We’re not quite done discussing bondage and all things kinky this week as we cover a movie we guarantee you’ve never heard of. 2000’s Jill Rips (also known as Jill the Ripper or Tied Up) is such a bad movie that it defies explanation. With more fade-to-blacks than a TV show, this thing isn’t just poorly made – it’s boring too. But what isn’t boring is our episode. So suit up in your favorite latex costume and grab a Boston cream donut to listen to us talk all about this abysmal film. Plus the iOS-Dolph Lundgren conspiracy, the worst codeword to use in a sex club, the special joke hidden in Dustin’s envelope, and a lot more are all discussed in less than the runtime of the film.

Jill Rips (aka Jill the Ripper aka Tied Up) stars Dolph Lundgren and Danielle Brett. Directed by Anthony Hickox.

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Valentine’s Day is this week – a special time of year where couples and crushes come together to celebrate their romance with one another. But one couple will be doing no such thing. Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey (totally real names) have some problems they need to work on (but they won’t.) Make no mistake: Fifty Shades of Grey is a terrible movie, and we’re here to tell you why. So grab your floggers and spread wide cause this episode we’re getting real sexy as we discuss everything from “secret” jeans to nanobot sex toys and even the unmistakable scent of ovulation. Oh yeah, it’s that kind of episode. All of that and a lot more with returning guest Brian Cottington of The Cinema Psychos Show.

You can check out The Cinema Psychos Show on Apple Podcasts or wherever get your podcasts.

Fifty Shades of Grey stars Marcia Gay Harden, Jamie Dornan, Rita Ora, Dakota Johnson, Max Martini, Luke Grimes, Callum Keith Rennie, Victor Rasuk, Jennifer Ehle, and Eloise Mumford. Directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson.

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This week on the program we’re diving back into the world of multiverses to discuss a truly bizarre product of the aughts. Two Jet Lis, nü-metal needle drops, and a pre-bald Jason Statham all get mushed into a blender and out comes 2001’s The One. This obvious rip-off of so many other films that came before it (The Matrix as its main component) doesn’t offer much other than some incredibly laughable moments. So grab your wormhole detector and your Papa Roach CD, then kick back and listen as we discuss how Drowning Pool (temporarily) cured racism, Roger Ebert’s thoughts on Stuart Little, and, of course, that rat’s GIANT balls. All of that and more with a variant of returning guest John Houzer.

The One stars Carla Gugino, Delroy Lindo, Jet Li, and Jason Statham. Directed by James Wong.

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