Épisodes

  • All That We Are

    All That We Are
    Mar 13 2025

    I’ve been thinking about all that we are in this modern world. Then I thought to write a poem about the poisonous pot of social media, narcissism, and not being present in nature while recording myself not being present in nature for social media.

    Because we are a species of contradictions.

    A tangle of desires and denials

    We say one thing, do another.

    Preach humility, crave recognition

    We ache for authenticity,

    then filter ourselves into brands.

    We sell self-love in neatly packaged courses

    taught by those who only love their reflection.

    Like the shoeless, bright-teethed white guy

    with tribal tattoos, who’s all like

    “I’ll help you unlock your authentic self

    with this with a twelve-step module for $499”

    I can mock.

    But when I think of him as a boy with a dad

    who yelled, “You’re a worthless s**t”

    I cannot.

    Narcissism—capitalism’s bottomless resource,

    supplied by loneliness, demanded by egos.

    They say, “Be yourself.”

    But which self?

    The one shaped by love? Culture? Trauma? Fear?

    We are not singular,

    we are multitudes, opposing forces

    warring beneath our skin.

    We pretend at certainty, purity

    We demand an answer where none exists.

    Like the woman who says, “We’ll explore the answer

    with your birth chart,”

    I can mock.

    But when I think of the woman grasping

    at her last bit of hope

    I cannot.

    To be human is to hold paradox

    To know that the good and the bad

    are woven together

    That the demons can possess

    But only if you can’t confess they’re there.

    But what is the point in me saying all this?

    We chase meaning in a world that owes us none.

    We break ourselves against illusions,

    then blame the glass.

    We romanticize the escape.

    An “of-the-grid-sustainable life”

    that could never sustain all humans.

    Civilization, for all its sins, is where

    diversity plays.

    But again, what’s the point in me saying all this

    as I walk through what I should be part of.

    Somewhere in that silence is all that we are.

    Born Without Borders is a reader-supported guide to stripping away social constructs, building bridges across divides, cultural psychology, and how to salir de las fronteras que impone tu mente. If you want to support my work, the best way is to take out a paid subscription for $5/month or $30/year.



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bornwithoutborders.substack.com/subscribe
    Voir plus Voir moins
    3 min
  • How do You Build Global Connections?

    How do You Build Global Connections?
    Jan 21 2025
    Before we get into the article, here's a quick note: I’m starting classes and courses where I mediate discussions with people across the ideological spectrum. We find common interests and goals to build bridges across divides. Send me a DM or respond to this email if this interests you.Who do you share goals with? How many of those people differ in ideology or belief system? And how the hell do you make it work?I work on a shared goal with several dozen people every week. They come from all over the world, and no matter their culture or opinions, we connect.A shared goal is the first step to bridging divides, but you must find common interests to stick together. Fortunately, I’m interested in just about everything except the Kardashians, so creating connections is easy. That doesn’t mean there are no disagreements, though. They’re crucial to our shared goal of improving their English.Contrasting ideas get people talking, and that’s exactly what I need my students to do. That’s what we all need to do. If we want a future where collaboration overcomes conflict, we need more people talking and listening, not just in English but in the universal language of curiosity and compassion.Here’s Where You Come InAnd where I plug in my website, englishforglobalcitizens.com. Teaching English and cultural competency is not just how I make a living. It’s how I put into practice everything I write about. I help people from all walks of life—and they help me—gain tools to connect across cultures and borders.When you’re in my class, the world’s not as divided as it seems on the news. It’s even less complicated than it looks in some of my articles. The truth is, above all, people want to be heard and listened to. If you can make that happen, a lot of the other cultural know-how can take a step back. When you share my site with someone who needs classes—or who knows someone who does—you’re not just helping Born Without Borders; you’re helping build bridges across divides. Building global connections isn’t always easy. There are language hiccups, cultural faux pas, and days when even I can’t remember how to explain the difference between "lie" and "lay." But it’s worth it because every connection and shared laugh creates a little less division in the world. English for Global CitizensBuilding bridges across borders.📝 Cambridge exam prep✍️ Essay writing & storytelling🗣️ Public speaking & presentations🌍️ Cultural competence & business English🧠 Evidence-based study techniques & psychology💪 Fitness & health coaching (learn a language in a flow state)My Teaching StyleWe learn languages to communicate, and we communicate to connect, so why do so many people leave an academy unable to give presentations, send emails, and tell jokes?Many teachers lack the cultural, psychological, and business expertise to prepare you beyond the exam world. While I use CEFR and Cambridge materials to gauge levels, my lessons adapt to your needs and how English evolves across cultures. I’ve helped nearly 100 students pass exams, but if your sole goal is a certificate, I’m not the teacher for you. I’m here to create connections and experiences.Language learning isn’t one-size-fits-all. Some prefer rules first, while others learn naturally through conversation. A great teacher tailors methods to fit you. My approach draws from a degree in English and psychology (UBC), advanced TEFL certifications, and years of teaching students from 30+ countries.Beyond teaching, my experience managing global marketing campaigns and researching cultural competence ensures your English works across cultural contexts. I don’t just teach language—I help you live it.MaterialsCambridge Books: English for Life, Objective First, Ready for Advanced, and Objective Proficiency.Great Writing: Foundations, one, two, three, four, and five.Reading Explorer: SB1, SB2. SB3, SB4, and SB5.Are you looking for a specific book? Just let me know.What My Students SayBorn Without Borders is a reader-supported guide to the craft of nonconformity, cultural psychology, travel writing and how to salir de las fronteras que impone tu mente. Both free and paid subscriptions are available. If you want to support my work and help me upgrade to more than one cabin bag, the best way is to take out a paid subscription or Buy Me a Coffee.But today, sharing my teaching site is the best way to show support. Further reading This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bornwithoutborders.substack.com/subscribe
    Voir plus Voir moins
    5 min
  • Why My Body is for Sale

