I’m going to call BS on something we probably all heard as kids: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

I know we were all taught this rhyme to shut bullies up, but words do matter, and we don’t always appreciate how much.

Especially when they’re coming out of our mouths and we mean well – we truly do – but how they land has the opposite effect.

I’m as guilty of this as anyone. And it took me a really long time to realize how my good intentions could take someone’s confidence down instead of building it up, not just because of what I said, but how I said it and in what context.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’ve zeroed in on five phrases that have the ability to kill our confidence when we hear them, and kill someone else’s when we say them.

These phrases seem benign but even when they’re offered in the spirit of support or helpfulness, can create fear. Fear of failure, regret or rejection – the three fears that really make us all question our confidence.

Listen in to find out what the phrases are, what you can say instead and/or respond confidently when someone says them to you. That way we can all try and be a little more compassionate to ourselves and to other people who do intend well, but don't always have the right words to tell us.

You know those conversations that stick with you long after they’re over? That’s exactly how I felt after chatting with Rich Kirkpatrick on my podcast. We dove deep into the relationship between confidence and creativity—not just the surface-level stuff, but how they can fuel each other.

Because creativity is one of those things that makes a lot of us want to shrink into the background so people won’t find out we don’t have it or what we create is amateurish or awful.

A musician, Rich talked about how during his early days in the music industry, confidence often felt like a façade and how he learned to separate his self-worth from external validation by reframing his self-talk. Instead of asking himself, “Am I good enough?” he began to ask, “What can I learn from this?”

That’s a subtle, common-sense shift, but really does change everything. Suddenly, confidence becomes a journey of growth rather than a destination to reach.

Ultimately, confidence and creativity are intertwined, each nurturing the other. When we believe in our abilities and embrace our authentic selves, we unlock the door to endless creative possibilities.

Key takeaways from this powerful conversation include how:

• Confidence isn’t about being loud or the center of attention; it’s about being grounded in who you are.
• Creativity isn't just for musicians, artists, or chefs—it’s for everyone. If you’re solving problems, you’re creating.
• There are two approaches to creativity he’s noticed, and some of us are “robots” while others are “wizards” (honestly, I bet most of us are a little bit of both).
• Authenticity breeds confidence, which you know I firmly believe, because when you’re true to yourself, you naturally project that energy and people can feel it!

Rich Kirkpatrick is a native of San Jose, California, studied music at The Phil Mattson School, and earned his bachelor’s and master’s from Jessup University. He writes, consults, and speaks about the intersection of creativity, faith and leadership. His book, MINDBLOWN: Unlock Your Creative Genius by Bridging Science and Magic (2022), deconstructs creativity and the creative process. To learn more about Rich, visit RKblog.com.

We often think confidence comes from trusting our instincts, but what if those gut reactions are actually holding us back?

Sometimes, we make snap judgments about people, situations, or even ourselves, without giving things a real chance. And those assumptions can stop us from experiencing real connection, growth, or opportunities.

Take my recent Portugal trip, for example. I met a couple I thought I had nothing in common with—different backgrounds, beliefs, everything. My initial reaction was to dismiss them. But guess what? They ended up becoming close friends.

That experience taught me that confidence isn’t about making fast decisions or sticking to what’s comfortable. It’s about being open, curious, and giving yourself—and others—a chance.

We all have biases, often based on past experiences or fear of looking foolish. But when we question those assumptions, we find out they’re often false. Confidence is about stepping beyond those fear walls, giving new things time to settle, and trusting that the discomfort won’t last forever.

True confidence grows when we stop relying on those quick, fear-based decisions and start being more intentional about the opportunities we let in. So next time, instead of saying “no” right away, ask yourself why. You might be surprised at what you find on the other side.

So if you’re ready to look beneath the surface and make better decisions for yourself, this episode is for you. Tune in, challenge your biases, and let’s grow that confidence together!