Emotional Perfectionism, Part One: Making sure you feel the "right" things, not the real things

I define emotional perfectionism as the rigid habit of feeling what one "should feel" in order to satisfy the real or perceived expectations of others.

It is a sub-type of General Perfectionism, where behaviors and expressions are tailored to meet external expectations. This is a codependency behavior designed to help procure safety, belonging, and worth.

Emotional perfectionism shows up as:

- Ignoring what you actually feel and forcing yourself to feel differently about something

- Saying you feel one way, but you actually feel differently

- Showing up a particular way so others won't be upset or bothered in some way

- Shutting down your feelings and putting on a "happy face"

- Trying to heal your emotions so you feel the "right way"

What is actually needed:

- Meeting ourselves as we are

- Understanding and seeing our emotional experiences as how we feel about the thing/circumstance/experience

- Believing that what we feel isn't wrong and doesn't really need changing. It needs to be known and valued as it is

- Sharing what we feel in clear, kind, direct ways with people that receive it with warmth

- Letting ourselves breathe emotionally



A tool: ALI Practice: https://ali.freetheself.com



*** START HEALING WITH MY 4-day CLARITY COURSE

Discover what codependency really is and get the two essential practices to help start healing the true cause of codependency in my 4-day email course, CLARITY. Start now for free: https://join.freetheself.com

***

Learn more about my work and upcoming courses and trainings here: https://links.freetheself.com

***

Course Links:

FOUNDATION: To exit the survival phase of codependency and enter real healing and creation, you must develop emotional safety, social belonging, and independent self worth. I call these the Three Necessities, and they are what causes your body to start advocating instead of functioning from codependency. You cannot have peace, freedom, healthy relationships with these solidly in place.

Foundation guides you step-by-step in creating real emotional safety, belonging, and self-worth over 15 weeks. If you're ready to be done with the pain, shame, and chaos codependency brings to your life, start here.

Get details and your seat here: https://foundation.freetheself.com


THE CODEPENDENCY HEALING SYSTEM: Neglect and abuse left you with massive gaps in your life, especially in how you trust yourself, care for your needs, your relational skills, and the necessary experience to create expertise in these areas. This is the big work of growing into your adulthood.

Your ability to thrive depends on detecting and filling these gaps using real-time support, comprehensive training, and a living community to practice and experiment in. The Codependency Healing System delivers this.

Only 100 students are admitted annually.

Enrollment opens July and February each year.

Get details here: https://chs.freetheself.com

Creation Phase is where you arrive with the ability to determine what kind of experiences you want to have, and then using your personal power, intuition, and skills, go out and receive those experiences.

This all depends on knowing what you *actually* want, not what you think you want (which is often a product of trauma controling things rather than a genuine alignment within ourselves).

This phase is all about understanding, creating, and following the alignments that lead you to outcomes are what you want.

Learn how I make that happen in todays episode!


*** START YOUR WORK BY JOINING THE COMMUNITY

Are you seeking guidance in navigating your journey through the three phases of thriving beyond codependency (survival, healing, and creation)? Join below to start today.

Start your work here: https://join.freetheself.com

***

TRANSFORMATION: Get what you want through alignment with your real identity, power, and purposes in your life. Learn how do this in TRANSFORMATION. Enrollment opens up throughout the year.

Get details here: https://transformation.freetheself.com


*** UPCOMING ENROLLMENTS FOR JUNE 2024

FOUNDATION: To exit the survival phase of codependency and enter real healing and creation, you must develop emotional safety, social belonging, and independent self worth. I call these the Three Necessities, and they are what causes your body to start advocating instead of functioning from codependency. You cannot have peace, freedom, healthy relationships with these solidly in place.

FOUNDATION guides you step-by-step in creating real emotional safety, belonging, and self-worth over 15 weeks. If you're ready to be done with the pain, shame, and chaos codependency brings to your life, start here.

Enrollment is open for the June 30, 2024 Live class start. Get details and your seat here: https://foundation.freetheself.com

The Healing Phase is the deep work of unbecoming your codependency and discovering who you are beyond your pain, trauma, and survival self.

This is where we develop the necessary skills, experience and expertise we didn't get growing up, along with amplifying our safety, our belonging, and deeply embodying our self-worth.

Learn how I work with this phase and how you can start to in your life in today's episode.

The Tool: https://sir.freetheself.com


*** START YOUR WORK BY JOINING THE COMMUNITY

Are you seeking guidance in navigating your journey through the three phases of thriving beyond codependency (survival, healing, and creation)? Join below to start today.

Start your work here: https://join.freetheself.com

***

The Codependency Healing System: Neglect and abuse left you with massive gaps in your life, especially in how you trust yourself, care for your needs, your relational skills, and the necessary expereince to create expertise in these areas. This is the big work of growing into your adulthood.

Your ability to thrive depends on detecting and filling these gaps using real-time support, comprehensive training, and a living community to practice and experiment in. The Codependency Healing System delivers this.

Only 100 students are admitted annually.

Enrollment opens July and February each year.

Get details here: https://chs.freetheself.com


*** UPCOMING ENROLLMENTS FOR JUNE 2024

FOUNDATION: To exit the survival phase of codependency and enter real healing and creation, you must develop emotional safety, social belonging, and independent self worth. I call these the Three Necessities, and they are what causes your body to start advocating instead of functioning from codependency. You cannot have peace, freedom, healthy relationships with these solidly in place.

FOUNDATION guides you step-by-step in creating real emotional safety, belonging, and self-worth over 15 weeks. If you're ready to be done with the pain, shame, and chaos codependency brings to your life, start here.

Enrollment is open for the June 30, 2024 Live class start. Get details and your seat here: https://foundation.freetheself.com