I took a public speaking class in college. I have to dig deep to not regret that experience. I had such tremendous anxiety that my voice and my face would shake. It was absolutely humiliating.

Fast forward to a reorg presentation at the company I worked for in my late 20’s and early 30’s. The executive displayed a presentation that showed Rachel Miller had been reassigned to the new internal training department. My first reaction was flattery that they thought I was smart enough and had the people skills to work that job. My second reaction was panic at the thought of standing in front of my peers. There was no way out. I was officially sentenced to an anxiety-riddled death.

Many people struggle with anxiety from public speaking. For me, that debilitating anxiety evolved in my active alcoholism to the point of shaking just getting my kids to the bus stop in the morning. My solution? A box of Vella Chardonnay wine poured over ice—poured over OJ in the morning. It was the only thing that worked, until a decade later things had progressively worsened. I eventually just stopped showing up to work because I had to drink all day.

I saw a video of a friend of mine public speaking the other day. She looked so confident and beautiful. She spoke of courage and faith. What I didn't expect was when she shared that the exploding anxiety inside of her at that moment was something no one in the audience could see. This is the perfect example of leaning in to fear and anxiety. That which once stopped us can begin to drive us forward and up when we are willing.

Fear and anxiety used to paralyze me. Today they are triggers for me to take action, to face the antagonist in my mind and prevail over her.

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