It's Not You
Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
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It's Not You
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Narrated by:
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Ramani Durvasula PhD
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Written by:
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Ramani Durvasula PhD
About this listen
INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism
AN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVER
It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissist. One day they draw you in with their confidence and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-confidence, and leave you wondering, What could I have done differently?
As Dr. Ramani Durvasula reveals in It's Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing. Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist won’t stop manipulating and invalidating you. To heal in the aftermath of their abuse and protect yourself from future harm, you first have to accept that you are not to blame.
Deeply compassionate and revelatory, It’s Not You examines how narcissists hijack our wellbeing and offers a healing path forward. Drawing on more than 20 years of studying, teaching, and helping clients navigate the landscape of narcissism, Dr. Durvasula unpacks the oft-misunderstood personality, showing how to identify the telltale signs that you may be dealing with a narcissist and protect yourself from their toxic influence. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep us stuck in these cycles, grieve the losses, create realistic boundaries, learn the fine art of discernment, and recover your sense of self after years of invalidation.
Healing and thriving after or even during a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but it is possible. It's Not You shows that the first step is to stop trying to change the narcissistic person, stop blaming yourself, and start giving yourself permission to foster your autonomy and sense of self outside of this relationship.
©2024 Ramani Durvasula (P)2024 Penguin AudioYou may also enjoy...
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Confusing. Crazy making. Draining. Does this describe your relationship? Do you wonder if they will ever change? Do you want to know why they lie so much...even when the truth would work better? Have you wondered why they never seem to change - no matter how much you are willing to do for them, or how much love, understanding, rehab, religion, therapy, second (or 22nd) chances you’ve given them? If so, you are not alone and this book is a great place to start.
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5 out of 5 stars
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clarity
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Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse that ensures victims are left emotionally drained, mentally exhausted, and devoid of any self-worth or self-esteem...ending a relationship with a narcissist isn’t that easy. In this audiobook, I want to offer you some guidance on this rarely-talked about aspect of an abusive relationship: how to deal with a narcissist when they’re your ex.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 51
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 46
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Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult, or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized.
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If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and feel like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. If, in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too - because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex.
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 241
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 190
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Jackson MacKenzie has helped millions of people in their struggle to understand the experience of toxic relationships. His first book, Psychopath Free, explained how to identify and survive the immediate situation. In this highly anticipated new audiobook, he guides listeners on what to do next - how to fully heal from abuse in order to find love and acceptance for the self and others. MacKenzie shares insights and tools for working through the protective self we've developed so that we can finally move on to live a full and authentic life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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So good but read Psychopath Free first!
- By Lisa Jeffrey on 2020-01-09
Written by: Jackson MacKenzie, and others
-
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist
- Written by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
- Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
- Length: 10 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 105
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 87
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 86
Should I Stay or Should I Go? is a survival manual, a guidebook, and a shot of reality. Some people will never change, and kissing frogs is the stuff of fairy tales, not real life. The Beast never turns out to be a nice guy (or gal). This is a book that breaks down what mean people do to us, how they do it, and what we can do to survive.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Life altering
- By Michela on 2020-02-22
Written by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
-
Start Here: A Crash Course in Understanding, Navigating, and Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
- Written by: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 8 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 7
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 7
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 7
Confusing. Crazy making. Draining. Does this describe your relationship? Do you wonder if they will ever change? Do you want to know why they lie so much...even when the truth would work better? Have you wondered why they never seem to change - no matter how much you are willing to do for them, or how much love, understanding, rehab, religion, therapy, second (or 22nd) chances you’ve given them? If so, you are not alone and this book is a great place to start.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
clarity
- By Corrie on 2024-01-22
Written by: Dana Morningstar
-
Narcissistic Ex
- How to Get Over a Toxic Relationship, Deal With an Abusive Ex and Become Free of the Controlling Sociopath
- Written by: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 2 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 26
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 22
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 22
Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse that ensures victims are left emotionally drained, mentally exhausted, and devoid of any self-worth or self-esteem...ending a relationship with a narcissist isn’t that easy. In this audiobook, I want to offer you some guidance on this rarely-talked about aspect of an abusive relationship: how to deal with a narcissist when they’re your ex.
-
3 out of 5 stars
-
Helpful if not taken too far...
- By Amazon Customer on 2021-01-24
Written by: Lauren Kozlowski
-
"Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
- Written by: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
- Narrated by: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
- Length: 19 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall5 out of 5 stars 51
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 46
-
Story5 out of 5 stars 45
Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult, or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
BRILLIANT!!! RECOMMENDED FOR ALIENATED PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS TOO!!!
