Greg kicks off the episode with a sigh of relief: "Life is good—no one’s spilled my bodily fluids over any parking lots." But that doesn't mean he’s not stirring up some suburban chaos.

First up, Greg embraces his new role as "trailer guy"—but vows never to be that trailer guy stranded on the roadside without a spare tire. Andy points out that some boat owners don’t even think to bring a spare, leading to Greg’s latest revelation: "If you can drop 200K on a boat, maybe spring for the extra tire."

Traffic woes continue as Greg finds himself stuck behind the worst kind of suburban drivers—the ones who create their own lanes. Instead of sitting idly by, he takes matters into his own hands, pulling his 4-Runner and utility trailer onto the shoulder to block them. Andy dubs it "setting a pick." Greg takes it a step further: "I did set a pick, but he rolled, and no one picked him up. So he drove to the hoop."

Meanwhile, Rosslyn Retreat still needs a theme song. Andy suggests recruiting Jimi Ryser. Greg envisions a motion-activated musical greeting—"except guests would think they were walking into a raid."

The duo then reminisces about a recording session with Flo & Eddie of The Turtles, where backing vocals weren’t the only thing getting smoked. Andy reveals the session ended with a stand full of roaches—prompting Greg to compare it to today’s potent morning commutes: "A Graphix Bong couldn’t even handle that!"

And finally, Greg recounts another lake house sibling saga—this time involving a kayak, winter storage, and the potential for petty revenge. Will he cut it into pieces and leave it in the bathroom? Or will a wind-up kayak in the toilet suffice?

To wrap it all up, they dive into a series of faking death fails—from a botched Indy plane crash to a televangelist’s tragic aviation misadventure. Because if you’re going to fake your death, maybe don’t do it in a way that could actually kill you.

Join Greg and Andy for another round of suburban absurdity, where traffic justice, family drama, and bizarre life choices all collide!

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Are you a Disney family? NO, was Greg’s answer. Disney apologists say, it’s not an amusement park. You’re right! It’s not amusing. The sidewalks are narrow, food is bad. The rides suck. Greg’s favorite part? Leaving. How did the kids feel? Grace liked the Mini ears. You can buy those online after going to an Amusement park.

Did you know Ruth’s Chris has a dress code?

If you were thinking about wearing “pool attire” think again as Andy found out when they arrived for dinner one night. He had to take to water wings back to the car.

What happens when an escape artist is frozen in a block of ice? They get him out by carving him into a bowl of fruit.

So many questions about the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame! First and foremost, How did the Bangles get in before Jimmy Buffet and Foreigner? Shiny objects win over quality. Judged on the body of work? Do you mean catalog or the other kind?

Jimmy Buffet sang about the sun and the surf and ironically did of skin cancer. That’s when Greg showed Andy a wound on his forearm. There’s some skin cancer now.

Greg, I showed the resident a pink place on my arm and he hit it with liquid nitrogen to the point I thought it was a test of pain tolerance. I ended up with a giant blister. Keely said, you need to get that looked at. I said, that’s what happens when you get it looked at. Later, it popped when she brushed against it. She got blister juice on her.

Say good night Gracie. I’ll take your freaky shit, but I draw the line at blister juice.

So many questions. So many funny answers on Season 3 Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs.

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In Season 2, Episode 53 of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy kicks things off with a pressing question: “What’s your favorite part of shopping at Costco?” Greg’s response? “Leaving!” It’s crowded, people block aisles chatting like they’re at a dinner party, and he’s convinced Prosecco on tap and a string quartet are next.

So, what did Greg actually buy? Milk, eggs, and… a natural gas generator. Andy chimes in with, “Some people eat lunch there. Hot dogs are a dollar! I’ll even grab snow tires while I’m at it.” Meanwhile, Keely and Grace turn grocery shopping into a mother-daughter date, savoring flavored coffee samples and bakery treats at Fresh Market—because apparently, it’s a trip to France without the plane ticket.

When Keely asks Greg about his childhood breakfast, he reveals it was grapefruit with sugar on top. “The citrus was healthy,” he explains, “but the sugar made me shake so much my second-grade teacher thought I was afraid of her.” Andy jokes, “Arm me with a hammer and feed me Sugar Smacks, and I could take down a concrete driveway!” Greg adds, “You could fell a 300-year-old oak with a serrated knife.”

Andy talks about sugary cereals being the only treat in his house growing up, likely because his parents didn’t know the sugar and chemicals were slowly killing them.

Keely, on the other hand, is the type to pop into Walmart Neighborhood Grocery for a single ingredient. “They make it sound all folksy, but it’s just a brainwashing tactic,” Greg says. “No one knows how to use the self-checkout, and half the people would kill you over a can of beans.”

Finally, Greg asks about Andy’s “fancy basement” (or as Andy corrects him, the “lower level”). Greg, ever the connoisseur, points out the connotation difference. Andy clarifies, “Aldi is the basement of groceries compared to Costco. The meat’s frozen, the brands are off, and you have to rent the shopping cart.”

We’re diving deep into grocery store culture in this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs.

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