Greg kicks off the episode with a sigh of relief: "Life is good—no one’s spilled my bodily fluids over any parking lots." But that doesn't mean he’s not stirring up some suburban chaos.

First up, Greg embraces his new role as "trailer guy"—but vows never to be that trailer guy stranded on the roadside without a spare tire. Andy points out that some boat owners don’t even think to bring a spare, leading to Greg’s latest revelation: "If you can drop 200K on a boat, maybe spring for the extra tire."

Traffic woes continue as Greg finds himself stuck behind the worst kind of suburban drivers—the ones who create their own lanes. Instead of sitting idly by, he takes matters into his own hands, pulling his 4-Runner and utility trailer onto the shoulder to block them. Andy dubs it "setting a pick." Greg takes it a step further: "I did set a pick, but he rolled, and no one picked him up. So he drove to the hoop."

Meanwhile, Rosslyn Retreat still needs a theme song. Andy suggests recruiting Jimi Ryser. Greg envisions a motion-activated musical greeting—"except guests would think they were walking into a raid."

The duo then reminisces about a recording session with Flo & Eddie of The Turtles, where backing vocals weren’t the only thing getting smoked. Andy reveals the session ended with a stand full of roaches—prompting Greg to compare it to today’s potent morning commutes: "A Graphix Bong couldn’t even handle that!"

And finally, Greg recounts another lake house sibling saga—this time involving a kayak, winter storage, and the potential for petty revenge. Will he cut it into pieces and leave it in the bathroom? Or will a wind-up kayak in the toilet suffice?

To wrap it all up, they dive into a series of faking death fails—from a botched Indy plane crash to a televangelist’s tragic aviation misadventure. Because if you’re going to fake your death, maybe don’t do it in a way that could actually kill you.

Join Greg and Andy for another round of suburban absurdity, where traffic justice, family drama, and bizarre life choices all collide!

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Are you a Disney family? NO, was Greg’s answer. Disney apologists say, it’s not an amusement park. You’re right! It’s not amusing. The sidewalks are narrow, food is bad. The rides suck. Greg’s favorite part? Leaving. How did the kids feel? Grace liked the Mini ears. You can buy those online after going to an Amusement park.

Did you know Ruth’s Chris has a dress code?

If you were thinking about wearing “pool attire” think again as Andy found out when they arrived for dinner one night. He had to take to water wings back to the car.

What happens when an escape artist is frozen in a block of ice? They get him out by carving him into a bowl of fruit.

So many questions about the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame! First and foremost, How did the Bangles get in before Jimmy Buffet and Foreigner? Shiny objects win over quality. Judged on the body of work? Do you mean catalog or the other kind?

Jimmy Buffet sang about the sun and the surf and ironically did of skin cancer. That’s when Greg showed Andy a wound on his forearm. There’s some skin cancer now.

Greg, I showed the resident a pink place on my arm and he hit it with liquid nitrogen to the point I thought it was a test of pain tolerance. I ended up with a giant blister. Keely said, you need to get that looked at. I said, that’s what happens when you get it looked at. Later, it popped when she brushed against it. She got blister juice on her.

Say good night Gracie. I’ll take your freaky shit, but I draw the line at blister juice.

So many questions. So many funny answers on Season 3 Episode 54 of Welcome to the Suburbs.

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In Season 2, Episode 53 of Welcome to the Suburbs, Andy kicks things off with a pressing question: “What’s your favorite part of shopping at Costco?” Greg’s response? “Leaving!” It’s crowded, people block aisles chatting like they’re at a dinner party, and he’s convinced Prosecco on tap and a string quartet are next.

So, what did Greg actually buy? Milk, eggs, and… a natural gas generator. Andy chimes in with, “Some people eat lunch there. Hot dogs are a dollar! I’ll even grab snow tires while I’m at it.” Meanwhile, Keely and Grace turn grocery shopping into a mother-daughter date, savoring flavored coffee samples and bakery treats at Fresh Market—because apparently, it’s a trip to France without the plane ticket.

