In this episode, Ellen Hendriksen discusses the hidden costs of perfectionism and why you never feel good enough. She shares the various ways perfectionism disguises itself as a positive trait—when in reality, it can lead to self-criticism, procrastination, and emotional exhaustion. Ellen also explains why perfectionism is less about being perfect and more about never feeling good enough, how self-acceptance is the antidote, and why procrastination is actually an emotional regulation problem (not a time management issue).

Key Takeaways:

• (01:02) – Perfectionism isn’t about being perfect—it’s about never feeling good enough
• (03:26) – The two wolves of perfectionism: Conscientiousness vs. Self-Criticism
• (07:36) – Overevaluation: When self-worth gets tangled with performance
• (16:57) – Guided Drift: Mr. Rogers’ surprising philosophy on perfection and mistakes
• (26:51) – The power of self-compassion: You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy
• (39:40) – Emotional Perfectionism: The toxic belief that you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way
• (43:59) – Why procrastination is actually about emotion management—not time management
• (50:46) – How to release past mistakes and stop ruminating over failures

For full show notes, click here!

If you enjoyed this episode with Ellen Hendriksen, check out these other episodes:

How to Overcome Perfectionism and Create Your Best Work with David Kadavy

How to Manage Social Anxiety and The Inner Critic with Ellen Hendriksen

Being a Procrastinator with Tim Pychyl

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In this episode, Arlina Allen explores the truth about 12-step programs and dives deep into the common misconceptions, barriers, and unexpected benefits. Arlina shares her personal journey from resistance to transformation, highlighting how reframing common challenges—like the language of “character defects” and the concept of powerlessness—can make the 12 steps a powerful tool for healing.

Key Takeaways:

• [01:06] – Why 12-Step Programs Are So Misunderstood

• [05:00] – Reframing the Good Wolf vs. Bad Wolf Parable

• [07:22] – The Problem with “Character Defects”

• [15:46] – The Illusion of Moderation: Can You Control Your Drinking?

• [25:14] – Why 12-Step Programs Get a Bad Reputation

• [28:46] – Rethinking the Role of God in Recovery

• [37:35] – Why Words Like “Alcoholic” Can Be Both Useful & Limiting

• [46:31] – The 12 Steps as a Structured Path to Change

• [50:49] – The 4th Step: Why Looking at Ourselves is So Hard

• [54:28] – Is AA a Cult? Debunking the Myth

For full show notes, click here!

How to Recover the Person You Were Meant to Be with Paul Churchill

A Journey to Sobriety with Laura Cathcart Robbins

How to Embrace Sobriety with Gillian Tietz

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In this episode, Jillian Turecki delves into relationships, the hidden relationship trap, and how negative narratives sabotage love. Jillian emphasizes the internal battle we face between positive and negative thoughts, likening our minds to battlefields. She highlights the importance of not believing every thought that crosses our minds and instead tuning into our hearts and instincts for a more fulfilling life.

Key Takeaways:

• [00:05:20] Relationship dynamics and interpretations.
• [00:12:17] Relationship resistance and patterns.
• [00:15:14] Responsibility in toxic relationships.
• [00:18:04] Taking responsibility for love life.
• [00:22:14] Relationship patterns and personal growth.
• [00:29:01] Accountability in relationships.
• [00:30:27] Truth as medicine in relationships.
• [00:39:08] Making peace with unhealthy habits.
• [00:44:26] Relationship accountability and needs.
• [00:50:22] Importance of genuine appreciation.
• [00:52:56] Relationship positivity ratio.
• [00:57:12] Emotional patterns in relationships.
• [01:04:38] Fear driving relationship behaviors.
• [01:05:58] Effective communication strategies.
• [01:10:56] Positive intent in relationships.
• [01:16:36] Healing from heartbreak.

For full show notes, click here!

If you enjoyed this conversation, check out these other episodes:

How to Make Great Relationships with Dr. Rick Hanson

Dr. Sue Johnson on Navigating Romantic Relationships

Cindy Stulberg on Relationships

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In this episode, Corey Keyes explores the concept of languishing vs. flourishing and how to feel alive again He delves into the often-overlooked emotional state that exists between mental illness and thriving and discusses how many of us can feel worn down by life and stuck in a gray zone of stagnation. Corey shares his insights on the importance of mindset and how changing the way we think about our daily tasks can lead us to a more fulfilling life. The discussion touches on the critical aspects of purpose, connection, and vitality, offering listeners strategies to move from languishing to flourishing.

Key Takeaways:

• 00:05:29 – The Role of Positive Psychology and Mental Health
• 00:06:46 – Corey’s Background and the Successful Aging Research Network
• 00:08:08 – The Purpose of Positive Psychology and Addressing Languishing
• 00:09:25 – Flourishing Despite Mental Health Conditions
• 00:10:08 – The Relationship Between Flourishing and Mental Illness
• 00:12:49 – The Challenge of Defining Recovery in Addiction and Mental Health
• 00:14:02 – The Lack of Peer Support Groups for Depression
• 00:15:05 – The Role of Experts in Mental Health
• 00:16:15 – The Difference Between Sharing with Experts and Peer Support
• 00:17:07 – The Importance of Having a Clear Program in Support Groups
• 00:18:04 – The Need for a New Approach to Mental Health Support Programs
• 00:19:01 – Defining Languishing and Its Distinction from Depression
• 00:20:36 – The Overlap Between Languishing and Depression
• 00:22:29 – The Impact of Languishing on Mental Health
• 00:23:39 – Personal Reflections on Eliminating Suffering and Seeking Joy
• 00:25:04 – The Challenge of Recalibrating After Addiction
• 00:25:58 – The Importance of Functioning Well
• 00:28:05 – The Nuances of Feeling Good vs. Functioning Well
• 00:30:09 – The Difference Between Satisfaction and Momentary Feelings
• 00:31:04 – The Role of Storytelling in Perceived Well-Being
• 00:32:49 – The Importance of Meaning and Values Over Mood
• 00:33:59 – Allowing Self-Assessment in Measuring Well-Being
• 00:35:53 – The Criteria for Flourishing and Languishing
• 00:37:08 – Encouraging Reflection and Integration for Listeners
• 00:38:18 – The Importance of Functioning Well in Achieving Flourishing
• 00:40:28 – The Difficulty of Achieving Social Well-Being
• 00:41:10 – The Five Vitamins of Flourishing
• 00:42:01 – Integrating Flourishing Activities into Daily Life
• 00:45:05 – The Importance of Mindset in Achieving Flourishing
• 00:47:09 – Research on Mindsets and Practical Applications

For full show notes, click here!

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In this episode, Dr. Ethan Kross discusses how to shift your emotions and move from chaos to clarity. Ethan delves into the complexities of emotions, challenging traditional views that label them as obstacles to overcome. Instead, he presents a fresh perspective, suggesting that emotions can be valuable tools when understood and managed effectively. This conversation explores how our thoughts often skew towards negativity and how conscious effort is required to cultivate a fulfilling life.

Key Takeaways:

• 00:02:30 – Introduction to Dr. Ethan Kross and His Work
• 00:03:30 – The Parable of the Two Wolves
• 00:05:22 – Emotions as Valuable Companions
• 00:06:07 – The Complexity of Emotions
• 00:07:51 – No One-Size-Fits-All Solutions
• 00:10:21 – The Metaphor of Physical Fitness
• 00:12:25 – Variability in Emotional Tools
• 00:13:34 – The Complexity of Human Emotions
• 00:16:35 – The Control of Emotions
• 00:18:43 – The Serenity Prayer and Emotional Control
• 00:27:00 – The Role of Self-Experimentation
• 00:30:34 – Tools for Shifting Emotions
• 00:31:00 – Attention as a Tool
• 00:34:28 – The Role of Avoidance and Approach
• 00:38:12 – Perspective Shifting
• 00:44:11 – Shifting Your Environment
• 00:48:07 – Using Environmental Cues for Emotional Regulation

For full show notes, click here!

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In this episode, Terri Cole discusses how to break the people-pleasing cycle and set healthy boundaries. She explores the fine line between kindness and people- pleasing and how sometimes, what feels like generosity might actually be an attempt to control someone else’s reaction or avoid conflict altogether. Terri also explains why so many of us fall into this “peace at any cost” mentality and the toll it takes on us. She offers powerful tools to help us break free from that compulsion and get clear on what we’re really responsible for, and how to show up authentically in our relationships.

Key Takeaways:

• 00:03:03 – Tending to the Shadow Side
• 00:04:12 – Finding Balance: Reacting vs. Responding
• 00:06:06 – The Resentment Inventory
• 00:10:04 – Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings
• 00:11:14 – Understanding Activation and Transference
• 00:15:43 – The Impact of Past Relationships
• 00:19:01 – Defining High Functioning Codependency
• 00:20:15 – Characteristics of High Functioning Codependents
• 00:26:38 – The Importance of Mindful Habit Changes
• 00:27:32 – Distinguishing Kindness from Codependency
• 00:29:04 – Questions to Differentiate Responsibility
• 00:34:48 – The Role of Boundaries in Relationships
• 00:37:01 – The Challenge of Letting Go
• 00:40:28 – The Power of Asking the Right Questions
• 00:43:41 – Conclusion: The Balance of Giving and Receiving

For full show notes, click here!

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In this episode, Neil Pasricha explores the idea of unlocking every day awesome and how to find joy in the ordinary. Neil delves into the challenges of living in a mindset focused on problem-solving and the importance of recognizing the small joys in life. Neil emphasizes how appreciating simple pleasures—such as the sound of birds, the taste of coffee, or the feel of warm laundry—can help us break free from the cycle of constant task management. He shares practical tools for reclaiming our attention from distractions and encourages listeners to find happiness in the present moment.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding the importance of self-care in a world filled with distractions
• Being mindfully aware and finding small joys to learn to appreciate the present moment
• Engaging in gratitude practices, like writing down specific moments of appreciation, to enhance well-being
• Embracing the role of new experiences to foster personal growth and learning
• Learning to shift focus from what we lack to what we have to shift perspective and cultivate a mindset of appreciation

For full show notes, click here!

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In this episode, Elizabeth Husserl discusses how to find joy in our relationship with money. She explores the roots of scarcity thinking and how it fuels discontent. Elizabeth also shares specific strategies for cultivating a mindset of enough and offers insights into redefining wealth beyond just money.

Key Takeaways:

• Embracing the power of "Enough" and how this concept can transform your financial mindset
• Understanding the scarcity mindset and how to shift from scarcity to abundance
• Discovering the benefits of a satiation journal and the impact of gratitude through this practice
• Building a healthy relationship with money Uncover the keys to fostering a positive and sustainable connection with money for a more fulfilling life
• Exploring the interconnected nature of human needs and how fulfilling them can lead to greater satisfaction and financial fulfillment

For full show notes, click here!

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