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  • How to Be the Love You Seek

  • Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships
  • Written by: Dr. Nicole LePera
  • Narrated by: Courtney Patterson
  • Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
  • 4.0 out of 5 stars (24 ratings)

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How to Be the Love You Seek

Written by: Dr. Nicole LePera
Narrated by: Courtney Patterson
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Publisher's Summary

INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

"A practical, reader-friendly, and inspiring primer on how to extend true connection and love to others.” —Gabor Maté M.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Myth of Normal

From the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller How to Do the Work comes this paradigm-shifting guide to healing your relationships, beginning with the one you have with yourself.

Relationships have always been essential to human survival. Our bodies and brains are programmed to seek out connection, whether familial, romantic, or platonic. And yet, these vital bonds are often at the root of our deepest suffering. While our hearts are primed for compassionate connection, our nervous systems—which store all our past hurts and disappointments—are wired for threat and negativity.

For decades, leading relationship advice has maintained that successful relationships require a specific compromise—that we must change our authentic expression to better meet the needs of others, and vice versa. It may sound reasonable in theory, but as Dr. LePera explains, this approach is nothing less than a recipe for a lifetime of resentment.

In How to Be the Love You Seek, #1 New York Times bestselling author Dr. LePera—whose integrative, holistic approach to psychology has attracted an international audience of millions—offers a new path to healing our relationships. Harnessing the latest scientific research, she teaches us to recognize how unmet needs from our earliest relationships create our current, dysfunctional relationship patterns, and leave us in a state of constant internal threat, even with those closest to us.

This book, the last in her “How To” trilogy, illuminates the way out of trauma bonds and into relationships rooted in mutual respect and compassion. In it, you will learn how to create safety in your own body and mind; identify your unmet needs; develop emotional resilience; cultivate heart coherence to build deep emotional connections with others; and maintain healthy interdependence in our communities.

Whether you struggle to maintain the kinds of relationships you want, or are facing a specific challenge with a spouse, partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, or colleague—Dr. LePera teaches us how to break painful cycles and reconnect with the wisdom, appreciation, and compassion that lives in each of our hearts. It is our heart’s innate capacity to love that is the true source of all healing. When we tap into that power, we can become the love we seek.

Complete with stories, exercises, journal prompts, and other practical tools, How to Be the Love You Seek offers a healing roadmap for all generations of cycle-breakers.

©2023 Dr. Nicole LePera (P)2023 HarperCollins Publishers
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What listeners say about How to Be the Love You Seek

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Lots of great resources!

I enjoyed this book and the various ways that Dr. LePera uses her own experiences to make situations relatable. There are many quizzes and tools to assist in the journey back to ourselves. Overall I found the messaging and delivery helpful. One thing I found is the need to bookmark the quizzes to go back and do them when I was available, though they might be in a PDF and I’m not sure how to access that.

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    4 out of 5 stars

Such a helpful resource

This book help me through some rough waters, and I am grateful tonhave stumbled upon it.

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Conditioned behaviours and how to fix them

A well structured, elaborated piece on how childhood traumas affect neurological development of the brain, thus creating conditioned behaviours in adults that may not be serving the well-being of the adults affected. Also offers ways to change the conditioned behaviours. The quantum physics bit is a bit too sci fi.

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3 people found this helpful

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Great read!

Loved this book, I’m listening to it for the second time now. Great book filled with ideas for anyone on a healing journey. I found it super helpful in mine. 10/10.

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Wow

Just started this book but this is already giving me a great surprise. Had to comment because how good it’s getting. Excited to listen to the rest of the book!

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Must listen

It’s a great book putting the owness back on you to own your stuff and your patterns and traumas so you can show up properly for yourself first then for those around you.

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It's helped me validate all the work I've been putting into myself, but also giving more insight

Really like this audible. So many things stand out for me. Helps me make sense of alot of why I have picked the wrong partners in my life.

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Relatable at the beginning

feels validating so it’s easy to keep reading but the advices/protocols to “be the love you seek” are fairly unrealistic and disappointing .

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I tried but no

I couldn’t tolerate the narrators voice. She spoke too fast and sounded like she wasn’t understanding what she was reading.

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Not a good book

This book is so WOKE. Instead of helping you feel empowered and learn about your past; it teaches you how to feel sorry for yourself bc of your childhood trauma.

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