When Keely asks Greg about his childhood breakfast, he reveals it was grapefruit with sugar on top. “The citrus was healthy,” he explains, “but the sugar made me shake so much my second-grade teacher thought I was afraid of her.” Andy jokes, “Arm me with a hammer and feed me Sugar Smacks, and I could take down a concrete driveway!” Greg adds, “You could fell a 300-year-old oak with a serrated knife.”

Andy talks about sugary cereals being the only treat in his house growing up, likely because his parents didn’t know the sugar and chemicals were slowly killing them.

Keely, on the other hand, is the type to pop into Walmart Neighborhood Grocery for a single ingredient. “They make it sound all folksy, but it’s just a brainwashing tactic,” Greg says. “No one knows how to use the self-checkout, and half the people would kill you over a can of beans.”

Finally, Greg asks about Andy’s “fancy basement” (or as Andy corrects him, the “lower level”). Greg, ever the connoisseur, points out the connotation difference. Andy clarifies, “Aldi is the basement of groceries compared to Costco. The meat’s frozen, the brands are off, and you have to rent the shopping cart.”

We’re diving deep into grocery store culture in this episode of Welcome to the Suburbs.

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Welcome to Season 2, Episode 52 of *Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast*! This week, we dive into Greg and Keely’s unforgettable cottage renovation adventure. What some saw as a teardown, Greg and Keely envisioned as a charming retreat with endless potential. Endless being the key word

The 86-year-old, 600-square-foot cottage sat on an acre of land with lake access. Its charm? Questionable. The roof leaked, the furnace was dead, and the water system had... let’s call it "personality." Harold, the previous owner, left behind decades of eccentricities: cobwebs thick enough to trap a bobcat, an elaborate system of fish tanks and bird cages, and a shed that critters turned into a luxury Airbnb.

The shed, full of duct-taped tools, leaking buckets, and solidified fertilizer, was a time capsule of Harold’s resourceful yet quirky approach to life. Outside, the overgrown flower beds were buried under layers of mulch, quilts, and car floor mats, while piles of tree parts and hidden concrete added to the chaos.

As the renovation uncovered layers of Harold’s life, Greg and Keely faced unexpected challenges and found humor in the absurd. It’s a story of determination, grit, and—most importantly—a reminder that every project tells a tale.

Don’t miss Andy’s hilarious commentary and wisdom in this unforgettable episode. Tune in to *Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly—Greg’s Cottage Renovation*.

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Part 1: What happened at the concert, stays at the concert, unless it’s COVID. Then you take it home and share. Greg was at the John Hiatt show, took a look at the age of the crowd filing in, then said, “based on the age of this crowd I bet everyone sits during the show.” John Hiatt superfan shot him the stink eye as she parked her walker to take a toke of oxygen. One toke over the line sweet Jesus.

Part 2: Greg and Keely were sharing appetizers at restaurant in Chicago recently when Greg shot down a bad oyster. He googled, how long does it take to get sick from bad oysters? The answer: Up to 48 hours. Then spent the rest of the trip “on the clock” as he analyzed his stomach then looked at his watch hoping the other shoe didn’t drop, along with everything he had for dinner. Andy wasn’t so lucky. Either was Jennifer. He asked for water. She threw it at him.

Part 3: Naming plants. Witch Hazel, St John’s Wart, Toad Lilly. We’re all of the good names gone by the time they got to those? The guys talked about Greg and Keely’s Airbnb. None of the neighbors were happy their new purchase would become a short-term rental. Their mind went to a home that attracted police action. Greg’s mind went to, sexy cop role play. Furry handcuffs anyone? What if you used those and then had an allergic reaction to the fur? One minute you’re under arrest, the next minute you’re under duress with hives and wheezing. Where’s the chic from the Hiatt concert? I need some oxygen!

Part 4: the guys talk about Darwin at work. In the satellite communities around Indy, building codes for swimming pools have changed because too many people died from jumping off their roof into the pool but missed. Studies show that 70% of the time alcohol played a role in those deaths. Socker!

