The phrase “good vibes” has been around for a few decades now, and it is sometimes associated with cultural eccentricity. In fact, however, the phrase can be associated with electricity because the human body has electrical currents that travel up to 120 meters per second. The electricity in our bodies is real, and it is impacted by our habits, particularly those that involve mental hygiene. If you want to boost your positive vibes quickly, here are ten things you can do. Some of them may sound similar, but the nuances are different.

1. Think positively. This does not mean brainwashing yourself to believe what is not true or ignoring what needs to be fixed, but it does mean you look for what is really, truly good instead of automatically assuming the bad.
2. Strengthen your memory for positive information. Your brain wants to help you by detecting threats early, so it often holds onto the negative memories. But you can purposely direct your brain to remember the positive things, too. Use recall for good.
3. Stop minimizing your successes. Often we do this out of an attempt to be polite or humble, but dismissing what is good is not really either one. Your successes are important, and it might not look like anyone else’s successes. What is big for you? Wins are different for every single human. Do not push away compliments.
4. Exercise control of your thoughts. Thinking changes the brain. Take control of your own mind. Think of your brain like a self-driving car: it can do lots of cool things and definitely has an autopilot function, but you still need to be at the wheel to be safe and use autopilot effectively.
5. Use negativity wisely. Some things are truly bad. Some negative thoughts are true and need to be acknowledged. This is different than using negativity as your default. Acknowledge reality, and move in the best direction you can in response to it.
6. Practice gratitude. Your brain and body love it; gratitude does wonderful things for them.
7. Accept and validate your own feelings, but don’t believe everything they tell you. Remember, feelings are very real, but they are not always true. Gather the information they offer, but sort it through before making decisions.
8. Accept that pain is inevitable and that you can choose gain in the pain. Many of us today want to avoid pain at all costs, but pain is often part of achieving important things.
9. Control your behavior. Adults do this. We accept that children are learning to control themselves and will not always succeed, but, if you are an adult, hold yourself accountable as an adult.
10. Judge yourself in a helpful way in order to determine what to do differently, rather than a condemning way that uses past mistakes to self-shame or beat yourself up. Acknowledging reality allows you to forgive yourself and move forward, making right what you can and accepting that you cannot change the past.

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How do you approach the issue of trusting others? Every human being is a risk. This does not necessarily mean that we are all dangerous at deep levels, but it does mean we are fallible and that we have the capacity and potential to hurt and fail one another. We all yearn for acceptance, accept ugly things, and are still trying to figure out who we are supposed to be.

We have trouble trusting God because we forget that God never lies. He is perfect. He loves His creation to the point of death. He has experienced more harm, offense, and pain than anyone else has ever experienced, and He continues to experience our selfishness, greed, and immaturity. In many ways, we are not a good risk for God, yet He risks relationship with us. Jesus is the Word Who became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1); He brings us back to God the Father. God is a good Father. We can hold Him accountable for His words, and we must not disrespect Him.

As difficult as trust can be, we are wired for it. We cannot help but trust in some way. We trust that the sun will come up each morning. We trust our safety systems and the people around us enough to fall asleep, which is an almost completely vulnerable state. We trust the chairs in which we sit, the cars we drive, etc. Trust is the biggest problem we have because life requires trust. Even our pets have to deal with the issue of trust.

Some people are better risks than others. Are you a good risk for other people? Do you lie to them? Do you return phone calls, gossip, etc.? Before you judge others --family, friends, even the government -- recognize that we all have the abovementioned yearning for acceptance. We also want to feel trusted and want to feel safe. Developing and maintaining trust in a relationship is an ongoing process. Sometimes we need to qualify our statements so that we can be clear in developing trust instead of making sweeping generalizations, etc. Sometimes we need to explore rifts and apologize when we mess up. Sometimes we need to acknowledge challenges to our trustworthiness.

Jesus is our model of trustworthiness. He is kind and strong. When He was on earth, He did not judge inappropriately but always held the line, so to speak. Even so, people had trouble believing in His love until He died for us, and, even now, we often struggle to trust that the One Who was willingly tortured to death for us and then overcame death is trustworthy. Like children, we continue to question His love every time we experience pain or simply do not get what we want. We constantly want Jesus to prove who He is, even though He has already done this.