    Why My Body is for Sale
    Jan 14 2025
    No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.* SocratesWhen I came across this quote as an acne-ridden teenager, it gave me an excuse. Here was one of history’s greatest thinkers, a man who spent his life in the pursuit of wisdom, insisting that neglecting the body is an affront to life itself. It resonated with me because I could intellectualize my need to look like Chris Hemsworth and the like. But before you get the wrong idea by thinking I’m a gigolo—when I say my body is “for sale,” I don’t mean in the transactional sense of sex, Instagram sponsorships or OnlyFans. I mean that my body is a product that sells my discipline, care, vanity, and fitness coaching. And yet, this journey has brought me face-to-face with the darker underbelly of external validation, the cultural distortions of beauty, and the psychological traps we all fall into when we commodify our physical selves.But first, some cultural psych. The Universality of BeautyYou might think beauty is a matter of personal taste. But research says otherwise. Studies on facial attractiveness by psychologists like Judith Langlois and David Perrett show that beauty has universal elements. Across cultures, people tend to favour:* Symmetry: It signals health and genetic fitness.* ‘Average’ Faces: Composite faces made by blending many individuals are perceived as more attractive. Evolutionary psychologists believe this is because ‘mixed people’ are more immune to diseases. * Clear Skin: A sign of vitality and youth.These findings suggest that some aspects of beauty are hardwired into our psychology, tied to evolutionary preferences for mates who signal health and reproductive success.But cultural psychology reminds us that while the foundation of beauty might be universal, the adornments vary. In East Asia, for instance, pale skin is highly prized, reflecting a history where lighter skin denoted wealth and freedom from manual labour. Meanwhile, many African cultures celebrate fuller bodies as symbols of fertility and prosperity. Beauty is both nature and nurture, universal and deeply contextual.The Beauty of Cultural DifferencesCultural psychology shows that different societies not only celebrate different ideals of beauty but also embed them with meaning.In Japan, for instance, the concept of wabi-sabi embraces imperfection and transience. A body doesn’t need to be flawless; it needs to carry the marks of a life well-lived. In contrast, Western ideals often prize youth and perfection, ideals that can leave little room for aging gracefully.What’s striking is how cultural narratives shape our relationships with our bodies. Where one society might encourage cosmetic surgery as self-care, another might celebrate the wrinkles that come with wisdom. These cultural differences remind us that beauty is not just in the eye of the beholder—it’s in our culture’s stories.The Story I Tell MyselfI’m not just lifting weights and putting them down again! I’m sculpting, bro. Just like a sculptor, the practice requires patience and discipline, but instead of a chisel, I use too many scoops of creatine. My body isn’t merely a fleshy vessel to carry me through life; it reflects the effort of my discipline!… And a dark need for external validation and people-pleasing. This mirrors my approach to writing and teaching. Writing well is enduring frustration and carving out something meaningful from chaos. To teach is to refine a lesson until it connects with someone’s mind. Both pursuits demand the same kind of persistence as physical training: showing up even when you don’t want to.And like any craft, the finished product invites a public gaze. My body is for sale in the sense that it exists in a world that values physical form, whether we like it or not. It’s a reminder of Socrates’ wisdom: the body, like the mind, is a canvas for human potential.Yet, there’s…The Narcissistic TrapIn a culture where Instagram and TikTok set the standard, the pursuit of beauty often slides into something darker. The platforms encourage us to treat our bodies not as craft but as commodities, carefully curated for likes and shares.Research from Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell on narcissism in the age of social media reveals a troubling trend: platforms that should connect us often deepen our obsession with self-image. They turn external validation into currency.Even more insidious is the way this culture impacts mental health. Studies have linked excessive social media use to body dissatisfaction, depression, and anxiety. The irony? The more we chase external validation, the emptier it feels.Selling Effort, Not PerfectionSocrates was right. To grow old without knowing what your body is capable of is a kind of tragedy. But in today’s world, the real tragedy might be growing old while obsessing over what ...
    Voir plus Voir moins
    8 min
  • The Spanish City You Probably Haven't Heard Of

