In Episode 309, Mark & Steve address a PBSE listener's questions about "Integrity abuse," which is a relational pattern where one partner chronically violates core commitments—honesty, transparency, fidelity, emotional responsibility, and safety—through secrecy, deceit, manipulation, and strategic omission. Unlike overt emotional or verbal abuse, integrity abuse often operates quietly, making it harder to recognize and name. It creates a manufactured version of reality in which the betrayed partner unknowingly lives while the addict maintains a separate, hidden world of acting out. Although integrity abuse frequently accompanies addiction, it is distinct from addiction and stems from repeated choices to conceal, distort, and protect a double life.

These behaviors—gaslighting, compartmentalization, minimization, rewriting history, exploiting trust, and creating a false sense of safety—form an entire system designed to avoid accountability while keeping the partner emotionally invested and off-balance. This system is often maintained for years, leading the partner to doubt her instincts, question her sanity, and internalize the blame for relational confusion she cannot fully understand. The manipulation is so subtle and sustained that partners often sense something is wrong long before they have language for it, but they are repeatedly led to believe the problem lies within themselves.

When the truth is finally revealed, the impact on the partner is profound: identity collapse, reality collapse, hypervigilance, panic, sexual shutdown, emotional isolation, and deep attachment injury. She realizes she has not only been betrayed but has been living inside a fabricated version of her relationship. Naming integrity abuse gives betrayed partners validation and helps addicts grasp the full extent of the harm caused—not just through acting out, but through the systemic erosion of safety and truth. This clarity becomes the foundation for authentic recovery, real accountability, and the rebuilding of trust based on transparency rather than illusion.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: What is "Integrity Abuse" and How does it Impact the Betrayed Partner?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

This episode (#308) focuses on a partner whose body has completely shut down sexually after decades of betrayal, manipulation, and sexual violation—including being touched while unconscious. We explain how her body has not suddenly changed since disclosure; it has been adapting for years to a marriage that was unsafe long before she understood why. This long-term exposure to deception and boundary-breaking creates what we call “complex trauma shaping,” where the nervous system rewires itself to avoid sexual intimacy because it associates vulnerability with danger.

We also dive deeply into the concept of Integrity Abuse Disorder and how the husband’s years of secrecy, gaslighting, and emotional inconsistency created an “intentionally manipulated reality” for his wife. Even though he may now be in recovery, his emotional reactions—his “sad tantrums”—trigger her old trauma and reinforce the message that he values sexual access more than her emotional safety. This dynamic retraumatizes her and deepens her shutdown, proving to her body that intimacy remains unsafe.

Healing requires him to take responsibility for the full impact of his actions by engaging in what Dr. Minwalla calls “mountain work”—seeing the complete devastation the betrayal caused. Only then can he show up with true empathy, accountability, and emotional regulation. For her, healing means continuing to listen to her body, honoring its wisdom, and working with professionals to slowly rebuild safety. When both partners engage in this work, intimacy can eventually be rebuilt—not through pressure or obligation, but through genuine safety, trust, and connection.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Why My Body Shuts Down: Understanding Sexual Trauma Responses After Years of Betrayal

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

In PBSE Episode 303, Mark and Steve respond to a betrayed partner's questions about what real accountability looks like for a recovering porn/sex addict. Real accountability in porn and sex addiction recovery is far more than saying “I’m sorry.” It’s a deep, ongoing process of taking full ownership of one’s actions, beginning with radical honesty toward oneself and others. Addicts must stop minimizing, rationalizing, or blaming others, and instead acknowledge the full scope of their behavior and its impact. Accountability also means recognizing that a betrayed partner should never be the primary support system. Building and actively engaging with a recovery network — including 12-step groups, sponsors, therapists, and accountability partners — is non-negotiable for sustained change.

Another critical element of accountability is proactive communication and planning. Addicts must not only do the work but also share it, keeping their partners informed through transparent conversations and consistent updates. They need to anticipate triggering situations, create strategies for managing them, and follow through with deliberate, measurable actions. Empathy plays a pivotal role here — not as self-pity or shared misery, but as a sincere effort to understand and sit with the pain their actions have caused. This emotional ownership helps rebuild trust and fosters deeper connection.

Finally, accountability must be consistent. Trust is not restored by one grand gesture but by countless small choices made faithfully over time. Partners, too, can support healing by practicing boundaried empathy — seeking to understand without excusing harmful behavior. Together, honesty, empathy, proactive planning, and unwavering consistency create the conditions for real recovery and a stronger, more authentic relationship. Accountability, at its core, is love in action — the daily choice to show up differently and to earn trust again, one step at a time.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: What does ACTUAL Accountability look like for a Porn/Sex Addict in REAL Recovery?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services