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Do you let people love you? Do you let them know you? Love takes time. There are some acts of love, mercy, grace, and kindness that require very little and can be accepted without any commitment. When someone opens the door for you in the store, smiles at you, or lets you have a parking place, you can generally accept it without trying to interpret their motives. There are others acts of love that are more reaching and involve covering a multitude of sins. We want to run from our proclivities, but God in His perfection is willing to be with us and cover for us while we work on repentance and change. Accept the love and mercy that is being offered to you; do not reject goodness. Do not insult the person who tries to give you something good. It is okay to be uncomfortable while you practice receiving graciously.

Do you worry about accepting anyone’s niceness? Do you reject their little gifts of grace to you for fear that there will be strings attached later? It can be so much easier to accept good things from people we do not know, people who are unlikely to be there later, because we see little chance of having to repay them in the future. But in most cases we do not have to read minds and interpret motives; we can simply say, “Thank you,” authentically without trying to read between the lines. If we find later that there were strings attached, after all, we can simply say, “I wish I had known that you were wanting that in return. What can I do now?” Usually, continuing to live as a changed person in response to the kindness is the best repayment. If you think that you do not deserve it, take a deep breath and say, “It’s not about me.” This can help you not to steal from others the reward of being kind. Work on accepting compliments, even if you do not believe them right now.

Love covers a multitude of sins. It is not the same as enabling. Love does not expose our ugliness while we are working on repentance and change. It is a gift of grace that comes from God. God knows the depth and darkness of our thoughts and actions, and He does not put time limits on our changing. We do not have to get it all figured out before we go to God; in fact, He would rather we come to Him messy. (Our own attempts to clean up the mess without Him generally just make things worse.)

And, remember, you can show love to others, too. You do not have to love perfectly in order for someone’s life to be changed. Loving someone is not always an ongoing commitment; you can start with small acts of kindness throughout the day. Practice I Corinthians 13 on yourself. The more you are willing to engage with this kind of love, receiving the love of God and loving yourself well, the more you will be able to love others. Practice love. Do not wait for perfection. You can apologize when wrong. God is the Father that is with you.

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Do you struggle with letting others love you? Today Cinthia reviews some important concepts about letting others love you. We all need grace, kindness, even smiles; you can receive and give these things. The better your boundaries are, the more loving you can be. Extending grace does not mean the person owes you something. I Corinthians 13, as well as other verses about the love of God, give us a picture of what love means. God is kind; you be kind. Practice kindness toward strangers and toward those close to you, honoring appropriate boundaries; receive kindnesses in the same way.

Kindness shown does not necessarily mean that one person owes another something. Deciding for others what they are expecting in return is a boundary violation. You do not have to read the minds of others. Don’t allow suspicion to steal from you or from those who try to give you something. It is okay to ask or to offer payment, but, often, the best repayment for someone’s kindness is continuing to live as a changed person. It is okay to just say “thank you.” Don’t insult the giver of a gift because you believe your own negative feelings. If it turns out someone has attached strings without telling you, you can always say, “I am glad you told me. I did not know that you were expecting or needing that. I can/cannot do that.”

Another piece of love is covering. Covering is a gift of grace; it is different than enabling or keeping harmful secrets. God covers us while we let Him change us, while we work on doing the things He gives us to address. Covering can minimize the damage and allow the person to fix what he or she has broken; it refuses to expose the person while he or she is working on repentance and change. This does not mean that we have to make long checklists of ways the person has to prove themselves and that we have to expose them otherwise. In close relationships, we may need to address situations in which people are not trying to change, but, in general, it is not our business. God is with us as we change and is infinitely patient with our mistakes. Allow those who love you to support you as you learn to be the best version of yourself.

Love can be scary because we need it so badly. We are wired to attach. But trying to read the minds of others in order to protect ourselves is not as effective as we might think. Learn to be a safe person and to love who God made you to be. Extend kindness and grace to yourself and others, and receive it from those who offer it. There is no promise you will not get hurt, but God is with His people and will take care of you through it.

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