- On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (10)

What do you want from Therapy? Where does your view come from? Is it your view or a “hand me down”? Therapy won’t work until you are ready. But if you take too long (as the masses do), then the hand grenade may go off in your face and then you are left picking up shrapnel. Picking up shrapnel is to be re-active.

The preference is to be proactive. Make conscious choices, even if wrong choices (at least you know you made then and can own the fallout); rather than choice be done to you (then you can’t own the repercussions). Make sense?

CBT= Cognitive Behaviour (Therapy). The Cognitive (your thinking) will always come before Behaviour (the action). Change your thinking before trying to change Behaviour. If you can change your Mind, you can change your life.

Whichever addiction you are caught up in (whether Alcohol, smoking, eating, sex, porn, seeking out connection with love, drugs, gambling or gaming), the craving to use are not under direct conscious control. The memory of the positive after effect feelings (feeling-state) drives the repeat behaviour. Your cognitive (thinking/thoughts) is triggered by the neural pathway set up by the past repeat behaviours; so the thought is - I need to have that thing; do that thing - it will make me feel better. So you go after it. Do it again. Get a temporary fix and also further cemented the neural pathway links. You're back on the hamster wheel. Get it!

There may be a high level of sincere motivation to stop, but later on the physiology demand for its chemical fix, situational triggers and disturbing/upsetting feelings, causes a PART of the personality to sabotage; not care about the demands of the other PARTS of the personality. I see, I desire, I want, so I take - kicks in – where “Immediate gratification rules again.

Want to know more? Click the link and come get me.

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Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

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Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building |