    The Spanish City You Probably Haven't Heard Of
    Jan 7 2025
    Before we get into the article, here's a quick note: I’m starting classes and courses where I mediate discussions with people across the ideological spectrum. We find common interests and goals to build bridges across divides. Send me a DM or respond to this email if this interests you.You’re in a relationship with what’s in front of you, not with its potential. While this might be sound advice for romantic relationships, it’s a whole other ballgame when it comes to investing in real estate.When I first stepped foot in Valencia, Spain, I fell in love with what was in front of me: its cosmopolitan energy with a Spanish flair, beaches, parks, excellent bike paths and public transport, terrace culture, cheap food, markets, an international airport, sculpted beach bodies, sounds and smells I’d never encountered, mountains in the distance, and 300 days of sun a year (with a side of potential skin cancer).It’s not hard to see why Valencia is frequently voted as the best city for Expats, Europe’s green capital, and why its record-breaking housing prices are causing a crisis for many local renters.If I had invested in Valencia’s real estate potential five years ago, the apartment's value could have appreciated by approximately 50% or more, considering the recent 17% annual increase. Yet, what was in front of me was already out of my budget.Instead, I turned to Comunidad Valencia’s fourth-biggest city, Castellón de la Plana. Known as one of the ugliest cities in Spain, Castellón de la Plana has been steadily revamping its reputation since I arrived.(No, not because of me.) In recent years, Castellón de la Plana has undergone significant urban development and beautification efforts, evidenced by its transformation and the stunning Christmas displays of 2024.Key initiatives include the completion of the Ronda Oeste, a major infrastructure project supported by the Generalitat Valenciana and the Castellón City Council, with a €46 million investment aimed at improving urban connectivity and traffic flow.These local efforts are complemented by Castellón’s participation in European initiatives, such as the Intelligent Cities Challenge, which focuses on sustainable urban planning and energy efficiency, and the UNaLab project, funded by the EU’s Horizon 2020 program, which enhances urban sustainability through nature-based solutions.Nature—it’s one of the main reasons I’ve decided to stay in Castellon de la Plana instead of trying to make ends meet in Valencia.The Desert de les Palmes Natural Park is a mountainous landscape that flanks the coastline, defined by its rugged summits and popular walking trails.For cycling enthusiasts, the Via Verde Green Route provides a scenic path through diverse landscapes, making it a favoured choice for both cyclists and hikers. Well, it’s flat, so maybe the better word is “walkers.”Additionally, the Sierra de Irta Natural Park offers a combination of mountainous terrain and pristine beaches, ideal for hiking and enjoying unspoiled (outside of the summer months) coastal scenery.The Penyagolosa Natural Park is home to Mount Penyagolosa, the highest peak in the province, making it a haven for hikers and climbers seeking trails and stunning views.Off the coast, the Columbretes Islands Nature Reserve is an archipelago renowned for its rich marine biodiversity, popular for diving and boat excursions.Lastly, the Serra d'Espadà Natural Park is known for its lush cork oak forests and diverse wildlife, offering numerous trails for hiking and exploring nature.Yet, these aren’t places you can visit daily unless you’re retired. If you have a busy and sporadic schedule like mine, you might want to live in a neighbourhood with parks, beaches, bars, restaurants, supermarkets, and everything else you need within a 10-minute walk.That’s why I chose El Grao, Castellon de la Plana’s coastal district and port area. Similar to Valencia’s Cabanyal, it was considered one of the most sketchy neighbourhoods, “full of Gitanos (gypsies) and Moroccans.” And whereas this sentence might sound racist AF, it reflects how many people talk here. That’s no excuse, but people in Castellón have historically viewed El Grao negatively through those labels. As a result, my property value hasn’t skyrocketed like those in Cabanyal, Valencia.In the town of El Grao, I’m one of the only guiris—white-ass foreigners who wear flip-flops in winter. The other foreigners live a fifteen-minute walk away in villas on the beach. Yet, every year, I hear more English, German, and French as I walk through El Grao. Most of these people are retired, but thanks to UJI, Castellon’s university, you can also find younger crowds from across Europe.While locals remain skeptical of the area, foreigners are increasingly drawn to it. This was also the case with Cabanyal, Valencia. Now, those same locals who looked down on Cabanyal are kicking themselves for not investing.You might think...
    Voir plus Voir moins
    13 min
  • Can We Agree on How to Be a Good Person?

