This Book Is Full of Spiders
Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It (John Dies at the End, Book 2)
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wish list failed.
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
This Book Is Full of Spiders
Buy Now for $32.00
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Nick Podehl
-
Written by:
-
David Wong
About this listen
From David Wong, the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes.
Warning: You may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR.
You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, in fact, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection - the creature stimulates skepticism, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. You won't even feel it when it breeds. And it will breed.
Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it. I'm just the messenger. Even if I did sort of cause it. Either way, I won't hold it against you if you're upset. I know that's just the spider talking.
"Like an episode of AMC's "The Walking Dead" written by Douglas Adams of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." …Imagine a mentally ill narrator describing the zombie apocalypse while drunk, and the end result is unlike any other book of the genre. Seriously, dude, touch it and read it." –Washington Post
"Kevin Smith's Clerks meets H.P. Lovecraft in this exceptional thriller… David Wong (Jason Pargin) is a fantastic author with a supernatural talent for humor. If you want a poignant, laugh-out-loud funny, disturbing, ridiculous, self-aware, socially relevant horror novel than This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It is the one and only book for you." –SF Signal
©2012 David Wong (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.You may also enjoy...
-
John Dies at the End
- Written by: David Wong
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 14 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 236
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 205
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 205
STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why?
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
not for me
- By Genevieve Paquette on 2021-03-22
Written by: David Wong
-
Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits
- Written by: David Wong, Jason Pargin
- Narrated by: Christy Romano
- Length: 15 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 157
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 148
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 146
In a prosperous yet gruesomely violent near future, superhero vigilantes battle thugs whose heads are full of supervillain fantasies. The peace is kept by a team of smooth, well-dressed negotiators called The Men in Fancy Suits. Meanwhile a young girl is caught in the middle and thinks the whole thing is ridiculous. Zoey, a recent college graduate with a worthless degree, makes a reluctant trip into the city after hearing that her estranged con artist father died in a mysterious yet spectacular way.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Catsuit
- By Salios on 2017-10-07
Written by: David Wong, and others
-
I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom
- A Novel
- Written by: Jason Pargin
- Narrated by: Ari Fliakos
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 17
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 17
Outside Los Angeles, a driver pulls up to find a young woman sitting on a large black box. She offers him $200,000 cash to transport her and that box across the country, to Washington, DC. But there are rules: He cannot look inside the box. He cannot ask questions. He cannot tell anyone. They must leave immediately. He must leave all trackable devices behind. As these eccentric misfits hit the road, rumors spread on social media that the box is part of a carefully orchestrated terror attack intended to plunge the USA into civil war.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
take on modern culture and screen society this book is its own black box of doom
- By Daniel Robert Wilkinson on 2024-10-07
Written by: Jason Pargin
-
Tales from the Gas Station: Volume One
- Written by: Jack Townsend
- Narrated by: Jon Grilz
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 9
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 9
Drunk customers. Shoplifting raccoons. Otherworldly visitors. As night-shift clerk at the 24-hour gas station at the edge of town, Jack has pretty much seen it all. That is, until his best friend reveals the body of a local politician hidden in the trunk of a car, setting off a chain of events with apocalyptic potential. Soon, Jack finds himself entangled in a supernatural conspiracy involving monster hunters, sociopaths, doomsday cultists, and...garden gnomes?
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Holy crap this is good
- By Michelle on 2024-11-11
Written by: Jack Townsend
-
Lovecraft Country
- A Novel
- Written by: Matt Ruff
- Narrated by: Kevin Kenerly
- Length: 12 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 30
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 24
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 23
Chicago, 1954. When his father Montrose goes missing, 22-year-old Army veteran Atticus Turner embarks on a road trip to New England to find him, accompanied by his Uncle George—publisher of The Safe Negro Travel Guide—and his childhood friend Letitia. On their journey to the manor of Mr. Braithwhite—heir to the estate that owned one of Atticus’s ancestors—they encounter both mundane terrors of white America and malevolent spirits that seem straight out of the weird tales George devours.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
If you liked the show you'll love the book
- By Rjpb on 2022-06-30
Written by: Matt Ruff
-
Bedside Manor
- Written by: Jack Townsend
- Narrated by: MrCreepyPasta
- Length: 4 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 46
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 35
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 35
When Jack’s car breaks down in the middle of a cross-country road trip, the mysterious house at the top of the hill is a beacon of hope. If he can borrow a phone to call for help, he’ll be on his way in no time. But someone - or something - has other plans. Soon, Jack finds himself trapped in a nightmare that defies logic, where a depraved killer on the loose is the least of his problems. Will Jack escape before it’s too late?
