Hey Doc,

I spent most of my career as an OB/GYN saying, “Pregnancy is not a disability.”

I believed it.

Then I had my second baby.

That pregnancy gave me a very different understanding of what it means when someone says, “I can’t do this anymore.”

I had pain that made walking excruciating. I stopped working at 30 weeks, six weeks earlier than I had with my first pregnancy. And I finally understood something I wish I had understood more deeply for my patients:

Sometimes pregnancy really can be disabling.

And for women physicians, admitting that can be especially difficult.

We’ve been trained to push through discomfort, show up no matter what, and make sure our personal lives don’t inconvenience the system. Add the pressure of not wanting your pregnancy to create more work for your colleagues, and suddenly you’re negotiating with a body that is very clearly telling you to sit your ass down.

In this episode, I’m talking about why your capacity during pregnancy may look completely different from what you expected, including what you were capable of during a previous pregnancy.

I’m also getting into the bigger issue: the culture of medicine that treats pregnancy like an individual scheduling inconvenience instead of a normal part of life that institutions should be prepared to accommodate.

Because you should not have to prove your dedication to medicine by pushing your pregnant body beyond what it can safely do.

Your colleagues will figure it out.

The schedule will get covered.

The department will survive.

And when you’re the colleague, partner, or leader making decisions that affect another pregnant physician, you have an opportunity to help create a culture where she doesn’t have to choose between taking care of herself and proving that she belongs.

If you’re pregnant, considering another baby, working alongside pregnant physicians, or leading them, this episode is for you.

Listen to this episode of ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ and send it to a physician who needs to hear it.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

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Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc,

“You worked so hard for this.”

I still hear some version of that when people find out I stepped away from clinical medicine.

And yes. I did.

I worked hard to become an OB/GYN. I fought to become the surgeon I wanted to be. I sought out mentorship, built my skills, became someone other physicians could learn from, and eventually got exactly what I had been working toward.

And then my life changed.

My priorities changed.

I changed.

In this episode, I’m sharing part of a conversation I had with surgeon and coach Dr. Amy Vertrees on The Business of Surgery podcast. While I was telling her about my transition away from surgery, she said something that stopped me:

“Everything I did in the past is going to hold me hostage for the future.”

Whew.

Because that is exactly what so many of us do.

We look at the years of training. The sacrifices. The skill we worked ridiculously hard to develop. The salary. The expectations attached to being a physician. And instead of allowing all of that to be part of our story, we turn it into evidence that we have to keep living the same story.

For me, there were even more layers.

Was I betraying the version of myself who fought so hard to become an excellent surgeon?

Was I reinforcing stereotypes about women stepping back after having children?

Was I letting down the patients who specifically wanted a Black physician caring for them?

Those weren’t small questions. I had to work through every damn one of them.

Eventually, I realized that being excellent at something does not obligate me to do it forever.

And neither does being well compensated.

Because golden handcuffs are still handcuffs. Platinum ones too. 😂

In this episode, we talk about the identity crisis that can come with changing your career, why leaving something good can sometimes be harder than leaving something obviously toxic, and how I stopped making decisions based on who I used to be and started paying attention to the life I actually wanted now.

Your past self does not get to dictate the rest of your life.

She might actually look at you and say, “Damn, girl. Good for you.”

Listen to the episode and decide what you’re ready to stop letting your past decide for you.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Hey Doc,

You can stop breastfeeding.

You can stop pumping.

You can know all of the benefits, have enough milk, have a baby who breastfeeds well, and still decide:

I don’t want to do this anymore.

I know that can be an especially complicated decision when you’re a physician.

We know the evidence. We know the recommendations. We know exactly what we’re “supposed” to do.

And when you’re already spending hours away from your baby because of work, breastfeeding can become the thing.

At least I can do this for her.

That was part of my experience with my daughter.

I was making enough milk, but barely. If I didn’t drink enough water, missed a meal, or skipped a pumping session, my supply would drop and I’d spend the next few days trying to catch up.

Everything revolved around producing enough milk.

I made it eight months.

I wanted to make it a year.

And eventually I had to admit that breastfeeding was taking a significant toll on my mental health.

So I stopped.

And the relief was almost immediate.

In this episode, I’m sharing part of an older conversation from the Mom & Mind podcast because I know there is a physician mom somewhere who needs permission to make the decision that is right for her, her baby, and her family.

We talk about:

• How breastfeeding prolonged my postpartum anxiety
• Why pumping felt like its own special form of torture 😂
• The additional pressure physician moms can put on themselves because we know the benefits of breastfeeding
• Why breastfeeding and mental health deserve a much more nuanced conversation
• The guilt that can come with stopping even when you know it’s the right decision
• Why unsolicited advice to “just keep going” can make a struggling mom feel even worse
• How to support another mom without immediately trying to fix her problem

Because sometimes she doesn’t need another suggestion for increasing her supply.

She doesn’t need another supplement, pumping schedule, lactation consultant, or “Have you tried…?”

She might need you to listen.

She might need you to tell her she’s not a bad mom.

She might need someone to say, “It’s okay to stop.”

And if you don’t know what she needs, there is a very simple way to find out:

Ask her.

“What do you need from me right now?”

That question goes far beyond breastfeeding. I use it in my marriage. I use it with my clients. And it can completely change the way we support the people we love.

So if breastfeeding is working beautifully for you, wonderful.

If you love it, wonderful.

And if breastfeeding is making you miserable and you desperately want someone to tell you that you’re allowed to stop:

Doc, you can stop.

You don’t have to suffer to prove that you’re a good mother.

Listen to the episode, and please send this one to the physician mom who needs to hear it.

What did you think of the episode, doc? Let me know!

Subscribe to ✨Stethoscopes and Strollers✨ on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me: Website | Instagram | Facebook

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you are going through a transition -- becoming a parent, leaving a job, figuring out how manage it all, schedule a strategy coaching session and get clarity and strategic next steps for the life and career you want.

Strategy Coaching Session with Dr. Toya