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In this conversation, Neshia (Nee sha) Alaovae (Alah vi) shares her profound experiences and insights on death, grief, and the importance of cultural rituals. Raised by her grandparents in Samoa, Neshia's early encounters with death shaped her understanding and approach to end-of-life care. She emphasizes the significance of rituals in navigating grief and the need for community support. Neshia discusses her journey into death work, highlighting her current role as an end-of-life consultant, where she helps individuals, particularly young adults, confront and plan for their mortality. In this conversation, we explore the themes of midlife reflections, the importance of end-of-life planning, and the role of a death doula. We discuss how intimate connections can be fostered through conversations about death and dying the cultural rituals surrounding grief, and the challenges faced in death work. The conversation also touches on the fears surrounding the end of life and the celebration of life through death work, emphasizing the importance of community support and personal connections.

Neshia Alaovae (she/her) is a Black and Samoan, disabled mama, poet, and death worker. She cares deeply about connecting cultural wisdom, ancestral resilience, and BIPOC joy to create new, empowered possibilities for how we live and die. Her first experience of what many refer to as death doula work was in 2012 as a “Compassionate Companion” at a residential hospice in Washington, DC, that serves homeless or housing-insecure people dying of AIDS or cancer. Neshia continues to think of herself as a death companion.

Neshia has worked as a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion trainer for faith organizations, non-profits, and institutions such as the Washington Department of Health. She is a licensed mental health counselor who spent over a decade serving people navigating trauma, grief, and cultural identity. Currently, she runs "A Thoughtful Death," a deathcare practice offering end-of-life consultation and support for people wanting a more intentional experience with dying. Neshia loves reading, eating long meals with loved ones, and trying to keep her two toddlers from eating too much dirt (a little is just right).

A Thoughtful Death Website

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And we would love your feedback and want to hear your stories. You can email us at endoflifeconvo@gmail.com.

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In this conversation, Rich Nisbet shares his profound experiences with death, grief, and spirituality. He discusses his journey from personal loss to becoming a grief counselor, emphasizing the importance of finding meaning in death. Rich also introduces his children's book, The Life Cycle, which aims to help children understand death and the continuity of life.

The discussion also touches on the significance of open conversations about death, the stigma surrounding spiritual experiences, and the therapeutic benefits of journaling in processing grief. Rich advocates for a holistic approach to grief that acknowledges both pain and healing. In this engaging conversation, the speakers delve into the complexities of grief, trauma, and the therapeutic process. They explore how thoughts influence pain, the importance of confronting old traumas, and the challenges faced in counseling. The discussion also touches on near-death experiences and the fears surrounding death, emphasizing the evolving nature of therapy and self-discovery. We share insights on how individuals can take responsibility for their healing journey and the significance of mindfulness in processing emotions.

In the early 2000s, Rich was asked, “Have you ever been out of your body?” This question drove home the point that if you can leave your body, then you’re not your body. He relocated from Michigan to California to study philosophies, religions, processes, and methods for coaching and counseling.

When Covid hit, Rich developed an entire series of individual coaching procedures called “Achievements.” These Achievements are like philosophical processes that people can actually do on themselves.

In 2000, Rich supported a client who was caring for his dying grandmother. He wrote out steps for his client, which they found very valuable. That prompted Rich to write a book on the subject called “When It’s Time.”

His website contains accounts and stories of everyday people who have had out-of-the-ordinary experiences.

His Website - Above it All

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You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and BlueSky. You are also invited to subscribe to support us financially. Anyone who supports us at any level will have access to Premium content, special online meet-ups, and one on one time with Annalouiza or Wakil.

And we would love your feedback and want to hear your stories. You can email us at endoflifeconvo@gmail.com.

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In this conversation, Michael Erard discusses his work on language, mainly focusing on the first words of babies and the last words of the dying. He shares personal experiences with death, including a profound encounter that shaped his understanding of grief and mourning. The discussion explores the importance of communication at the end of life, the cultural models surrounding death, and the collective experience of dying, emphasizing the significance of verbal and non-verbal communication. In this conversation, we delve into the profound themes surrounding language and communication at the end of life. We explore cultural perspectives on the last words, the significance of agency in the final moments, and the challenges faced in researching end-of-life language. The discussion also touches on the importance of rituals in grief and the potential for rewriting moments of loss. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, we emphasize the power of language and the shared human experience in navigating death and dying.
Michael is a writer, a linguist, a parent, and an immigrant. His work has been mostly about language and languages and the people who use and study them. For the last five years, he has been working on a book about the first words of babies and the last words of the dying as linguistic phenomena, personal curios, and objects of cultural interest. “Bye Bye I Love You: The Story of Our First and Last Words” comes out in February 2025.
Michael sent us a preview, which we thoroughly enjoyed. The results of his studies and his skilled way of sharing the stories made it a compelling read. And the conclusions are fascinating and will be of great value to anyone doing end-of-life care. Michael is also in training to be a Death Doula and is on the advisory board of the Death Languages project, which recently received a grant from the Order of the Good Death.

Links to his new book
Penguin Random House has both hardcover and e-book options
MIT Press has only the hardcover
Michael's Website

Dr Katherine Mannix whom Michael mentioned as an inspiration.

Support the show

You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and BlueSky. You are also invited to subscribe to support us financially. Anyone who supports us at any level will have access to Premium content, special online meet-ups, and one on one time with Annalouiza or Wakil.

And we would love your feedback and want to hear your stories. You can email us at endoflifeconvo@gmail.com.