In episode 307, Mark & Steve respond to an all-too-common history and situation submitted by a betrayed partner. Healthy sexual intimacy after betrayal cannot simply return to what it once was; it must be rebuilt on a new foundation of authenticity and safety. Because pornography shapes the brain and rewires arousal patterns, couples often find themselves questioning what’s real, what’s healthy, and whether desire is rooted in connection or in old fantasy. Many partners struggle to trust, and many addicts struggle to trust themselves, creating a complex emotional landscape that must be navigated with care. This healing begins by evaluating intention and headspace—asking not what partners want to do sexually, but why they want to do it and what meaning it carries.

From there, intimacy must be rebuilt through trust and transparency. Couples need to be able to talk openly about sexual preferences, fears, boundaries, and emotional needs before engaging physically. Silence or lack of objection is not consent; safety must be mutual, expressed, and explicit. Boundaries should be set outside of arousal states, and couples may need to slow down significantly—sometimes even stepping back to basics like hand-holding or non-sexual touch—while they rebuild a foundation that can hold the weight of deeper connection.

Ultimately, recovering sexual intimacy after sexual toxicity is an evolving journey, not an achievement. It requires vulnerability, patience, and willingness to explore together rather than perform or comply. When couples move intentionally through this process—anchoring their sexuality in meaning, emotional presence, collaboration, and shared values—they often find themselves creating a sexual connection that is deeper and healthier than anything they experienced before recovery.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: How Do We Discover/Recover Healthy Sexual Intimacy After Sexual Toxicity and Betrayal?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

This episode (#306) addresses a common but painful question from betrayed partners: “Is my spouse a narcissist, or just showing narcissistic tendencies?” Mark and Steve explain that while the term “narcissist” has become a cultural buzzword, true narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is rare and defined by a complete absence of empathy. In contrast, addicts in denial often appear narcissistic because they’re reacting defensively from fear and shame. Their hurtful behaviors—blame-shifting, gaslighting, and emotional withdrawal—mimic narcissism but stem from self-protection, not superiority.

The hosts emphasize that what matters most isn’t the label but the destination. Whether the issue is narcissism, addiction, or emotional immaturity, the key question is: Where is this relationship heading if nothing changes? The described situation clearly reflects an abuse cycle—one fueled by denial, volatility, and manipulation. For the addict, breaking that cycle means pausing reactivity, taking full ownership, and seeking specialized recovery help rather than generic therapy. True healing begins only when defensiveness gives way to empathy and accountability.

For the betrayed partner, safety and support come first. Isolation only deepens the trauma, so finding community through trusted friends, family, or support groups like S-Anon and SALifeline is essential. She must set firm boundaries and remember that protecting her partner from consequences is not the same as loving him. The episode closes with practical resources—including books like The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents—and a hopeful reminder that even deeply wounded couples can rebuild when they both commit to truth, humility, and genuine change.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Is My Partner a "Narcissist" of does he just have Narcissistic Tendencies?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

This episode (#305) opens with a raw letter from a betrayed partner who discovered her husband had been using social media photos of women they both knew—friends, clients, even family—to fuel his sexual fantasies. Her anguish—“How could he ever love me if he could do this?”—captures the emotional devastation of betrayal trauma. We discuss how porn and sex addiction warp the brain’s functioning, turning sexual stimulation into a survival need. When addiction takes over the limbic brain, logic, empathy, and morality shut down, producing behavior that makes no sense to the healthy mind.

For betrayed partners, healing begins not with fixing him, but with caring for themselves. That means seeking outside support, reframing “How do I get over this?” into “How do I attend to my trauma?” and embracing acceptance—not as approval, but as facing reality so they can make empowered choices. From there, the partner can form clear, self-protective boundaries based on her authentic needs. Boundaries aren’t about controlling the addict—they’re about safeguarding one’s own integrity and safety.

For addicts, true recovery demands brutal honesty and a willingness to dismantle the lies that keep them in the “secret sexual basement.” They must uncover the emotional roots of their addiction, stop reacting defensively, and take proactive leadership in rebuilding trust. Healing requires outside accountability, transparency, and a daily commitment to growth. Ultimately, both partners must walk their own journeys—she toward safety and truth, he toward honesty and maturity. Whether they reunite or not, redemption is possible when both confront reality with courage, humility, and integrity.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: My Porn Addicted Partner uses photos of Family & Friends to Fantasize! What Do I Do?!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services