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It’s time for the 50th episode of Welcome to The Suburbs Podcast. 50th! Like birthdays and statehood, the 50th episode is a nice benchmark. Andy asked me to recall some of our reoccurring characters. Ironically we’d just spent Thanksgiving at the lake where my sister reared her ugly head like a nose full of pimples on prom night. We also talked about Joe and Mary and the idea of developing a reality show titled, short legs, big attitudes.

I asked Andy if his 50th birthday was memorable. His response, yes. Jennifer took me to Manhattan, I caught to flu and our pool’s filtration system died. We returned home to lung cookies and a cement swamp.

Part 2: flying out of Tampa on Southwest Airlines after business meetings the gate attended challenged Greg’s commitment to line etiquette. His response, this is something I’ve been doing since kindergarten, I believe I understand the concept, which led to a display of her obvious dissatisfaction with his mocking of her sacred protocol.

Meanwhile, at the next gate, a man and woman dressed as friends of Alexander Hamilton became minor celebrities to other travelers. People wanted selfies, someone dressed as Ben Franklin was offering copies with his 1700’s printing press. Because it was old technology, the flight left before anyone had a copy. Did they have a musket? Andy asked. No, it didn’t clear the security check point. Either did the tomahawk.

Part 3: psychics speak with sprit guides when meditating. Are spirit guides God’s way of delegating communications to mortals? If so, are those guides bound by a code of ethics? Can they tell enlightened seers everything about the future? Does it depend on the commitment of the seer? Like a subscription rate. The more commitment, the richer the information.

What about spirit animals. Do docile animals make better spirit animals than say, a rattle snake or a mountain lion?

We’ve had a lot of laughs over the last 50 episodes. There is so much more we covered in this episode too! Happy 50th Andy! Listen in on our conversations and laughter by downloading episode 50 of Welcome to the Suburbs Podcast. Please share it with a friend or 2…too🙂

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Did you know, if you pay a little extra when you get a ticket, the state won’t report it to you insurance company? That feels a little like payola? The only thing missing, you’re not paying cash to a guy wearing a pinkie ring at a clandestine location near the river.

Jennifer had experimental joint surgery on her toe. The joint wasn’t something they fished out of a bowl of chicken knuckle soup. It was actually titanium. Lesson learned, don’t have that type of surgery over a holiday weekend. Her trip to the ER for pain meds included stepping around puddles of bodily fluids from someone who tried giving advice to a kid who jumped the line at Meijer. Ok kidding. Just love the opportunity to call back jokes from previous episodes

Razor scooter rental is a part of life in many cities. Greg and Keely tried to rent them on a recent visit to St Pete the only ones left were scooters with seats. They were available because no one wants to look that tragic Keely, who’s more secure, couldn’t care less what people thought. Greg felt like he needed white driving gloves, a clutch purse, and rain bonnet.

It’s Episode 49 of Welcome To The Suburbs Podcast and Papaw’s coming in hot!

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Part 1:Andy was lead engineer in the Crumbling Down recording sessions with John Mellencamp. He takes me back to those sessions for a peek behind the curtain to understand what it was like making that song with John. From John’s vision of the song to the rough cut. With a surprise appearance by John’s gum guy.

Ray Combs built a comedy Club in downtown Cincinnati. The green room was upstairs overlooking the show room with a big picture window. Celebrities who knew Ray were invited to watch the show from the anonymity of the green room. It was there Greg met Pete Rose and together they watched John Fox defile Ray in front of a sold out audience.

Part 2 Stories from the ER.

An extremely obese woman who’d recently given birth, visits the ER with abdominal pain. She shared with the staff the technique she and her husband used for getting pregnant. That didn’t have anything to do with her pain. What the scans revealed is something I’ll never forget, but I had to share. Along with several other remarkable tales.

Part 3 Cleanup in isle 7.

What happens when you mix an elderly woman, a thug, Greg and a line of people in the self checkout line at Meijer? It’s either a trip to the ER, a life lesson or a life coaching opportunity on the virtues and pitfall of calling out a thug when he cuts an older woman in line. It’s our closer, but it’s not curtains for Greg. Episode 48 of Welcome To The Suburbs Podcast is filled with funny and insightful stories of life.

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