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Amazing
- By JMJ on 2022-10-05
Written by: Jack Townsend
-
John Dies at the End
- Written by: David Wong
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 14 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 236
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 205
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 205
STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why?
-
2 out of 5 stars
-
not for me
- By Genevieve Paquette on 2021-03-22
Written by: David Wong
-
Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits
- Written by: David Wong, Jason Pargin
- Narrated by: Christy Romano
- Length: 15 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 157
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 148
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 146
In a prosperous yet gruesomely violent near future, superhero vigilantes battle thugs whose heads are full of supervillain fantasies. The peace is kept by a team of smooth, well-dressed negotiators called The Men in Fancy Suits. Meanwhile a young girl is caught in the middle and thinks the whole thing is ridiculous. Zoey, a recent college graduate with a worthless degree, makes a reluctant trip into the city after hearing that her estranged con artist father died in a mysterious yet spectacular way.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Catsuit
- By Salios on 2017-10-07
Written by: David Wong, and others
-
I'm Starting to Worry About This Black Box of Doom
- A Novel
- Written by: Jason Pargin
- Narrated by: Ari Fliakos
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 17
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 17
Outside Los Angeles, a driver pulls up to find a young woman sitting on a large black box. She offers him $200,000 cash to transport her and that box across the country, to Washington, DC. But there are rules: He cannot look inside the box. He cannot ask questions. He cannot tell anyone. They must leave immediately. He must leave all trackable devices behind. As these eccentric misfits hit the road, rumors spread on social media that the box is part of a carefully orchestrated terror attack intended to plunge the USA into civil war.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
take on modern culture and screen society this book is its own black box of doom
- By Daniel Robert Wilkinson on 2024-10-07
Written by: Jason Pargin
-
Tales from the Gas Station: Volume One
- Written by: Jack Townsend
- Narrated by: Jon Grilz
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 9
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 9
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 9
Drunk customers. Shoplifting raccoons. Otherworldly visitors. As night-shift clerk at the 24-hour gas station at the edge of town, Jack has pretty much seen it all. That is, until his best friend reveals the body of a local politician hidden in the trunk of a car, setting off a chain of events with apocalyptic potential. Soon, Jack finds himself entangled in a supernatural conspiracy involving monster hunters, sociopaths, doomsday cultists, and...garden gnomes?
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Holy crap this is good
- By Michelle on 2024-11-11
Written by: Jack Townsend
-
Lovecraft Country
- A Novel
- Written by: Matt Ruff
- Narrated by: Kevin Kenerly
- Length: 12 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 30
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 24
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 23
Chicago, 1954. When his father Montrose goes missing, 22-year-old Army veteran Atticus Turner embarks on a road trip to New England to find him, accompanied by his Uncle George—publisher of The Safe Negro Travel Guide—and his childhood friend Letitia. On their journey to the manor of Mr. Braithwhite—heir to the estate that owned one of Atticus’s ancestors—they encounter both mundane terrors of white America and malevolent spirits that seem straight out of the weird tales George devours.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
If you liked the show you'll love the book
- By Rjpb on 2022-06-30
Written by: Matt Ruff
-
Bedside Manor
- Written by: Jack Townsend
- Narrated by: MrCreepyPasta
- Length: 4 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 46
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 35
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 35
When Jack’s car breaks down in the middle of a cross-country road trip, the mysterious house at the top of the hill is a beacon of hope. If he can borrow a phone to call for help, he’ll be on his way in no time. But someone - or something - has other plans. Soon, Jack finds himself trapped in a nightmare that defies logic, where a depraved killer on the loose is the least of his problems. Will Jack escape before it’s too late?