    Can We Agree on How to Be a Good Person?
    Dec 31 2024
    Before we get into the article, here's a quick note: I’m starting classes and courses where I mediate discussions with people across the ideological spectrum. We find common interests and goals to build bridges across divides. Send me a DM or email if this interests you.Immanuel Kant was a productivity hacker's dream. He was the 18th-century Andrew Huberman, but instead of talking about testosterone and ice baths, he spoke about the transcendental dialectic of the soul. For over 40 years, he woke up at 5:00 a.m., wrote for three hours, lectured for four, took the same walk on the same route daily, and had dinner with the same friend before retiring precisely at 10:00 p.m. His routine was so precise that neighbours joked they could set their clocks by him.But beneath this clockwork life, Kant was a revolutionary thinker whose ideas shaped our understanding of morality, ethics, and even human rights. Yet, when Kant proclaimed his ethical rule—act that you use humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, always at the same time as an end, never merely as a means (which pretty much comes down to ‘don’t use people’)—he wasn’t just setting up shop in the ivory tower. He was laying out a universal standard for morality.But here’s the rub: can something as complex and culturally embedded as “being a good person” be reduced to a single rule? Kant thought so. Then again, who can say for sure? I didn’t know the guy, and people still debate his meaning. Anyway, cultural psychology gives us a far more nuanced picture.Universal Ethics or Cultural Relativism?Kant's categorical imperative demands universality. Lying isn’t just wrong because it’s inconvenient; it undermines the rational agency of others, a principle Kant believed should hold across all contexts.But cultural psychology tells us that morality isn’t always so clear-cut. Research by Richard Shweder and colleagues on cultural variability in moral systems suggests that what counts as “good” behaviour often depends on the society in question. Shweder identified three primary moral ethics:* The Ethics of Autonomy: Common in individualistic cultures like the U.S., where morality is tied to individual rights and harm prevention.* The Ethics of Community: Found in collectivist cultures like India, emphasizing loyalty, duty, and hierarchy.* The Ethics of Divinity: Prominent in many religious societies, where morality centres on purity and sanctity.Take lying, for example. In Kant’s view, it’s always wrong. However, studies in collectivist cultures show that lying to protect family harmony might be seen as not only acceptable but morally necessary. Also, if you’re interested in learning about how my IBS resulted in a situation which would be frowned upon in all three ethical constructs, check out Shared Washrooms.What Goodness Looks Like Around the WorldThe idea of what it means to "be good" shifts dramatically across cultures.* Japan: The concept of amae, or the dependency and acceptance of another’s benevolence, guides social behaviour. A "good" person harmonizes their desires with the group’s needs.* Greece: The ancient concept of areté (virtue) focuses on excellence and fulfilling one's potential, tying goodness to individual achievement and societal contributions.* Indigenous Cultures: Among the Lakota Sioux, being good centers around woohitika (courage) and wacantognaka (generosity), reflecting a deep interdependence with community and nature.Kant’s emphasis on universal rationality might resonate in some cultures, like those shaped by Enlightenment ideals, but it can clash in contexts where morality is relational and contingent.Rationality as Sacred, But Whose Rationality?Kant argued that the defining feature of humanity is our capacity for rationality—the ability to weigh options, make decisions, and act consciously. Without it, he claimed, the universe would be “a waste in vain and without purpose.”Yet modern thinkers like Jonathan Haidt argue that our moral decisions are driven less by cold rationality and more by emotional intuition. His Social Intuitionist Model suggests that we justify our moral choices post hoc, meaning that what feels good to us culturally and emotionally often precedes rational explanations.For example, in Western societies, prioritizing individual rights over communal obligations feels “rational” because it aligns with cultural norms. But in East Asian cultures, where harmony often trumps individual expression, rationality might favour decisions that preserve group cohesion.However, our emotions cloud how we perceive what is rational. Some people think Jordon Peterson is a rational thinker, whereas he’s also playing on the emotions of disenfranchised f**k boys (I’ve got sucked in from time to time). Some people think Astrology is rational because Astronomy wasn’t their forte, and they need a sense of control in a chaotic world. I thought asking a ...
    Voir plus Voir moins
    12 min
  • Letting Go of a Toxic Relationship Across Cultures