- By Nano on 2021-06-18
Written by: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
-
Trauma Bonding: Understanding and Overcoming the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship
- Narcissistic Relationship Recovery, Book 1
- Written by: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 55
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 46
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 46
If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and feel like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. If, in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too - because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
Knowledge is Power
- By Sarah W on 2021-06-04
Written by: Lauren Kozlowski
-
Whole Again
- Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse
- Written by: Jackson MacKenzie, Shannon Thomas - foreword
- Narrated by: Kaleo Griffith, Erin Spencer
- Length: 8 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 241
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars 190
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 187
Jackson MacKenzie has helped millions of people in their struggle to understand the experience of toxic relationships. His first book, Psychopath Free, explained how to identify and survive the immediate situation. In this highly anticipated new audiobook, he guides listeners on what to do next - how to fully heal from abuse in order to find love and acceptance for the self and others. MacKenzie shares insights and tools for working through the protective self we've developed so that we can finally move on to live a full and authentic life.
-
5 out of 5 stars
-
So good but read Psychopath Free first!
- By Lisa Jeffrey on 2020-01-09
Written by: Jackson MacKenzie, and others
What the critics say
“A must read. Dr. Ramani will teach you how to heal from any toxic relationship. With her expert advice based on decades of research and clinical experience, she makes the impossible seem possible.”–Mel Robbins, bestselling author of The High Five Habit and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast
“Dr. Ramani has written the book on narcissism for our times, not simply because it upends everything we thought we knew about this personality, but because it gives real people a sense of hope…that they can heal, that they can move forward from these relationships, that it’s not you.”–Maria Shriver
“In writing It's Not You, Dr. Durvasula directly addresses victims of narcissistic abuse with targeted advice developed through years of clinical experience and research. I would highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in a relationship with a narcissist. Once you realize it's not you who is the problem, you can become the solution.”–W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic
What listeners say about It's Not You
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story2 out of 5 stars
- Lewellen Jenkins
- 2024-09-16
Wow!! Life Changing!!
The realization of the different classifications of narcissism did not fully prepare me for the realization of just how much has been surrounded by these people and experiences my entire life. This book won’t leave my side longer after I finished reading it and done the long deep self repairfrom way back in my childhood highly recommend
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Me
- 2024-04-02
100000% worth it!!!
This is a book I'll listen to over and over again. So much helpful and insightful information. Straight forward and to the point. I love the work that Dr. Ramani does!
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 2025-01-30
mind-blowing!
well rounded. very informative. buying the hardcover for future reference. I highly recommend this to help you move forward from narc abuse.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Crockford
- 2024-03-15
it's well laid out and it's informative.
felt very validated. There were a lot of connections with my childhood. Helped me to really understand that it wasn't my fault. I was not nor am I to this day a bad kid. Also helps me to maintain somewhat of a relationship with my narcissistic parent, without being surprised or hurt by their words
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2 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Badonk
- 2024-04-20
Gives comfort through relatable content
A must read for anyone who has ever experienced narcissistic abuse. It can feel so lonely and confusing, to the point of debilitating sadness and just pain. This not only eases those feelings but provides helpful ways of processing and moving on.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Krissy
- 2024-09-19
Eye opening
Unlimited amounts of aha moments with this book. Everyone should read this book. Valuable insights
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Corrie
- 2024-11-10
Life changing
I thought I was already pretty informed and far along in my recovery but Dr. Ramani’s compassionate wisdom has given me a new perspective. My life was revolving around a black hole and now I’ve shifted my focus there’s a whole sparkly universe out there and I’m a valuable part of it.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- CookieLopez
- 2024-04-28
The definitive resource on narcissistic abuse
If you've been a victim of narcissistic abuse, suspect you have, or just want to learn what it is, this is the book for you. The author lays out what NPD is, how it manifests, the various types of narcissistic abuse, how it affects the victim, how to manage or address it, and the steps to healing.
Her descriptions are so accurate it's like she's been peering in my window. It's a very accessible book, filled with examples to make understanding easier. It was so good I often found it triggering and difficult to listen to, but in the best way possible because it so accurately reflected my experiences.
The author narrates the book herself with her strong, compassionate voice which makes it a pleasure to listen to.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Lolo
- 2024-09-05
Very demure and very on point
this is better than the best.This book is a 10 star rating.Deep and soul searching,very demure very considerate and very on point.Thank you for this wonderful gift.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Anonymous User
- 2024-07-08
Reinforcement that Im not crazy
Captures narc personality to a tee. It’s as if you know him They are so definable
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