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Amazing
- By JMJ on 2022-10-05
Written by: Jack Townsend
-
Welcome to Night Vale
- A Novel
- Written by: Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor
- Narrated by: Cecil Baldwin, Dylan Marron, Retta, and others
- Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 119
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 112
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 110
Located in a nameless desert somewhere in the great American Southwest, Night Vale is a small town where ghosts, angels, aliens, and government conspiracies are all commonplace parts of everyday life. It is here that the lives of two women, with two mysteries, will converge.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
From a fan of Welcome to Nightvale
- By MTG Fan on 2020-09-17
Written by: Joseph Fink, and others
-
Razzmatazz
- A Novel
- Written by: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 9 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 46
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 45
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 44
San Francisco, 1947. Bartender Sammy “Two Toes” Tiffin and the rest of the Cookie’s Coffee Irregulars—a ragtag bunch of working mugs last seen in Noir—are on the hustle: they’re trying to open a driving school; shanghai an abusive Swedish stevedore; get Mable, the local madam, and her girls to a Christmas party at the State Hospital without alerting the overzealous head of the S.F.P.D. vice squad.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Delicious sequel, did not want it to end!
- By KT42 on 2023-11-06
Written by: Christopher Moore
-
The Destroyer of Worlds
- A Return to Lovecraft Country
- Written by: Matt Ruff
- Narrated by: Kevin Kenerly
- Length: 9 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 3
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 3
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 3
Summer, 1957. Atticus Turner and his father, Montrose, travel to North Carolina to mark the centennial of their ancestor’s escape from slavery, but an encounter with an old nemesis leads to a life-and-death pursuit. Back in Chicago, George Berry is diagnosed with cancer and strikes a devil’s bargain with the ghost of Hiram Winthrop, who promises a miracle cure—but only if George brings Winthrop back from the dead.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
A solid sequel
- By Deckard on 2023-12-17
Written by: Matt Ruff
-
Noir
- A Novel
- Written by: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 99
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 92
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 92
It's not every afternoon that an enigmatic, comely blonde named Stilton (like the cheese) walks into the scruffy gin joint where Sammy "Two Toes" Tiffin tends bar. It's love at first sight, but before Sammy can make his move, an air force general named Remy arrives with some urgent business. 'Cause when you need something done, Sammy is the guy to go to; he's got the connections on the street.
-
4 out of 5 stars
-
Great story, ok voice acting
- By Adam Watkins on 2018-06-07
Written by: Christopher Moore
-
Necroscope
- Written by: Brian Lumley
- Narrated by: James Langton
- Length: 17 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 59
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 54
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 54
Harry Keogh is the man who can talk to the dead, the man for whom every grave willingly gives up its secrets, the one man who knows how to travel effortlessly through time and space to destroy the vampires that threaten all of humanity.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Really enjoyed this one
- By Alex on 2022-07-20
Written by: Brian Lumley
-
Island 731
- Written by: Jeremy Robinson
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 56
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 51
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 51
Mark Hawkins, former park ranger and expert tracker, is out of his element, working onboard the Magellan, a research vessel studying the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. But his work is interrupted when, surrounded by 30 miles of refuse, the ship and its high-tech systems are plagued by a series of strange malfunctions and the crew is battered by a raging storm. When the storm fades and the sun rises, the beaten crew awakens to find themselves anchored in the protective cove of a tropical island...and no one knows how they got there.
-
1 out of 5 stars
-
AI could have written a less cliched novel
- By Mr Picky on 2023-08-08
Written by: Jeremy Robinson
What listeners say about This Book Is Full of Spiders
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story4 out of 5 stars
- Thomas Scotland
- 2023-02-20
Beavis and Butthead Do The Appocolypse
I really enjoyed this book. If you enjoyed the first one, it goes along with it thematically, but it doesn't rely on it. I loved the premise behind it certain plot points Amy and David going through this entire ordeal by trying to find each other, for instance.