    Letting Go of a Toxic Relationship Across Cultures
    Dec 26 2024
    People who have already subscribed to Born Without Borders received the written and podcast versions on Tuesday. I’m releasing this video version to play around with Substack’s new tools and see if the algorithm favours video uploads.Also, for those of you who didn’t know, Substack automatically creates captions clips, and you can sync the videos directly to your Youtube channel. Letting go of a toxic relationship and the trauma bond it created isn’t just about “fixing” yourself—it’s about untangling the web of manipulation, unmet needs, and misplaced self-worth. Let’s explore this journey that left me heart feening and pecker retreating.Recognizing the CycleTrauma bonding thrives universally on a loop of kindness and hurt—a toxic rollercoaster of validation and betrayal. In every culture, this cycle creates confusion and reinforces emotional dependency. However, how people recognize and address this cycle often reflects cultural attitudes toward relationships and conflict.* Individualistic Cultures (cultures prioritizing the individual over the collective group—common in the West): The recognition process often begins with open dialogue and self-reflection, facilitated by therapy or personal writing. Survivors are encouraged to dissect patterns objectively, often finding clarity through cognitive-behavioural approaches that separate emotional reactions from facts.* Collectivist Cultures (cultures that emphasize harmony, duty, and interdependence—common in the East): The cycle might be less openly discussed due to societal pressures to maintain harmony or protect the family’s reputation. Reflecting on this dynamic often involves seeking wisdom from elders or trusted confidants, emphasizing relational wisdom over individual analysis.Regardless of culture, writing about the moments of love and betrayal—whether privately or as part of a shared healing practice—remains a transformative tool. Psychologists also note that articulating the narrative helps survivors reframe their experiences, creating distance from the abuser's control.However, I’m not sure “abuser” is the right word. For one, I’m not into the whole victimhood narrative. Two, viewing the insults, cheating, and betrayals as products of someone’s past, not their true character, made it easier to forgive. Three, the happy memories: all the laughter, travel, intimacy, the effort they put into gifts, the way they reflected my soul, shared past-life dreams—Sometimes, the “survivor” can’t let go and becomes their own abuser.Setting Boundaries That StickCutting ties is easier said than done. Trauma bonds often create an illusion of “unfinished business,” making survivors feel guilty for trying to leave and absolutely worthless if they get left.* Western Perspectives: Boundaries are viewed as empowering acts of self-care. Tools like blocking on social media or ceasing all communication are common, reflecting a belief in the individual’s right to peace.* Non-Western Perspectives: Setting boundaries may involve more subtle or indirect strategies to avoid open conflict. Survivors might limit interactions while maintaining formal politeness, especially in cultures where direct confrontation is discouraged.For both, the challenge lies in consistency. Research suggests that having an accountability partner—someone who supports you in maintaining these boundaries (in my case, my bro telling me I sound like a heroin addict)—can significantly reduce the likelihood of relapse into unhealthy dynamics.Replacing the AddictionTrauma bonds mimic addiction. Breaking the cycle requires finding healthier, more fulfilling replacements.* Western Approaches: Activities like therapy, exercise, and journaling are emphasized as steady sources of joy.* Non-Western Approaches: Spiritual practices, community service, and traditional healing methods often take precedence.Research shows that consistent engagement in nourishing activities rewires the brain, reducing the emotional dependency created by trauma bonds. However, for those of us who exercised and ate healthy long before the trauma bond, it’s not much of a replacement, unfortunately.Reclaiming Your IdentityRebuilding your sense of self after leaving a toxic relationship is central to recovery. This process often intersects with cultural narratives about identity and purpose.* In Individualistic Cultures, identity is often framed in terms of personal achievements and preferences. Survivors might be encouraged to rediscover hobbies, career goals, or creative outlets. For instance, journaling and art therapy are popular tools for expressing and reclaiming identity in Western contexts.Unfortunately, writing as a career requires recognition to succeed, and when you have an unhealthy need for recognition, it can turn toxic, too. So, if you’re anything like me, I recommend the collectivistic culture approach.* In Collectivist Cultures, identity is closely tied to ...
    Voir plus Voir moins
    12 min
  • Letting Go of a Toxic Relationship Across Cultures

