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It's Not You

Written by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
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Publisher's Summary

INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism

AN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVER

It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissist. One day they draw you in with their confidence and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-confidence, and leave you wondering, What could I have done differently?

As Dr. Ramani Durvasula reveals in It's Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing. Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist won’t stop manipulating and invalidating you. To heal in the aftermath of their abuse and protect yourself from future harm, you first have to accept that you are not to blame.

Deeply compassionate and revelatory, It’s Not You examines how narcissists hijack our wellbeing and offers a healing path forward. Drawing on more than 20 years of studying, teaching, and helping clients navigate the landscape of narcissism, Dr. Durvasula unpacks the oft-misunderstood personality, showing how to identify the telltale signs that you may be dealing with a narcissist and protect yourself from their toxic influence. Along the way, you’ll learn how to become gaslight resistant, chip away at the trauma bonds that keep us stuck in these cycles, grieve the losses, create realistic boundaries, learn the fine art of discernment, and recover your sense of self after years of invalidation.

Healing and thriving after or even during a narcissistic relationship can be challenging, but it is possible. It's Not You shows that the first step is to stop trying to change the narcissistic person, stop blaming yourself, and start giving yourself permission to foster your autonomy and sense of self outside of this relationship.

©2024 Ramani Durvasula (P)2024 Penguin Audio
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What the critics say

“A must read. Dr. Ramani will teach you how to heal from any toxic relationship. With her expert advice based on decades of research and clinical experience, she makes the impossible seem possible.”–Mel Robbins, bestselling author of The High Five Habit and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast

“Dr. Ramani has written the book on narcissism for our times, not simply because it upends everything we thought we knew about this personality, but because it gives real people a sense of hope…that they can heal, that they can move forward from these relationships, that it’s not you.”–Maria Shriver

“In writing It's Not You, Dr. Durvasula directly addresses victims of narcissistic abuse with targeted advice developed through years of clinical experience and research. I would highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in a relationship with a narcissist. Once you realize it's not you who is the problem, you can become the solution.”–W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic

What listeners say about It's Not You

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Wow!! Life Changing!!

The realization of the different classifications of narcissism did not fully prepare me for the realization of just how much has been surrounded by these people and experiences my entire life. This book won’t leave my side longer after I finished reading it and done the long deep self repairfrom way back in my childhood highly recommend

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100000% worth it!!!

This is a book I'll listen to over and over again. So much helpful and insightful information. Straight forward and to the point. I love the work that Dr. Ramani does!

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The definitive resource on narcissistic abuse

If you've been a victim of narcissistic abuse, suspect you have, or just want to learn what it is, this is the book for you. The author lays out what NPD is, how it manifests, the various types of narcissistic abuse, how it affects the victim, how to manage or address it, and the steps to healing.

Her descriptions are so accurate it's like she's been peering in my window. It's a very accessible book, filled with examples to make understanding easier. It was so good I often found it triggering and difficult to listen to, but in the best way possible because it so accurately reflected my experiences.

The author narrates the book herself with her strong, compassionate voice which makes it a pleasure to listen to.

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Reinforcement that Im not crazy

Captures narc personality to a tee. It’s as if you know him They are so definable

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Very demure and very on point

this is better than the best.This book is a 10 star rating.Deep and soul searching,very demure very considerate and very on point.Thank you for this wonderful gift.

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Amazing information from Ramani as always

Very informative - I always learn something even though I regularly consume a her content of various mediums, as well as other creators’ content on narcissism and have been studying the psychological research for several years now (meaning a lot of information from many is repetitive all across the internets but Ramani never fails to teach me something new . Thank you for always have a piece of information that hasn’t been widely spoken about before.

I must add, the fact she narrates her own books is such a bonus! I so much prefer the actual author to be reading their own book so I totally love that she went that direction! Would be silly not to. You’re an influencer now and also happen to be the most well known and respected, I believe, in this niche

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A must read

This book changes everything. It’s the truth of our experience. It validates and educates. It will save lives.

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A good tool for the tool box of healing

I couldn’t have stumbled across this book at a better time. Listening to it in chunks to process all the concepts is best. Dr. Rahmini delivers ideas and tools in a calm clear manner that is easily put into immediate action.

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Clear and concise pattern conveyance

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and its very comprehensive and newly psych aware friendly manner. I have been studying personality styles for almost two years now and have never come across something so comprehensible to persons newly acquainted with the pattern of narcissistic abuse. A must read for those looking to free themselves from the trap of manipulators and schemers.

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I never knew

This was an outstanding book. the detail and information was amazing. Dr Ramani is truly a gem in her field. I was completely educated on the different types and degrees of narcissistic behavior. There are plenty of "why's?" in my life that have now been answered.

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