In this episode we agreed that we both share the desire to save others from distress or upset. It’s a very human quality but can lead to feelings of overwhelm, or of being taken for granted. It also means that, rather than teaching someone how to solve things for themselves, we inadvertently create an inability to manage their own situation in the other person.

Within relationships rescuing may be seen as an expression of a fear that the other person will leave us if we don’t provide help and support. And parents want to protect their children from any hurt or upset, so try and smooth their path through life. However, making mistakes is one of the most effective ways we have of learning.

We discussed how boundaries can be really helpful – teaching others how to treat us and teaching us how to respect ourselves.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is a very personal one. We discuss why, at times, we aren’t able to support ourselves in the ways we would suggest for our clients. We explore what happens when our emotional resources are low, and the ‘inner critic’ is loud in our head, which tries to get us to think we aren't worth the effort.

If we can take a step back, zoom out, and put a metaphorical arm around our shoulders, treat ourselves as we would treat a friend then we can start to use the techniques that make up our parachutes. Perhaps the most important tool in our box being the act of self-compassion. We are only human after all.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss how difficult it can be to let go of something we regret like and forgive ourselves for it. We often set ourselves standards that are impossible to live up to; and that we have a tendency to dwell on mistakes, which leads to a sense of guilt and shame.

It is also hard and extremely uncomfortable to process our mistakes; to make sense of them and find the learning. So we lean into self-blame and criticism instead which might stem from the brain trying to find a solution.

The more helpful way, though, is to find the learning, to see mistakes as a chance for change and growth. And to do that, we need to be able to look at the situation and in a kindly way explore what happened and why. How would we respond if a friend had made a mistake, most likely not in the way we generally treat ourselves!

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s a surprise (to us at least!) that we haven’t covered this topic before now. Anxiety has come up in lots of our podcasts, but this is the first time it’s been the main subject of one.

In this episode we discuss the evolutionary need for anxiety, and how we experience it now, in our modern (challenging!) world. We talk about top-down and bottom-up ways of managing it and how we can learn to recognise the signs in our body that we are getting anxious. We explore strategies that can support us when we do start to get anxious so that we are not ruled by it.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we explore the sense we may have about not fitting in, not being like everyone else. We do, though, tend to judge ourselves on how we feel, and others on how they seem to be behaving, and those two things are not the same.

We touch on people getting a diagnosis of a neurodivergence, and how that can help to explain why we don’t feel ‘normal’.

No-one can be completely average, therefore we all ‘deviate’ from some perceived "ideal". And can we be OK with that? After all, the variations between us are natural and all part of being human.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is another wide-ranging discussion, where this time we touch on some of the neuroscience behind why it feels to bad to lose; as well as exploring a range of situations that we might see as ‘losing’.

We talk about playing games or sports (Jimmy Conners, the tennis ace once said that he hated losing more than he loved winning!) as well as the losing we experience if the team we support loses, or even if the political party we support doesn’t win in an election.

We explore the sense of defining ourselves by our wins or loses, or those we support. And we discuss the possibility of unhooking ourselves from association, to experience success and loss as simply part of living, not something that says anything very important about us.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this wide-ranging conversation, we explored where our need for approval might come from and discovered that it has a different start-point for each of us. And that will most likely be true for those listening too. The point is that it leaves us unsure of our own opinions, and creates a desire to check out what others think.

Sometimes that’s helpful of course, when seeking advice, someone else might have knowledge that would be useful for us when making a decision. The issue comes when we can’t make a decision for ourselves without being swayed by the views of those around us.

We discuss how we might trust our gut more; rely on our own values, beliefs, and needs and trust that our choice is the right one. Sometimes there is not a single right answer, just what’s right, right now, for me.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode we discuss whether there is really a fixed ‘me’, a single authentic self. We are all slightly different in different situations, so what does that mean?

We explore the idea that all the versions of us are actually simply different parts of us coming to the fore, being most prominent or in charge; what Adrienne describes as which part of her is driving the bus!

One of the few certainties in life is that there is constant change, and we talked about this meaning that, even though we grow, change, and develop throughout our lives, we can still simply be ourself in that moment.

Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:

www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)

www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.