There's a certain group of people (of which I am one) who will enjoy these books. It requires a certain suspension of disbelief, and enjoying knee slapping potty humor sprinkled into an apocalyptic scenario that David, John, and Amy go through. If that's your thing, welcome to the club!
Some argue that there isn't much character growth, but that's simply untrue. In between the first book and this, Amy has grown from being agoraphobic, to a well fleshed out character with a heart of Gold and a Moral Compass. John seems to be spiralling downward while growing more stoic. David is just, David+ love life.
To enjoy these books, just chill out, and realize it's not meant to fit in with timeless classics. It stands on its own for those ready to face the Apocalypse, but would rather see it through the Lens of bumbling, potty mouth characters in David and John. Amy is the mature one of the bunch, so it kind of creates an equilibrium between the silly and the serious.
The hard need to be asking here is, just how many lives does a dog have?
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Matthew Harnden
- 2018-09-19
Seriously, Dude, Do listen to it
Very entertaining, funny, and amazing narration, I could not stop listening to it.
Definitely the best of the trilogy and you don't need to listen to the first book before, they each stand alone well.
Check it out!
#Audible1
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
2 people found this helpful
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Merlin
- 2021-04-10
BEST NARRATOR EVER
Absolutely amazing; perfectly written, and perfectly performed. Now I've found both my new favorite author, AND new favorite reader!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 2023-07-05
Super funny
Good story. Love Molly what a good girl. It’s not a regular horror story but refreshingly new like you actually know people in your lives like Dave & John.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jody Plank
- 2019-11-12
So Kool, really great writing
In the first few chapters there where a few things that made me roll my eyes. But very quick it turn into one of the best books iv ever listened to. The wrighter doesn't take short cuts to get to the end. Many times you think how is he gonna end this. But he gets there in a believable way. (well believable for fiction anyway) love the characters. Wow if I could wright books. This is what I'd write
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Madison
- 2020-08-31
my favourite audiobook
The story is hilarious but it is absolutely brought to life by Nick. Love this fun adventure love the characters, the plot, everything holy recommend if you are into spooky, gory, supernatural stories that are also hilarious and ridiculous.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- mason
- 2023-10-22
AMAZING !!!!!!!!!
This book had me crying, cackling, & wincing all at the same time. I am yet to find a book i enjoy more this takes my #1 spot :)
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Adam Watkins
- 2018-03-05
just get it. unique and very well performed.
my heading says it all. the voice actor is great, not the best but every character sounds unique n you won't be getting lost.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
-
Story4 out of 5 stars
- Tony
- 2018-09-10
Dread, Doom, and Dumb-asses
Weaker than the first book in some ways but a lot stronger in others, this book is a great sequel to the first. Some aspects of the book feel a bit like they changed the rules from the first. Some of the character traits seemed slightly altered without giving us any real reasoning, but what the book does right makes up for it in the end.
Throughout the book there is a countdown to panic and dread, and it is one of my favourite things about the book. You are constantly reminded that things are going to get worse. But instead of getting worse, they get worse than you expected, and you more or less have the same people trying to work through it as the first book. (Imagine the town you're in has one of those nuclear missile strike alarm buzzers go off. That kind of dread and uncertainty, except when the countdown ends you look at your phone and a spider jumps out of it and eats your face)
This book is not as insane as the first, so don't go in expecting that. It is far more "normalized". Instead of fist fights with moustache bats and talking hotdogs you get "what if those same guys were thrown into a zombie apocalypse" and really, it seldom disappoints. If you have read the first one, I highly recommend going through this one as well.
#Audible1
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 2024-11-02
That damn soy sauce!
If you loved the first book, you’ll love this one.
There was never a dull moment in the book at all.
The narrator did an awesome job as well
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!