    Letting Go of a Toxic Relationship Across Cultures
    Dec 24 2024
    Letting go of a toxic relationship and the trauma bond it created isn’t just about “fixing” yourself—it’s about untangling the web of manipulation, unmet needs, and misplaced self-worth. Let’s explore this journey that left me heart feening and pecker retreating. Recognizing the CycleTrauma bonding thrives universally on a loop of kindness and hurt—a toxic rollercoaster of validation and betrayal. In every culture, this cycle creates confusion and reinforces emotional dependency. However, how people recognize and address this cycle often reflects cultural attitudes toward relationships and conflict.* Individualistic Cultures (cultures prioritizing the individual over the collective group—common in the West): The recognition process often begins with open dialogue and self-reflection, facilitated by therapy or personal writing. Survivors are encouraged to dissect patterns objectively, often finding clarity through cognitive-behavioural approaches that separate emotional reactions from facts.* Collectivist Cultures (cultures that emphasize harmony, duty, and interdependence—common in the East): The cycle might be less openly discussed due to societal pressures to maintain harmony or protect the family’s reputation. Reflecting on this dynamic often involves seeking wisdom from elders or trusted confidants, emphasizing relational wisdom over individual analysis.Regardless of culture, writing about the moments of love and betrayal—whether privately or as part of a shared healing practice—remains a transformative tool. Psychologists also note that articulating the narrative helps survivors reframe their experiences, creating distance from the abuser's control. However, I’m not sure “abuser” is the right word. For one, I’m not into the whole victimhood narrative. Two, viewing the insults, cheating, and betrayals as products of someone’s past, not their true character, made it easier to forgive. Three, the happy memories: all the laughter, travel, intimacy, the effort they put into gifts, the way they reflected my soul, shared past-life dreams—Sometimes, the “survivor” can’t let go and becomes their own abuser. Setting Boundaries That StickCutting ties is easier said than done. Trauma bonds often create an illusion of “unfinished business,” making survivors feel guilty for trying to leave and absolutely worthless if they get left. * Western Perspectives: Boundaries are viewed as empowering acts of self-care. Tools like blocking on social media or ceasing all communication are common, reflecting a belief in the individual’s right to peace.* Non-Western Perspectives: Setting boundaries may involve more subtle or indirect strategies to avoid open conflict. Survivors might limit interactions while maintaining formal politeness, especially in cultures where direct confrontation is discouraged.For both, the challenge lies in consistency. Research suggests that having an accountability partner—someone who supports you in maintaining these boundaries (in my case, my bro telling me I sound like a heroin addict)—can significantly reduce the likelihood of relapse into unhealthy dynamics. Replacing the AddictionTrauma bonds mimic addiction. Breaking the cycle requires finding healthier, more fulfilling replacements.* Western Approaches: Activities like therapy, exercise, and journaling are emphasized as steady sources of joy.* Non-Western Approaches: Spiritual practices, community service, and traditional healing methods often take precedence.Research shows that consistent engagement in nourishing activities rewires the brain, reducing the emotional dependency created by trauma bonds. However, for those of us who exercised and ate healthy long before the trauma bond, it’s not much of a replacement, unfortunately. Reclaiming Your IdentityRebuilding your sense of self after leaving a toxic relationship is central to recovery. This process often intersects with cultural narratives about identity and purpose.* In Individualistic Cultures, identity is often framed in terms of personal achievements and preferences. Survivors might be encouraged to rediscover hobbies, career goals, or creative outlets. For instance, journaling and art therapy are popular tools for expressing and reclaiming identity in Western contexts.Unfortunately, writing as a career requires recognition to succeed, and when you have an unhealthy need for recognition, it can turn toxic, too. So, if you’re anything like me, I recommend the collectivistic culture approach.* In Collectivist Cultures, identity is closely tied to family, community, and traditions. Rediscovery may involve reconnecting with cultural roots or communal activities that reinforce a sense of belonging. Practices like traditional dance, music, or storytelling can serve as personal and communal healing forms.In summary, months of therapeutic advice have come down to the following: dance, sing, show kindness to everyone, connect with ...
    Voir plus Voir moins
    12 min
  • Is Culture Really Just for Humans?

