling with his Teddy. Regression often helps to meet short term benefits, e.g., sleep as in the case of our young man here. He copes with the apparent insecurity of his new lifestyle by extracting some sense of protection from his childhood source of safety: his Teddy. However, a problem arises when we become dependent on such defense mechanisms and refuse to learn from our new experiences. So instead of adapting to his new friends and environment by socializing and knowing his way around, if Raj decides to meet his security needs by reverting to an early psychological stage (sleeping with his Teddy) that provides immediate soothing, Raj is exhibiting the defense mechanism of regression. Usually, the mindset behind such exhibits is to unconsciously receive the nurturance and reassurance provided by an adult authority figure that took care of all your hardships faced in childhood. Now Raj, a 35-year-old, takes up a job and lives with his wife. His boss, an old yet sharp man with greying hair, usually criticizes his work and never shows a sense of appreciation. Unable to take this daily dose of censure and the following pen-chewing sessions anymore, Raj goes back home, curls into a ball of mess and starts crying—rocking back and forth as a baby cradled in his mother’s arms. Does his crying like that seem out of the ordinary? Indeed it does! That is because our fully grown adult version of Raj is yet again regressing. Regression takes place among adults facing unresolved frustration. Resorting to such behaviours as pen chewing is indicative of ‘fixation’ that occurs at a particular point in childhood where our desires have not been gratified or maybe in some cases- over gratified. These disturbances in the normal course of development, in Freudian psychology, become your safe haven to which you return every time you find yourself in a pos...
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