Humorous Fiction Family

Find out just how odd things get in this hilarious story of time travel and breakfast cereal, expertly told by Newbery Medalist and best-selling author Neil Gaiman.

All Tog wants to do is work in Santa's workshop, and one wonderful day, the letter from Santa arrives: Tog has been selected as an apprentice elf! Making toys is a lot more technical and a lot less fun than Tog had imagined, and even though his new friend Holly tries to help him, he's quickly relegated to cleaning out the reindeer stables. But someone has been stealing the presents from the workshop, and a case of mistaken identity finds Tog accused of being the culprit!

There's trouble at the Castle, and it's all because Merrin Meredith has returned with Darke plans for Septimus. More trouble awaits Septimus and Jenna in the form of Tertius Fume, the ghost of the very first Chief Hermetic Scribe, who is determined to send Septimus on a deadly Queste. But Septimus and Jenna have other plans - they are headed for the mysterious House of Foryx.

Ella's one wish is to become a fairy like her mom. She dreams of the day she will have her sparkly crown and Computwand. Ella even imagines what her first spell would be: a glittery unicorn of her very own. But Ella knows that spells are often harder than they look, even with the special fairy apps available...and being a fairy in waiting is not all rainbows and butterflies. Will Ella learn more magic to help her become a fairy someday? Or will she learn she doesn't need to be a fairy yet for all her wishes to come true?

The new heartwarming and hilariously brilliant story, beautifully read by number one best-selling author David Walliams. Dads come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There are fat ones and thin ones, tall ones and short ones. There are young ones and old ones, clever ones and stupid ones. There are silly ones and serious ones, loud ones and quiet ones. Of course, there are good dads and bad dads.... A high-speed cops and robbers adventure with heart and soul about a father and son taking on the villainous Mr Big - and winning!

Like the previous books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, there is nothing to be heard here but misery, despair, and discomfort, and you still have time to choose something else to listen to.

I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to listen to this recording because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put down this audio instantaneously, because of all the audios describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet.

You know it's going to be a rough summer when you spend Father's Day visiting your dad in the local lockup. Noah's dad is sure that the owner of the Coral Queen casino boat is flushing raw sewage into the harbor, which has made taking a dip at the local beach like swimming in a toilet. He can't prove it though, and so he decides that sinking the boat will make an effective statement. Right. The boat is pumped out and back in business within days and Noah's dad is stuck in the clink.

This audio is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children's miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful audios in the world.

Princess Amelia Mignonette Grimaldi Thermopolis Renaldo may seem like she's the luckiest girl ever. She's a princess, for starters. And while she's no supermodel, mirrors do not crack at her reflection. Best of all, she finally has a boyfriend. However, all she wants is a little peace and quiet...and a certain someone else to be her boyfriend. For Mia, being a princess in love is not the fairy-tale it's supposed to be...or is it?

Meet Holling Hoodhood, a seventh-grader at Camillo Junior High who must spend Wednesday afternoons with his teacher, Mrs. Baker, while the rest of the class has religious instruction. Mrs. Baker doesn’t like Holling - he’s sure of it. Why else would she make him read the plays of William Shakespeare outside class? But everyone has bigger things to worry about, like Vietnam.

As the youngest in her family, Dory really wants attention; and more than anything, she wants her brother and sister to play with her. But she's too much of a baby for them, so she's left to her own devices - including her wild imagination and untiring energy. Her siblings may roll their eyes at her childish games, but Dory has lots of things to do: outsmarting the monsters all over the house, escaping from prison (aka time-out), and exacting revenge on her sister's favorite doll.

Hardly a day passes without Trille and Lena inventing some kind of adventure that often ends in trouble. Whether it's coaxing a cow onto a boat or tobogganing down the steepest and iciest hill with a chicken, there is always a thrill - and sometimes an injury - to be had. Trille loves to share everything with Lena, even Auntie Granny's waffles, which make everything just perfect. But when Lena has to move away, and Auntie Granny leaves the world, it sometimes seems nothing will ever be right again.

The word "carnivorous", which appears in the title of this book, means "meat-eating", and once you have read such a bloodthirsty word, there is no reason to read any further. This carnivorous volume contains such a distressing story that consuming any of its contents would be far more stomach-turning than even the most imbalanced meal.

Speed and self-confidence, that’s Astrid’s motto. Nicknamed “the little thunderbolt,” she loves to spend her days racing down the hillside on her sled, singing loudly as she goes, and visiting Gunnvald, her grumpy, septuagenarian best friend and godfather, who makes hot chocolate from real chocolate bars. She just wishes there were other children to share her hair-raising adventures with. But Astrid’s world is about to be turned upside down by two startling arrivals to the village of Glimmerdal: first a new family, then a mysterious, towering woman who everyone seems to know.

Megin is 12; her brother Greg is 14. Megin is a slob; Greg is fastidious. They call each other Megamouth and Grosso. Between the two, the household is filled with their teasing and fighting. They are experts at the usual games of sibling rivalry and experts at inventing new ones. From carefully-planted cockroaches to creme doughnut fights, Megin and Greg's antics keep them in constant trouble. But even as they think up new ways to bug each other, they are also growing up.

Unless you are a slug, a sea anemone, or mildew, you probably prefer not to be damp. You might also prefer not to listen to this audiobook, in which the Baudelaire siblings descend into the depths of despair, underwater. The horrors they encounter are too numerous to list, and include mushrooms, a mechanical monster, a distressing message from a lost friend, and tap dancing.

Ramona's job is to be nice to fussy Mrs. Kemp, who watches her while her mother works. If Mrs. Quimby didn't work, Mr. Quimby couldn't return to college. On top of all that, third grade isn't turning out as Ramona expected, even though she enjoys her class's new reading program, D.E.A.R. Danny the Yard Ape teases her, and, on one horrible day, she throws up - at school. Being eight isn't easy, but it's never dull!

In this fifth book in the Magykal series, Septimus ends up on a captivatingly beautiful island, one of seven set in a sparkling sea. He's stranded there with his badly injured dragon, Spit Fyre, along with Jenna and Beetle. There are some strange things about the island, including a Magykal girl named Syrah, a cat-shaped lighthouse that has lost its Light, and an eerie presence that sings to Septimus - can he escape the persistent call?

When Silas Heap unseals a forgotten room in the palace, he releases the ghost of a queen who lived 500 years earlier. Queen Etheldredda is as awful in death as she was in life, and she's still up to no good. Her diabolical plan to give herself everlasting life requires Jenna's compliance, Septimus' disappearance, and the talents of her son, Marcellus Pye, a famous alchemist and physician.