    Is Culture Really Just for Humans?
    Dec 17 2024
    Then God said, ‘Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth."— Genesis 1:26F**k that s**t. We see ourselves as complex, symbolic beings, while animals, we assume, are just instinct-driven beasts over which we have dominion. And by “we,” I mean those influenced by Judeo-Christian rhetoric, not those from the wisdom societies who understood everything is connected before scientists had to prove it. Luckily, the more we learn (or rather unlearn), the more it seems other species also have their own “cultural” quirks. So, are we actually that special, or are we just the only ones pretentious enough to debate it? What Even Is Culture?First off, what qualifies as culture? If we define culture as using symbols to create shared meaning—a sort of private language club for each species—then yes, humans have it in the bag. No other animals seem to use abstract symbols or grammar. But this definition is a bit like setting the rules of a game so only humans can win.A broader definition could just mean “learning behaviours from others in your group.” And if that’s the bar, then humans are not alone in the cultural game. Many animals show cultural learning—just maybe without the existential monologues.Meet Some Animal Culture Stars* Chimpanzees: Our close cousins use sticks to fish for termites and stones to crack nuts, with different communities showing distinct tool-use habits. It’s like local cuisine for chimps—some are into the bark-peeling technique, and others are more of the twig-fishing variety. They’re even known to learn from each other, which sounds suspiciously like cultural transmission—the way a “person” learns about a new culture by engaging and immersing themselves in culture.)* Dolphins and Orcas: Dolphins are another species that seems to enjoy DIY culture. In certain areas, dolphins use marine sponges as “gloves” while hunting to avoid scratches. Orcas, on the other hand, develop unique vocal “dialects” and specialized hunting strategies that are passed down through generations. They don’t just live in the deep—they live in pods with distinct traditions.* Macaques: In one famous case, a young macaque named Imo figured out that washing sand off sweet potatoes in the water made them taste better. Soon, her friends and family were imitating her—and just like that, sweet-potato-washing became the hottest cultural trend on the island. This didn’t happen overnight, but hey, they didn’t have the marketing budgets human trend-pushers have. * Birds and Fish: Some songbirds learn regional tunes, while certain fish follow food-finding strategies from others. It’s not jazz night at the village bar, but it does show that animals are doing a little social learning and passing it down.Don’t worry. I still think you’re special. Animals have learned behaviours passed down socially. But here’s where humans shine: we do it faster, more widely, and with a unique twist called cumulative culture. In human societies, it’s not just about copying someone else; it’s about building on each new idea to reach a new level—essentially making us the kings and queens of the "cultural snowball effect."Take language, for instance. Vervet monkeys have a few calls to warn each other about predators, but there’s no “syntax” in their system. Meanwhile, humans have languages with rich vocabularies, grammar, and syntax—all evolving and expanding over generations. Sure, animals have their dialects, but so far, nothing comes close to the complexity of human language. Why Are Humans Obsessed with Imitating the “Cool Kids”?Another human specialty is our “prestige bias.” We’re constantly on the lookout and, thanks to advertising and Hollywood, bombarded with people who have what we want—status, money, and sex. We tend to copy those who have these things more than the 40-year-old virgin living in their mom’s basement. This strategy is super efficient: rather than reinventing the wheel, we watch the “best” people do it and borrow their methods. Case in point: a study found that kids are more likely to imitate a “prestigious” adult model than a random one. Unfortunately, many of these “best” people—the billionaire celebrities—are self-interested psychopaths. However, in the animal kingdom, it’s mostly an “anyone will do” approach. Macaques, for example, don’t seem to care if the potato-washer they’re copying is a star in their community or just the neighbour.So, What’s the Verdict? Are We Just Fancier, Wordy Chimps?It’s clear that many animals have behaviours that spread through social learning, which is essentially culture in a broad sense. But humans crank this up a notch with complex language, fast and ...
    Voir plus Voir moins
    8 min